At the moment, I don't really care about the future. I'll deal with it, when it becomes the present...

Several have commented that living one day at a time is the way to cope; I totally agree. I lost my husband 6 yrs. ago and for me the first year was raw pain and sadness. I was married 50 yrs., so I am much older than most of you. There is a saying I can relate to: "Yesterday is history; tomorrow is a mystery; today is a gift, that's why we call it the present."

For me, living each day (not worrying about the future) was what kept me sane during my husband's long illness. So, after his death, I continued to cope in the same way. We all face unknowns, disappointments, sadness, regret, guilt etc. Remember "yesterday is history." We can't change the past by asking ourselves "what if" and "why didn't I" etc. Try to begin each day with thoughts of gratitude -- for a home, children, pets, good memories, good health etc. My faith in God has sustained me through all the hard times of the past several years.

We are all different. I began to feel much better emotionally after the first anniversary of Frank's death passed. It was gradual -- and that searing pain of the first yr. slowly faded. Losing our mate leaves a hole in our hearts and lives, but eventually your day won't always begin with "he/she is gone forever." I still know this, but I feel I have accepted it and "adjusted" as much as possible.

I wish the best for all of you who are in that difficult first year. People who haven't experienced it don't have a clue about the total despair the newly widowed can feel. Remember, don't try to plan too far ahead. Be kind to yourself, and thankful for family and friends who support you.
Doye

News flash......losing someone you put your heart and soul into really, really hurts......This doesn't get better by itself......it takes us living it every single, solitary day!!!! It feels so awful, so lonely, so painful!

I never, ever imagined my life without Morey.....He made it better, everyday, he made it worth it! Everything was ALWAYS going to be okay because we had each other! Nothing was insurmountable, WE could do it!!!

It's now 23 months, I've done so much.....I never would have believed it! I would have NEVER imagined all that I've accomplished without Morey.

We're stronger, braver and smarter than we think.

Roz

I could have wrote some of these as well. The lost dreams and hopes.. the life we built together.. our home and stuff we acquired.. oh the memories. I miss him so very much and I pray to God it gets better or he takes me on. I just cannot imagine living like this for years. I am trying to get better at taking one day at a time. It is very hard for me as I am a planner and am unsure about decisions I need to make over the next few months. Prayers to all!

It sounds like your husband built you a paradise, you should enjoy it, he would want you to. I don't look to far into the future anymore, I've learned that I don't know what it holds for me. I try to concentrate on the here and now, and figure I'll deal with the future when it gets here.

I am struggling with this as well. My husband and I were high school sweethearts and married 40 years. This was never part of future plans 10 months ago life changed and how to cope I have no idea. We built our home on the farm he grew up at and all around are so many wonderful memories but gut wrenching sadness as well.

MrsLfromTX you are going to go on like I am..Our story about our homes is very alike. Binoculars still on our dresser so Ray could go out on our deck and look at the deer, turkey, horses, cattle, and goats. Our place is beautiful as well, trees blooming, grass turning green..

Your question; "how can i go on without him for what may be a very long time?" You take as good of care of the place in his memory as you can, enjoy what you enjoyed together now do it by yourself and re live memories the two of you had and the life you had. That's what I am doing, have to do, they'd want us to do that for them as if it was still with them. I cry each day, am crying now in sorry over your and my lost futures and happiness but life is what it is and we have to go on.

I pray for the day this place brings me joy again and I can smile at it's beauty. Others on here say it will happen so I am waiting.

Another thought I've had, we get pop ups on this site for dating groups. I started to fill one out then quit.

I am lonely, would like company, someone to talk with, laugh with, and share life with.. But in really thinking about those thoughts. It's not someone new that I want, it's Ray back that I want. I compare pictures of the guys to Ray, read profiles and compare them to Ray. None fit even close to him. And I know I have written it before in posts...I live S.W.Missouri, Ray and I were from just outside of Chicago..big difference in the quality of people. Most men here are not worried about having or keeping their teeth, have big 'ole beer guts under overalls, most haven't finished or barely finished HS, we are college grad. most here probley look at me as the rich widow, because we actually have a house not a trailer with every car ever owned in the front yard..

Also even if I met someone, I couldn't/wouldn't bring a new guy here to Ray and my house. "WE" built this place, it holds to many memories of "us". I wouldn't want to move from here. So in thinking with the mind of a widow of 2 months, I want to try real hard to accept life as it is, love my home again and live out what God has planned my life to last. Some have said you learn to like your solitude..so be it. I don't feel old but am realizing this is it, that's all there is folks, my life is what I have now..

That is how I feel too ramar.....my life now is it. I will learn to deal with it on those terms. I will stay in our home until I can no longer do so....after that, I have no clue.

I will enjoy times with my close friends. Going out 3 times this week which I am looking forward to.

I am taking my Ativan 3 x a day and that helped me yesterday to get into a better place and have taken one this morning...so far so good.

Thank you MrsLfromTX for bringing up this topic and thanks to all who replied to it. At 8 months since I lost my husband I live with these heavy thoughts all the time. In my "previous life" I was a planner person looking in the future for at least next 10 years... Now it's very hard to live day by day pattern, but I understand that's the only way to survive.

Birch333 In my previous life, just a short 2 months ago, I too was a planner. Ray and I had all kinds of plans for what we'd do after his recovery from surgery. We sat many times going through the computer looking up dates so we could fish BASS TOURNAMENTS together, his passion, we looked up NSTRA Dog Trials so we could trial our dogs together. We sat a few evenings on the computer looking at trips out west to visit National Parks in the fall. Even planned a peacock bass fishing trip to Florida..Each day we had planned, when we'd work, when we'd play. He had been ill since June2014 so we took it easy last summer, but had great plans for as the Dr. told him, 3 months after surgery you'll be better then new and able to do whatever you want..mmm no plans now but to get up each morning get through the day and then go to bed..that doesn't take much planning..but it's really hard..

My husband was a bass fisherman also. He taught me how to fish with artificial baits and we both never knew when to quit. It was his passion and I can't think of a better meditation than fishing. It took me a year to finally deal with getting rid of clothes and it wasn't until the summer of 2014 that I sold his Ranger bass boat and a little two seat boat for fishing streams and ponds. I have not fished since he passed which was August 14, 2012. It is very hard for me to think that I could be by myself for the rest of my life and just getting by one day at a time with no plans for future things. I am trying to stop thinking about the future, but I have not felt joy in 32 months. Every time I have to open the garage door, I still see all the tackle that is still there and reminders of what I can't do without him. I admire your spunk. You seem like a pretty tough cookie. I certainly hope we can help each other along this unexpected journey. By the way, my husband and I were fishing Truman Lake the day of the Oklahoma bombing. It was cold, raining and rough water, but pretty good fishing. Take care, pj1952

You gals are wonderful. Morey bought a home near Lake Casitas near Ojai California. He loved that old house because it was near the lake where he could take a respite and go fishing on the weekends or take time away just for himself. He rarely did it, because I whined like a baby that I wanted to be with him [I was such a pest.] I loved his company and missed him terribly when we were apart.

You know we'll NEVER find men like ours were. We were the lucky one's who found the love of our lives and now they're gone! We're left to carry on. What will we do? Can we make lives for ourselves?

I think the answer is within us. WE HAVE TO! We have to show our wonderful men that we can survive, we can do it!

I wish you all the peace, grace, calmness and fortitude that it's going to take to move forward with our lives. I believe we can do it......I believe we can!!!

Roz

Over the past 2 years, I have went over my life. I realized, my husband lived his life, did what he wanted to. I was the one, who took care of everyone, and the kids. He never allowed me to do what I wanted to. I kept "waiting" for, "my turn". 50 years later, now at 65, I can't do the things I wanted to do. My energy is all used up. My health is not good. I have had surgery on both hands, neck. I know I wanted to do Art, painting. Photography, travel. Now on limited income, and can no longer work.

Oh my, m I depressed? Sandee

My marriage came to an end early in life for me. It sucks! I will be fine in regard to making a life for my kids and being financially secure but what I worry about most is my youngest child that never felt his father's touch. Some day he will be grown and someone will ask him what his dad was like and he can only say he never met him. That sucks more.

Maggie