Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
In about two weeks it will be the anniversary of my husband's actual death. He lost consciousness on March 15, but didn't die for another two weeks. Anyhow, I'm planning to take my ring off on April 1, 2011. I've observed the old-fashioned idea of mourning him for one year. I have a friend who wore black for a year when her mother died, but this seemed a better idea to me.
Anyhow, I'm starting to feel better about it, and starting to get the old idea of mourning a person for a certain period of time. It's hard to explain, but it's like you're saying 'I'm allowing myself to mourn, to miss him, to cry for one entire year, but after that I live.
I can feel the excitment coursing through my veins. I'm planning to enjoy life again(fully), to live again. I'm planning to move forward.
I know there are many people here who plan to keep wearing their rings. I want to say to them that that's okay. We all must do what makes us feel good on this journey, but for me, well, I've felt trapped in the past. Unable to move forward because there was something holding me back.
So come April, 1st, I will be like a Victorian woman who for one year had been confined to the house, wearing black, not free to socialize. But now color has suddenly come back into her life.
So on April 1st, I anticipate being happy. I'm planning to celebrate the day by doing something special. I will still come to this site, but in a different capacity--helping others navigate that first year. I want to be supportive. And maybe sometimes I'll even come here for support.
I know there are those who say that I'm setting myself up for failure, but I know this is not true. In my Penticostal religion, it's called a vision statement. In the secular world, it's called wishcraft. On Oprah she spoke of writing it down, pasting it somewhere you can see it. Write it down, and picture it in your mind, she said. So that's what I'm doing.
Here's my vision statement:
On April 1st, 2011, I will be a new woman. I will be happy, content. I will love my husband, but I will not hold on to him. I will become a member of a new church or return to the old. I will socialize, learn Spanish, laugh. I will not look at the darkness of life, but the light of life.
On April 1st, 2011, I am born.
Tru
Anyhow, I'm starting to feel better about it, and starting to get the old idea of mourning a person for a certain period of time. It's hard to explain, but it's like you're saying 'I'm allowing myself to mourn, to miss him, to cry for one entire year, but after that I live.
I can feel the excitment coursing through my veins. I'm planning to enjoy life again(fully), to live again. I'm planning to move forward.
I know there are many people here who plan to keep wearing their rings. I want to say to them that that's okay. We all must do what makes us feel good on this journey, but for me, well, I've felt trapped in the past. Unable to move forward because there was something holding me back.
So come April, 1st, I will be like a Victorian woman who for one year had been confined to the house, wearing black, not free to socialize. But now color has suddenly come back into her life.
So on April 1st, I anticipate being happy. I'm planning to celebrate the day by doing something special. I will still come to this site, but in a different capacity--helping others navigate that first year. I want to be supportive. And maybe sometimes I'll even come here for support.
I know there are those who say that I'm setting myself up for failure, but I know this is not true. In my Penticostal religion, it's called a vision statement. In the secular world, it's called wishcraft. On Oprah she spoke of writing it down, pasting it somewhere you can see it. Write it down, and picture it in your mind, she said. So that's what I'm doing.
Here's my vision statement:
On April 1st, 2011, I will be a new woman. I will be happy, content. I will love my husband, but I will not hold on to him. I will become a member of a new church or return to the old. I will socialize, learn Spanish, laugh. I will not look at the darkness of life, but the light of life.
On April 1st, 2011, I am born.
Tru
I love this and I applaud you for it!
I can't imagine a year into this. Its only been 3 months for me. And its hard for me to imagine a whole year of "not living". I miss Jeff so much. But I can't imagine that he would want me to mourn him, not living life, not enjoying the beauty and color of the world around me. He knows I gave us being social for him during our marriage. He was a home body. I was the social butterfly. I gave us friends and doing stuff because I fell in love with a man who meant more to me than doing ANYTHING. But now that my love has passed and I am alone, I don't know that I can wait a whole year to LIVE again.
I think Jeff would give me his blessing to live my life however it may come to me. I may never find love again, and that is fine with me. I had the love of my life and I know I was blessed to have him. But, IF love should find me again someday, I would not turn it away. And my love for Jeff will never be overshawdowed by someone new. It would have to be just a different kind of love.
I wish you the best and I am excited for you as you approach April 1st. And I look forward to guidance and words of hope and wisdom as you help the rest of us get to our year anniversary.
Liz
It just hit me a few days ago that I needed to let go, and remove the rings. You are right they are keeping me locked in the past.
So Happy Pre Birthday.
Holly
Hugs Lu Ann
I took the rings off before the year anniversary. It was just too sad to look at them. It will be 2 years in May for me. Funny, I was cleaning out a drawer the other day and looking in my jewel box. I slipped the rings on my finger and they looked strange to me, not at all a part of who I am know. I will keep them and cherish them but "those days" are past. Sad somehow.
Cindy xxoo
((((hugs)))
Carla
Maggie
Kudos to an articulate, brave woman who has a plan. BTW, I had a pendant made from our rings. It's a lovely piece of jewelry that I wear often. TJ
Christie
I think it is so great... that you intend to honor your husband and the love you shared.... by moving forward with the life the Lord has blessed you with.
I also have planned to remove my ring on the one year anniversary. Presently I'm at 8 1/2 months, and I LOVE wearing my ring on my wedding ring finger... and I wear his on a gold chain around my neck.
I hope I will have the strength to take them off on July 5th, as I hope to.
Do you have any plans for the rings... I thought about taking them to a jeweler and making them both into one pretty piece of jewelery....but have not a CLUE!!
Way to go Tru. May God bless you and strengthen you!
Hugs, Linda