Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
In about two weeks it will be the anniversary of my husband's actual death. He lost consciousness on March 15, but didn't die for another two weeks. Anyhow, I'm planning to take my ring off on April 1, 2011. I've observed the old-fashioned idea of mourning him for one year. I have a friend who wore black for a year when her mother died, but this seemed a better idea to me.
Anyhow, I'm starting to feel better about it, and starting to get the old idea of mourning a person for a certain period of time. It's hard to explain, but it's like you're saying 'I'm allowing myself to mourn, to miss him, to cry for one entire year, but after that I live.
I can feel the excitment coursing through my veins. I'm planning to enjoy life again(fully), to live again. I'm planning to move forward.
I know there are many people here who plan to keep wearing their rings. I want to say to them that that's okay. We all must do what makes us feel good on this journey, but for me, well, I've felt trapped in the past. Unable to move forward because there was something holding me back.
So come April, 1st, I will be like a Victorian woman who for one year had been confined to the house, wearing black, not free to socialize. But now color has suddenly come back into her life.
So on April 1st, I anticipate being happy. I'm planning to celebrate the day by doing something special. I will still come to this site, but in a different capacity--helping others navigate that first year. I want to be supportive. And maybe sometimes I'll even come here for support.
I know there are those who say that I'm setting myself up for failure, but I know this is not true. In my Penticostal religion, it's called a vision statement. In the secular world, it's called wishcraft. On Oprah she spoke of writing it down, pasting it somewhere you can see it. Write it down, and picture it in your mind, she said. So that's what I'm doing.
Here's my vision statement:
On April 1st, 2011, I will be a new woman. I will be happy, content. I will love my husband, but I will not hold on to him. I will become a member of a new church or return to the old. I will socialize, learn Spanish, laugh. I will not look at the darkness of life, but the light of life.
On April 1st, 2011, I am born.
Tru
Anyhow, I'm starting to feel better about it, and starting to get the old idea of mourning a person for a certain period of time. It's hard to explain, but it's like you're saying 'I'm allowing myself to mourn, to miss him, to cry for one entire year, but after that I live.
I can feel the excitment coursing through my veins. I'm planning to enjoy life again(fully), to live again. I'm planning to move forward.
I know there are many people here who plan to keep wearing their rings. I want to say to them that that's okay. We all must do what makes us feel good on this journey, but for me, well, I've felt trapped in the past. Unable to move forward because there was something holding me back.
So come April, 1st, I will be like a Victorian woman who for one year had been confined to the house, wearing black, not free to socialize. But now color has suddenly come back into her life.
So on April 1st, I anticipate being happy. I'm planning to celebrate the day by doing something special. I will still come to this site, but in a different capacity--helping others navigate that first year. I want to be supportive. And maybe sometimes I'll even come here for support.
I know there are those who say that I'm setting myself up for failure, but I know this is not true. In my Penticostal religion, it's called a vision statement. In the secular world, it's called wishcraft. On Oprah she spoke of writing it down, pasting it somewhere you can see it. Write it down, and picture it in your mind, she said. So that's what I'm doing.
Here's my vision statement:
On April 1st, 2011, I will be a new woman. I will be happy, content. I will love my husband, but I will not hold on to him. I will become a member of a new church or return to the old. I will socialize, learn Spanish, laugh. I will not look at the darkness of life, but the light of life.
On April 1st, 2011, I am born.
Tru
And inspirational. I took wedding ring off recently but largely because its one that collected alot of dirt & irritated my finger I always had to take off for awhile so a few weeks ago I decided I would leave it off.
Unsure what I will with it now, I am at 7 1/2 months. I put it with my husbands & until I decide will cherish them there. I thought about putting some stones of my two kids in his (diamond is mine) & size it for me...
Looking for a nice ring to replace it, a mothers ring or something nice just for me.
I don't wear my rings around the house and when I go out I sometimes wear my diamond wedding rings and sometimes wear the plain ring that was my grandmothers. The diamonds on both my engagement and wedding rings are all heirloom diamonds from both my mother's and grandmother's rings, so they symbolize more than marriage to me. I intend to wear them as long as I live and then they will go to my new granddaughter. I have another heirloom diamond ring that my oldest granddaughter will get. Judith
A Dean Koontz quote that is posted here from time to time ends:
"...the ache is always there, but one day, not the emptiness, because to nurture the emptiness, to take solace in it, is to disrespect the gift of life."
As I headed into this new year I started making efforts NOT to take solace in the emptiness. I did take my ring off (but I still wear her bear pendant) and have made some progress. I hope to get to the joy you are describing one day.
You go girl!
-Pete-
Life has been good. Yes, we've had some road bumps along the way but no collisions, so to speak. We are enjoying each other's company and our Golden Years together. Best of Luck with your venturing out and moving on. Only YOU knows when the time is right........hugs from New Jersey....Jenny
I hope April 1 is a great day for you, and that you find a great church. My church was a God send ( had to say it) during Mary's illness and the aftermath....so I know how it might help you, too. I just found it full of healing energy, and the people seemed more gentle than the folks in the business and social worlds.
congrats on your decision - hope it's all you are anticipating.
Jules