And just to add something, Terry always liked my sarcasm and would’ve laughed so hard at my response to her... he didn’t like her much anyway...

Gave me a chuckle!! Wow some people sure are insensitive!! ((Hugs))

Dear inked1,
Good for you! You are just at over 2 months. The family member has no clue. Terry is smiling I am sure. Love and Hugs.

Thank y’all for understanding.. Hugs and Happy New Year. May we all have blessings bestowed upon us this year.

I used to wrap up in Cliff's bathrobe to sleep, it was almost the only thing I had left with his scent on it. (He'd done all his laundry the day before he died.) I had that and his raggedy jeans, and not a lot else. He died in our bed, so there was deathbed 'mess' (some of you will know what I mean), so the linens all had to go.

We do what we got to do to cope. Nobody understands it until they are in it.

May the New Year help you find peace.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Thank you Martha. Terry died in his favorite chair and of course I got rid of it. I’ve got a new chair scheduled to be delivered on Jan. 5th I did replace the bed linens, not because I had to, but just needed a new look, however, spraying the pillow with his cologne does seem to bring some peace at night when I’m feeling super lonely. And you’re right, unless someone has been in our shoes, I and wish that upon no one, they just can’t understand. What bothers me is when people who don’t understand try to act like they have all the answers.. Just let go, get back on with your life, the sooner you get over this the better off you’ll be, it’ll get easier, and so on.... It was almost 11 years ago when Steven passed away, he became my husband when I turned 20. I still haven’t ever “gotten over” his passing. It still remains very fresh in my mind. I often shared my feelings with Terry and he listened and it didn’t bother him that I talked about Steven so much. He said he would’ve loved to have known him. I kept Steven’s watch on my nightstand and it never bothered Terry. I still have it there and probably always will. Now with Terry’s cologne on the pillow and Steven’s watch next to me, I feel super protected and super loved. I feel like they’re probably sitting up there in heaven laughing and joking and having some drinks together sharing stories about me while they both look over me as I sleep. Crazy or not, It’s what I have to believe.

I don't think it's crazy at all. And that's probably how it works. You probably would have done the same thing had the positions been reversed. I know I would.

Oh how I hated my husbands cologne. I’d tell him don’t touch me I’ll smell it all day. After the heart attack that took his brain I woke up went over to the bed and I smelled it. I knew I purposely didn’t bring it to the hospital. Didn’t want to smell it sitting in the room. It was at that point I knew his spirit was leaving his body. I smiled and and said ok Babe. I knew he left then. The next day we removed the breathing tube and a few minutes the shell that no longer held the spirit stopped breathing. When I got home the clothes he threw over the chair 2 weeks before were still there. 2 months later they still hold his scent. I pick them up and inhale deeply. I know one day the scent will fade. But for now I smell him and I feel closer. So that scent holds special meaning to me. Leave it to him to make me love that stinkin cologne. So dear friends and relatives take a flying leap unless you walk in my shoes.

I don't think that's weird at all. My husband used Old Spice while we were dating and used the Old Spice Shower Gel. I didn't get rid of the bath gel and take a whiff whenever I want to get butterfly's. It's really hard when someone else is wearing it although I don't think it's as popular as it was in the 60's. God I love that cologne.

My Dad used to wear Old Spice. Whenever I smell it, I think of my Dad.

Cliff wore Aramis - I don't know if anyone still wears that either. I was clearing out a storage closet a couple years after he died, and I came across an old jacket of his at the back of the closet and just buried my face in it. Old leather, Aramis, cigarette smoke, stale coffee, and sweat -- who the heck would get emotional over that combination? Well, me, of course....

Grief can make you do some crazy stuff. But if it helps you get through and doesn't hurt you or anyone else, then go for it. It won't always be this hard. A lot of coping mechanisms aren't needed long-term. The first couple years are like a kind of temporary insanity.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Thank you all for those kind words.. I do appreciate that y’all understand, Maybe there’s still hope for me.. Maybe I’m not as crazy as I think I am.

Nine years and I still occasionally spray his cologne.....

I don't think spraying the calone is weird at all. I have Mike's ponytail braid that he kept from way back when; I asked my mother-in-law and my stepkids if I could have it since they have pictures that they can see (I am blind); at least I can touch his ponytail. That might be a little weird, now that I think a bout it...or not...
I have also kept things like his anti-perspirint and body butter he was using on the day he passed away and I sometimes open them and smell them. It makes me feel closer to him on some level...

Funny the kids gave me a build a bear. Totally unexpected. My pet name for the lil ones in the family is monkey. It was a lil monkey dressed in his football teams jersey. My son said mom smell it. It even smells like dad. My youngest started wearing his dad stinky cologne. One day he sat next to me. I said why do you smell like dad. So he had smoothed a lil cologne on the gift. As much as I hated that cologne it made me cry to smell something so familiar. It helps me and I guess my son too. Nothing strikes me as weird if it helps you get over the hurt.

i sometimes wear his deodorant and i wear the perfume he loved on me once in a while. Saved the bag with the clothes he died in and smell them..so no i think your normal.Grief is normal