I think the best thing is to talk about it with her. If both parties discuss their thoughts openly about what they are feeling and seeking, it will help avoid any hurt or at least lessen the chances. I am facing this same situation.

yah, i know. i just have all kinds of do's and don't's scenarios going through my head and i don't want to hurt her or seem disrespectful, etc. what have you done? are you having a "relationship" with the other?

thanks. really need to talk about this...

Just met someone who fills about 90% of my expectations for a deep relationship. However, not sure yet how I fit HIS expectations for such. Relating to other people is dangerous and risky. But we have to decide if the risk is worth the reward. I gave my heart to my husband in every respect and I lost him to lung cancer. The pain is indescribable. But if I had the chance to do it over, I would jump right back in. It was SO worth it.

hmmm... understand. so, you don't know how he feels about you? i can see how that can be tricky....my situation is different. i know that she is interested AND has been hurt in the past and so...SIGH... i just need to be careful and open, right?

Just keep talking about how you feel and how you are concerned about the new person.
I'm not ready to be in another relationship, but I don't want to live the rest of my life without one, either...Be honest with the other person and things will work for the best.

mark

(Sorry-I used to do various kinds of counseling as a social worker and I find I'm a little stuck in it...)

thanks mark. it's only been 2-months since my wife's passing and i really need time... i will certainly make this crystal clear...

It does seem awfully soon, but since your wife was sick for so long you probably started grieving before she actually passed. As you seem to know (and others have said), just try to take it slow and be very open and honest. Take care.
-MJ

I can only speak four myself on this one, not really qualified to give advice. My wife passed away in Aug. 2011, just four months now. My wife was not noticeably ill, she died suddenly of a heart attack. An attractive divocee in my area, a friend of a friend, whom I only met once or twice in the past, has indicated tho our mutual friend that she would be interested in "going out". Being a guy, I initially was open to the idea, I mean i'm only 54, the idea of being alone the rest of my life is really scary. Then I thought of my wife, our perfect marriage, my profound love for her. I was suddenly overwhelmed with guilt at the thought of being with someone else. I told my friend who was trying to set this up "no way". I don't know if i'll ever be able to have another relationship, but I do know I'm not even close to being ready now.

Wish I could be more help, but only you'll know iwhen or if you're ready to bring someone else into your life without carrying the emotional baggage of guilt around.

At this point in time I would bring so much baggage into a relationship that I would need a U-Haul to get around.

God Bless my friend, and good luck, Sal.

thank you all,

during the four years, nearly lost her on three separate occasions. it's been a sorrow-filled and dark time of my life NEVER letting go of hope until October. a lot of crying.....

...still crying.... my brother and sister-in-law took me to a movie to cheer me up and it turns out that the movie was about a guy who had lost his wife to illness leaving two children...he buys a zoo. i cried in silence and nearly lost it... good movie, though...

I really think this is such a hard one as it is different for each of us.The circumstances surrounding your wifes illness lasted much longer than other's. For me my husband has been gone 1yr. 1 mo. now. I took care of him for about 4 months at home where he passed. This was the second time for us as he had cancer before in 2004. I can remember sitting in judgment of people who began dating after loosing their spuse prior to experiencing this myself. The lonliness is unexplainable. I don't know that I am ready or ever will be but I certainly don't blame anyone for wanting companionship. I would just say to be careful and go VERY slow. Be sure to be honest with yourself. You will know in your heart if it is right or not. I do think we al deserve to be loved and give love.

There always seems to be a `rebound` person involved, when we start on the road to interaction with others. Is thus person someone you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with? If so, then take it slow, or even pick back up in a year! If she truly cares for you, a year is not that long to give you the space you need to deal with your wife`s death.Are their children involved? Because they need enough time to figure out that you just didn`t replace her. Maybe talking to a grief councelor would be a good move at this time. Best of luck to you G-

I will give you the same advice I gave my dad. He has been divorced forever and gets hit on all the time. Ask this lady to define "friend". Ask her what she is looking for within a friendship and do not hesitate to tell her what you are not looking for. Good luck.

Maggie

So sorry you lost your wife. I agree with a lot of what has already been said by being honest with her and yourself about your needs right now and take it slow. You will know in your heart if this is right for you.
I have talked to some that lost their spouse after a lengthly illness and they said that they started grieving when they knew their was no chance of a cure so they were ready for a relationship right away. It all depends on the person and everyone is different. Good luck with whatever you decide and hope that you find peace and happiness. Sending hugs.....

Prior to marrying my husband, I dated a widower. I considered it a casual relationship, but the emotional turmoil was very hard on me. He pursued me, but was constantly telling me we could not get close. He would pull me towards him with one hand and push me away with the other. I know it was too soon for him to be dating.

When we finally stopped seeing each other, he thanked me for helping him move on from his wifes death. My suggestion is that you decide if you really are ready for a new relationship or just want relief from your pain.