Hi...I'm Sherry, I'm new here. Lost my spouse to pancreatic cancer November 5, 2011. I know it is easy for someone else to fill in the voids for you...whether they talk simular to your wife, look like them, be sure you are aware of what you are trying to grasp from them that puts you back in your comfort zone...it might not be fair to them if you don't see them for who they are. But I can certainly understand wanting the companionship again...nobody wants to be lonely. But I would rather look at it as a new chapter in my life and embrace all that a new relationship can bring to your life.

Hi,

It is a really personal decision. I can only say that for the first few months after my husband's death, I was really in shock (his death was unexpected). Good luck with whatever you decide to do. (IF you decided to establish a friendship with her, she will have to take the responsibility for her part. In her profession, she must be aware of how vulnerable you are at this stage.)

Take care,

Shar

My husband has been gone since October 6th of this year. I live 600 miles away from any family, so I can understand the lonliness that is felt by all of us. His kids live close, but basically have nothing to do with me - I knew that would happen, so that is an accepted fact of life. As others have said, take it slow. I have always heard that people that have had wonderful marriages want to start relationships sooner than later. Good luck in whatever you decide.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Having lost my husband recently (almost 5 months) I can't be objective in my comments, I know that for me, it would be way too soon to enter into a relationship (friendship with someone who wants more than friendship -- not sure how you balance that) when I'm still grieving. If you have children, think about them too -- My father in-law started dating 1 year after my mother in law passed and his children have never gotten over that and never established a relationship with the new wife. Take it slow, take time to think about everyone involved, but most importantly, what you need at this time. Don't complicate your life unnecessarily -- If she cares about you she will wait for you to be ready to embark on a healthy and more balanced friendship or relationship.

It is hard to be alone, sometimes. At the point for me, I am not interested in dating and may never be, but that is my feeling. You have to do what is right for you without people passing judgement on you. Go with your heart. Nerfmom2

Take it real slow and stick to the main roads!

my sister and I were just talking about this on our way grocery shopping tonight...we have some very good discussions about this topic...but every time I really begin to realize that whoever I might find, it won't be Mike...he truly was a one in a million...and then I get teary... and so does my sister....so for me, I'm just not ready yet...(Dec. 3 was one year)
Personally, I would tell you to take a bit more time....hugs, Jill

I like what edithbathgate said.

thank you all!!! i have been thinking HEAVILY on this and I do miss my wife and want to be happy again...i just don't want to screw things up by convincing myself that i will put 100% into the relationship and only to discover later that, in reality, i really was not....

i'm going through so much right now... i think i'm thinking clearly, but sometimes not certain....

I think your last sentence just answered your own question.

i'm going through so much right now... i think i'm thinking clearly, but sometimes not certain....

This early you are most likely not thinking clearly. Take it slow.

I work in an assisted living community. After talking to the widows/ widowers (sometimes twice) I discovered quite a few of them started dating within a few months of their spouses passing. They did it out of desperation to avoid loneliness, almost all of them reported that it ended bad. One lady said she moved from Houston to Hawaii to get away from the man she started dating. My husband has only been gone 19 days.....I might be ready to date in 19 years lol

gone2soon,

yup...i know. i have already communicated to her that i would like to take it slowly and have asked for patience... i just don't want to screw up...

i just turned 43. still young and still pissed off at God for taking my wife away, but still believe that I have much to give and love for/to someone else... i admit, i miss my wife dreadfully, but also yearn for the love that she and i had...SIGH

please take it slow cause the one thing i can point out to you is she is divorced and you are a widower and that is 2 different worlds. i was told recently by a male friend that he was dating 3 months after his wife left him(divorce) my reply to him was at least she was still alive for him to be upset with that death and divorce do not come close. i wish you luck and if she was a widow i think ya would at least be on the same page. take care

I lost my husband Oct 2009 after 3 months of recovering from a massive stroke and finally another stroke ending his life. I was 31. One of my husband's friends started helping me out with things and getting me out of the house (always with other people). We quickly became close friends and I started having feelings for him. 5 months after my husband's death, the friend and I grew closer and closer. We remained friends and only saw each other with other people around. We talked alot on the phone and texted everyday. About a year after I lost my husband, I went to a therapist. I felt that I had not properly grieved my loss since I was thinking about this new guy. Although the friend and I were still just friends, I knew there were feelings between us. He made sure not to spend alone time together, only out and about with others. He didn't want to push me, and knew I needed more time to grieve. The following February (16 months) after my husband passed, the friend and I had a talk about really having something together. He didn't think I was ready yet, I told him I was. We started dating and it still took another good 5 or 6 months of slowly dating to really feel like I was in a good place and settled in the relationship. We have now been together for almost 11 months and I no doubt love him and am in a great relationship. But this took lots of time and therapy and grieving and a very patient man who knew I was worth the wait.

I hope you find this story helpful to you. Only you know what time you need to grieve your loss. Don't let anyone tell you when you are ready or push you to move forward. When the time is right, you will know.

Good luck to you
Lisa