It doesn't seem real however unfortunately it is. My wife past very unexpectedly almost 11 months ago. Sometimes just for a split second I forget she is gone. Than reality comes crashing back. You are less than 2 weeks along this bumpy road. You're still in shock. As the days,weeks and months go by you will experience a roller-coaster ride of emotions. Take my yesterday for example. Sure I was sad but otherwise having a ok day. Until I decided to grill myself a couple burgers. Anne loved when I grilled for her and I enjoyed doing it. It hit me like a wrecking ball when I realized I was grilling for one. Grilling is not so enjoyable for me any longer. You will experience triggers like that for the rest of your life. Those triggers are a reminder of how much we loved them. Very few things in life are free. Grief is the price we pay for love. We must consider ourselfs lucky to have had them for however short a time it may have been.

As far as moving back I can't give you any advise there except to say talk to your family and friends. Take their advise into consideration but only do what you believe is best for you. In time you will feel ok again. Perhaps someday even better than ok. I know I'm not better than ok right now but I am sure I'm on my way there. Good thoughts and best wishes to you!! (((Hug)))

Thank you so much. Hearing from others is helpful to remind me that I'll be okay even when I may not seem like it. Which right now is how I feel. But I appreciate any help I can get!!

The Lord took my wife home in August of 2015. We only have one daughter who is my technically my step daughter but still the same.
Both my parents are gone. I'm 58 this week coming up. I can tell you this. If you have family move to them. If I had family right now and while going thru this it would be a lot better. If you don't have to go thru this alone don't
No sense staying away from any support group you have. You can start to rebuild and heal with a close support group. It want be easy and you will still grieve be do not do this alone if you done have to. My advice is to move back closer to your family till your healed and then start rebuilding a new life best you can.
Prayers are with you.
Peace. Tim

I would not want to be alone in grief. (I am alone) but if you decide to move back near family & friends, just use caution about your expectations. This becomes a very lonely journey, even if we have had a very good and close support network before the loss. Even if we have shared the history of our whole relationship with others. Yes, it is helpful if we have pre-existing relationship with others who also are bonded with him. But they won't be IN your grief, and they will have very limited understanding of The Grieving You.
I am sorry, but look at the discussion titles here, which are about this issue. the ABC's of supportive people are: P.A.I.N.
People.
Are All.
Ineffective.
Neighbors. who soon are Not interested, No-good, Neglectful, insensitive comforters, with disabled (short) attention spans for us.
Although most of our loved ones really do care, and may even share grief & loss, they just do not know what we are going through.
The grief has no expiration date for you.. but it does for everyone else.
So, consider whether or not you also have other things to move back for.
I hate to say this, but research this site and get in touch with discouragement Here, rather than after you are already back in CA.
If you lower your expectations enough, then moving back can be better than nothing.
Widows & widowers lose 70% of their support network, (factual statistic) and that INCLUDES family.!
You heard it here. So go forth and multiply. Fill the earth.
(All by yourself).
Many hugs to you. I was married for 41 yrs, together 42. Husband died instantly. Have kids and grandkids, and a whole church full of present & past friends. (also, unfortunate new health crisis immediately) and it got very hard, very fast. Indeed.
Can you spell BORING? because that is how we are, to others, in our grief.
But I would still move back, if I were you.
Even though you will still have to go through this almost completely by yourself. Being able to scrounge up some hugs can help a lot.
Here's my first example of lousy comfort: "You are young and will find Someone new, fairly soon. In fact, I know this guy.........."
OK? I am 62, and one of my (and my husbands'!) ONLY true CLOSEST supporter friends has been saying that whole line to me, already. (minus the Young & 'I know this guy' part). People want to solve problems, not just hold you while you cry after some huge grief wave hits you in 6 months.
Many hugs to you. I am sorry you are here. We do understand your grief. but Do some research.
Oh hell no, wait: Test out your support network BY VOICE CALLS First. not texting. See how many loved ones call you back again. and again. and again. and again.
i.e. Have you tried online dating? No? You really should. I know this person who.......oh, never mind.
:-(
Virtual hugs again!

Thank you for the advice and kind words. I appreciate it more than anything.

you are very welcome. yesterday I was so depressed that I would have loved to die. Today, thanks to venting here (and friends' prayers), I am much better. Even after going out into the Real World this morning, and seeing my peoples' eyes glaze over with every word which got closer to mentioning my husband or GRIEF. and I wasn't even "down"! I was just visiting. chatting. small talk.
Take care of you, whatever that requires. I don't think anybody ever died from staying in bed and crying awhile. We need to vent and cry and be a big mess in honest ways. we buried our spouses, not ourselves or our own pain (even if we feel dead sometimes). Doing that will bite you every time.
Hugs.

Aftermom is correct. We mostly travel this road alone. Our grief does have a experation date for everyone but us. You may make your second 3000 mile move in 4 months and still feel all alone once you get back. We live in a couples society. The term 3rd wheel now applies to us. I'll give you a example of one of my experiences. A family member of mine texted or called me once a day for the first 2 weeks. Than every other day for 2 weeks. Than once a week for a few weeks. Now I'm lucky if I hear from her once a month. They have their own lives to live. We are mostly left to ourselfs to get ours back. I have no idea of your situation in CA. Are you abandoning a very good job? Can you financial afford to stay? Do you see yourself making a life for yourself there without your love? Do you like it there? Those are just some of the questions you should ask yourself before making another cross county move.

No rights. No wrongs. Do the best you can in your situation. Sounds to me like you have no support system where you now find yourself. Don't be afraid to just pack it in and get yourself near or even together with family or friends until you are able to get your bearings and stand on your own two feet. If you were my daughter, I'd tell you, Come home dear. Find as close of a place of peace that you can. Healing and recovery are what you need now. And if you think you can obtain that without the necessity of working to survive, by all means, take advantage of it. We've all got to give ourselves time to get through what without a doubt is the most traumatic experience of our life past and life to come. You are way stronger than you ever imagined yourself to be. Grief will prove that to you, among many lessons waiting to be learned. But I promise you, you will come out of this a better person if you but let yourself. ~~~ Scottie

You need to go home sweetheart. You will never get through this otherwise. You need your family. This terrible thing becomes so much more painful over time and you need to be with the people who care for you the most. You need your Mum and Dad. The struggle becomes worse with time. I'm at 3 years now and I struggle every day without my beautiful man. Go home to your family darling.

I lost my Wife 8 weeks ago. I have kids at home so my situation is different because they are the reason I get out of bed each morning. I do miss my wife everyday and each day the hurt of not having with me. This weekend our daughter graduated from high school and what got me thru it was my family and friends. If you have a strong relationship with your family I would at least go visit them for awhile. Grieving alone is a hard process and family will force you to get out of bed. Good Luck.

When my wife died I laid two ground rules for myself. No fighting and no self destruction. Other then that I let my grief out as I had to or who knows what I would have done.

Share, share, share your feelings as often as you need to don't bottle this stuff up and don't hesitate to walk away from unsupportive people.

Hugs.

I was glad to have the support from my family and friends after my husband died, but it isn't an escape from the pain and loss. You need to make plans for what is best for you knowing that the emotions will go with you.
Could you go home for a visit? Even an extended one? I don't know your financial and your employer would feel.
I am very sorry for your loss. You are right, you are very young to lose your husband. I am here for you. Sharon

See if you can arrange a grief counselling session, and have a chat with this issue with the counselor. What Sharon said was my experience as well. It is good to see family but mostly they find it hard to console you... especially in an ongoing basis if that's your expectation.

Thank you everyone so so much. I do have a therapist I see out here in CA. I have decided I am going to go home next month. I have both parents and an amazing younger brother who's graduating highschool. He's one of my closest friends as well as an amazing brother. I'm very lucky to have a great family to be able to go to. I'm just working as a server right now and can transfer to a restaurant in NY.
I am in so much pain and everyone else's lives around me are still moving forward while mine feels like it's at a standstill. I appreciate everyone's replies. I totally understand that my family have their own lives too but I have absolutely no one out here aside from a few friends. My childhood best girl friends are home in NY as well as the family. I am looking for grief counseling to get right into and have found groups to attend while I'm still here.
Again, thank you for everyone's replies and advice. It's more helpful than you all may even know. I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with Ryan and I'm at a loss as far as what my future holds now. One day at a time I guess!

I'm glad to hear you have decided what's best for you. Sounds like you have a very good support system waiting for you back in NY. That is a good thing! I also was supposed to spend the rest of my life with Anne. I'm sure she wished the same towards me. I know Ryan wished the same towards you. The one thing we both can take solace in is that they both got their wish. Good thoughts and best of luck to you!! We are all always here for each other.