Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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pathoflife 10/23/2009

There are so many great topics, and it helps so much to see the varying opinions and solutions. So can you all help with this one? I was wondering how you have handled wearing, continuing to wear, or removing your wedding band/engagement ring.

Do the opinions vary according to age? Gender?

For me, I wore my rings for over a year. At that time, I intuitively knew--for me--it was time to take them off. I wanted to still wear them but in a different way. I took his and my rings to a jeweler and had a beautiful necklace created from the three of them. I wanted our daughters to have something that they would enjoy wearing after I was gone. So many times rings are put in the drawer after both parents pass and are never used again--not always the case--but sometimes. When I wear the necklace it brings me much pleasure, but few know what it really is. If they comment on it, I quietly explain how it came about.

deleted_user 10/25/2009

The rings we were married with I have put up and have kept. My slips right inside of his(where I fell it should be) They had worn out long ago so we replaced them. I still wear my and always will. I gave his that he was wearing to our son and he wears it on his right hand and has not taken it off since I gave it to him. I too, still feel married, I tell everyone that I'm still happily married to my late husband. I think in the Bible it says that you become one when you're married. I don't known when I'll be called home with my Father, but I feel like my husband gave me enough love to last me for what ever time I have left. I still miss him so much and write to him in my journal almost every day.

Christine26 10/25/2009

I have Roberts ring on my right hand middle finger because that is the finger that it fits on. I have mine around my neck because it is too tight and has been for a few years. I have a diamond ring that Robert bought me for valentines day which I will stsrt to ear that again when I get the stones reset.

deleted_user 10/26/2009

I bought a pretty chain and placed his wedding band on it then hung it on his urn, I have a area set up with his flag, medal and picture and Urn all together, I will place my ring with his when i feel ready.

sadheart56 10/26/2009

Bill
That sounds like a great way to wear your ring.
I wear my husbands around my neck.

Phil 4:13
Chris

deleted_user 10/27/2009

I know it's a very personal decision for each to make on his or her own. It's been almost nine months for me and I still wear mine, I always will. I am still his wife and will never be anyone else's wife. I didn't want to be without him, it wasn't like it was a choice we made. I still have a husband and want people to know that, it's just that he is not here with me anymore. He had a plain band when we were first married 28 years ago but shortly thereafter it got caught on something and he really couldn't wear if safely in his occupation so I put it away and ultimately lost it many years ago. I hated that I lost it but I didn't need him to wear one just to show he was married because I knew I was the only one for him and there was no question about trust in our marriage. Still missing him terribly.

deleted_user 10/27/2009

My husband never wore a wedding ring.He had a ring he bought on a cruise and wore that most of the time. I will always keep it. I still always wear my rings whenever I leave the house.I probably always will. The strange thing is I had not worn the original engagement ring for years but am now wearing it again with my wedding ring.

deleted_user 10/27/2009

Strangely enough, I had my wedding band cut off in May of 2008 because it was too tight. I wanted to get it resized but didn't have time before we left for Maine. While in Maine in July he died. I felt for a long time that by cutting my wedding band off, I cut him loose too. Maybe if I hadn't done that, our bond wouldn't have been broken. It hurt so much for so long. So I got it resized and wore it for awhile, but I just wear my engagement ring now. I like the idea of making something with both bands but I think I will just keep them for my children. One daughter has asked for her dad's band. Shirley

tskks 10/31/2009

I wear my rings and his ring on my left hand. His is on the bottom held into place by my own rings. I feel like tebin. I'm still married. I notice lots of people glance at my hand to see if I'm still wearing my rings.

deleted_user 11/01/2009

It's been almost nine months for me and I wouldn't dream of taking off my rings. For me he was my one and only true love and I still feel married to him.. I do not plan on trying to replace him or find another to take his place so I will continue to wear my rings until we are together again, then I want my daughter to have them. That's just me.

deleted_user 11/02/2009

My husband wore his wedding band every day of our married life. When he passed I took it off of his hand and put it on my right hand with my birth stone ring in front of it. It's still there.

I took the Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow diamond ring he bought me and left it on my left hand.

I intend on being one of those women who wear multiple rings. You have seen them and never knew why.

Now I know.

deleted_user 11/02/2009

Wearing your rings is a matter of personal choice-I have been widowed for 16 months and still wear a ring on my wedding finger-It is not my wedding ring, but if I had my wedding ring I would still wear it.. Like Marsha says her rings have some personal significance to her...They are symbols of love ...something tangible..Enjoy wearing them, or take them off...in your own time.(and if you never so what!)
Janine

deleted_user 11/04/2009

wow i read the length of everyones time of wearing theirs and i feel horrible.

I am on month 8 of my husband passing. I had to take off my rings a month and half after he passed, i felt if i did not i would forever think i was married and he was still here. you ask how can i think that? he was in prison when he passed so he had not been at home for a bit before hand. the weirdest thing though is about a month ago i caught myself trying to turn my ring (you know how it twist at times) but it was not on me????

then i tried to wear his ring on a necklace, and i had two different necklaces break and i almost lost the ring so to me that was a sign to put it up.

deleted_user 11/04/2009

This is indeed an interesting topic. I am a Hindu and I wear the "thali" - a thick gold chain with many small pendants attached to it. About 3 months after my husband's passing, I went to the jeweller with the "thali" to create a normal small chain, a bracelet and another chain which I could use for functions. The hardest part was when I had to give it to the jeweller. My heart sank and I felt uneasy parting with it. Being a Hindu, I dont have the option to wear the "thali" - it is meant to be removed when he is gone. Even the red dot "pottu" on the forehead (which signifies as being married) cannot be applied anymore....:(

deleted_user 11/04/2009

I wore my rings until the 1st anniversary of his death. Then I bought a band of black onyx stones. I placed my rings in a beautiful white satin lined box and locked them away. I agree that this is a purely personal decision, but it just felt right at the time.

deleted_user 11/04/2009

I just lost my husband a few short (it feels like long) weeks ago. I'm wearing my wedding band my engagement ring was at the jewelers being repaired when he passed. The tradition for us was the engagement ring goes on top to hold the love in. So I almost felt like I let the love escape when he passed. I'm still wearing my wedding band, because I still feel married, what happened was not his choice or mine.
32 years of wearing the same piece of jewerly is a long time, and I'm not ready to give it up yet. Maybe someday but not now.

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