Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
In about two weeks it will be the anniversary of my husband's actual death. He lost consciousness on March 15, but didn't die for another two weeks. Anyhow, I'm planning to take my ring off on April 1, 2011. I've observed the old-fashioned idea of mourning him for one year. I have a friend who wore black for a year when her mother died, but this seemed a better idea to me.
Anyhow, I'm starting to feel better about it, and starting to get the old idea of mourning a person for a certain period of time. It's hard to explain, but it's like you're saying 'I'm allowing myself to mourn, to miss him, to cry for one entire year, but after that I live.
I can feel the excitment coursing through my veins. I'm planning to enjoy life again(fully), to live again. I'm planning to move forward.
I know there are many people here who plan to keep wearing their rings. I want to say to them that that's okay. We all must do what makes us feel good on this journey, but for me, well, I've felt trapped in the past. Unable to move forward because there was something holding me back.
So come April, 1st, I will be like a Victorian woman who for one year had been confined to the house, wearing black, not free to socialize. But now color has suddenly come back into her life.
So on April 1st, I anticipate being happy. I'm planning to celebrate the day by doing something special. I will still come to this site, but in a different capacity--helping others navigate that first year. I want to be supportive. And maybe sometimes I'll even come here for support.
I know there are those who say that I'm setting myself up for failure, but I know this is not true. In my Penticostal religion, it's called a vision statement. In the secular world, it's called wishcraft. On Oprah she spoke of writing it down, pasting it somewhere you can see it. Write it down, and picture it in your mind, she said. So that's what I'm doing.
Here's my vision statement:
On April 1st, 2011, I will be a new woman. I will be happy, content. I will love my husband, but I will not hold on to him. I will become a member of a new church or return to the old. I will socialize, learn Spanish, laugh. I will not look at the darkness of life, but the light of life.
On April 1st, 2011, I am born.
Tru
Anyhow, I'm starting to feel better about it, and starting to get the old idea of mourning a person for a certain period of time. It's hard to explain, but it's like you're saying 'I'm allowing myself to mourn, to miss him, to cry for one entire year, but after that I live.
I can feel the excitment coursing through my veins. I'm planning to enjoy life again(fully), to live again. I'm planning to move forward.
I know there are many people here who plan to keep wearing their rings. I want to say to them that that's okay. We all must do what makes us feel good on this journey, but for me, well, I've felt trapped in the past. Unable to move forward because there was something holding me back.
So come April, 1st, I will be like a Victorian woman who for one year had been confined to the house, wearing black, not free to socialize. But now color has suddenly come back into her life.
So on April 1st, I anticipate being happy. I'm planning to celebrate the day by doing something special. I will still come to this site, but in a different capacity--helping others navigate that first year. I want to be supportive. And maybe sometimes I'll even come here for support.
I know there are those who say that I'm setting myself up for failure, but I know this is not true. In my Penticostal religion, it's called a vision statement. In the secular world, it's called wishcraft. On Oprah she spoke of writing it down, pasting it somewhere you can see it. Write it down, and picture it in your mind, she said. So that's what I'm doing.
Here's my vision statement:
On April 1st, 2011, I will be a new woman. I will be happy, content. I will love my husband, but I will not hold on to him. I will become a member of a new church or return to the old. I will socialize, learn Spanish, laugh. I will not look at the darkness of life, but the light of life.
On April 1st, 2011, I am born.
Tru
Linda
Like you I am committed to one year of grieving. I'm not fooling myself, I know that the one year mark isn't going to be a "switch" that is going to turn off all of my feelings, but for now, I honor my husband in this year of grief. I have a trip to Europe planned that will take place over the course of the one year mark (also our wedding anniversary). I plan on taking my rings off then.
Blessings to all of us as we continue this journey.
Linda