People are strange aren't they? They need to walk in our shoes. My husband was a beautiful man also. No one could ever replace him and not should they. Life goes on but our loved ones stay forever in our hearts. Much love xx

Thank you and hugs to you.

I lost my husband January 30, 2017 and I am also young and I have no intentions of remarriage because I also feel I had the best husband for me and no one can compare. People say things that they have no clue about or they think it helps. I wish they would just think before they speak.

I have tried to educate someone who say: "why don't you look for a boy friend, why are you still wearing your ring, etc." I told them this is not the right thing to say to a widow, so now they know not to say it.

Since this thread is titled "Things That People Say", I thought I would add mine:

About a week or so after my husband died, my neighbor said, "Oh, now you need to get a puppy."

Um, yeah. A puppy will certainly solve all of my problems.

Sigh.

Generally, I try to be charitable when people say things, even stupid and inappropriate things, because I honestly believe that most people do not know WHAT to say and that they mean no harm. Besides, I am sure that I unknowingly said something stupid to a bereaved person at least once or twice in my life.

However, some things.........................like whether I ever choose to have a boyfriend or not..................are nobody's business.

I have also had people I barely know ask me whether I am going to sell the house, whether I got any life insurance and why I "sit in the house all the time". For the record, I do NOT sit in the house all of the time, but even if I did, so what??????????? At 55 years old, I am old enough to decide how I spend my time.

People!!!!!!

Talking about selling the house. This guy said he knew my husband and my husband would be upset if he was here knowing that I sold the house too cheap. He said my daughter has promised him to be the selling agent and he send my daughter a harassing and unprofessional e-mail through her work site. My daughter just cried and cried on top of the grief she's facing. Her boss stepped in and demanded respect in a return e-mail to this guy. I never heard of him before. He has no right to be in our business. I don't know what rights did he have to assume my daughter would let him sell our house.

I am 35 and since losing my husband in January people are coming up to me wondering when i will start dating again. I was married to my soul mate and best friend and no one could ever replace him but its not even been a month and people are so cruel with their words

I think someone should write a book called Stupid Shit People Say to Widows and Widowers. I bet it would be a best seller...

People do more harm than good with their remarks.
This just shows that we don't know what it's like until we've "walked in their shoes".
Even those of us who have experienced the loss of a spouse have different circumstances, so we never will totally "walk in their shoes".
Sometimes I just have not responded to a comment or question. I change the subject...
jdp

It has been almost seven years for me, and I get the "at least you have grandchildren." How do they figure that grandchildren can be a substitute for the love and companionship that you had with a spouse? Also, he was "the one." I loved him with all my heart and continue to miss him every day that I am without him.
Roxanne

I completely understand where you're coming from and when people say things like that I just take it with a grain of salt. They just don't know because they've never walked in our shoes. I've been guilty of that in the past before I became a widow and didn't even realize it. So....just let it go for what it is. Sometimes in life we just have to be like a duck in the water and let things like that roll off of our backs. Of course, some people do love to butt into your business when it is not any of theirs but that's just human nature...another thing we all have to live with whether we lost a spouse or not.

I also wanted to say please don't eliminate finding another love in your life because it can and does happen..... sometimes when you least expect it or never even thought about it. Trust me when I say you can love again just as deep but differently.

I loved my husband just as much as anyone else loved theirs but I also love myself and life enough to know that although he lived the rest of his life with me I still have the rest of my life to live. Therefore, wanting it to be the best it possibly can be after everything that has happened, and making peace with myself....love unexpectly found me for the second time around and I know without doubt that it's with the blessings of our dearly departed. We certainly are not replacing them.... they will always have that very special place in our hearts filled with precious memories of our life with them. But, now this new life is without them and we must carry on...whether to live it on your own or share it with someone else is a personal choice and one to be respected by others. Happiness and peace are the key and however you can find it... grab onto it, and cherish it when it happens with no guilt or regret.

Don't count anything out, just take each day one at a time and learn to be one with yourself and appreciate what was. Many in life don't ever experience the love that we have had....so believe it or not we are the lucky ones.

So.... what to say to those who nib in your business or make comments that are inappropriate… Just smile and say thanks for your concern, I'm working on it....turn around and walk away. Always remember, you teach people how to treat you… You are in control of every situation.

Much love to you all. My thoughts are with you on this journey for strength and courage.

Darcie

I agreed with Staygolden3. When love finds you again, never say never, it could happen. For me I am done, I am still trying to figure out myself being alone. Thank you to everyone's response.

Love, knows no bounds... I too will probably never remarry. But I did tell my passed on husband, that if he brings someone my way, then I may reconsider. I too got the stupid arse comments, your young, youll find someone else, or he's in a happy place.. really, really,,, cause the freakin last time we both check we were both euphoric about him being with us... geez,

I will however admit, I have been guilty of saying stupid chit... we all dont know what we have no experienced.

We are only guaranteed this moment... live in it...atleast that's what I'm trying to accomplish, baby steps.. lol. Much love and hugs carla

Silverfoxwife..First,. we who post here have all experienced what you have posted..People mean well and I've learned to just accept that we all have flaws, and need to be forgiving of them..
Darcie, gave you the best advice, as she usually does, she is the wise guru of this sight..;-)
My husband Dennis, passed 21 months ago of a heart attack in his sleep and I found him, just the way he always said he wanted to transition, just 4 days after Darcie's husband Ira passed..
I never thought I would be where I'am today accepting, the reality that Dennis is not coming back, and forgiving myself for not being with him when in passed..I think we have all experienced guilt, such a useless emotion..I know Dennis loved me and I loved him..I miss him everyday..
The only thing I never let anyone get away with is when speaking about Dennis, is not using his name when doing so..I won't accept them saying are you over it, he was not an it, he was Dennis, my husband and father of our children..My granddaughter said one day when I was having a really bad day just think grandma, if you and grandpa hadn't got married, my Mom, my aunts, my cousins and I wouldn't be hear..Kind of put it in prospective what life is about...I thought of the movie, It's A wonderful Life, when she said that...
I noticed in another comment you made you'd have been to Zions National Park..I live in Utah and have spent many days there..Such a beautiful place as there are many here..For me Nature is where I find the most peace..Dennis's and mine ashes are going to be scattered close too there..
Take care many hugs and happy trails too you also..;-)..Gail..

When someone we love becomes a memory, that memory becomes a treasure...

I am 38 and I lost my husband a few weeks ago and that is the thing people always say. "You are young, you will find someone." It takes everything in me from yelling "I don't want anyone else I want MY husband!!!"