Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I need to get something off of my chest here. Most of my pain and introspections are placed in my journal, which I openly share with everyone. It is my way of getting back to letting God come first in my life, and all others after Him. I also receive the benefit of learning about ME and who I really am. The experience is awesome. On the other hand, all of the support, feedback and fellowship that exists here have given me so many friends that I feel as though I can not say to them all what I want in trying to help them process the pain and whatever else they need to deal with. I feel like I am cheating you all for the sake of myself.
And there are brand new people stumbling upon us so desparate to come to terms with the awful hand that God has helped them. One new member has found us 2 years after her loss. She's had NO HELP in 2 years. Another just lost her spouse 2 months ago. They come every day to us. I can't explain it, and I know that it's not MY job to heal everyone, but I want so much to give what help I can to those who seek it. It is consuming my waking moments.
Now we are facing more crisis with dear people in different groups snipping and sniping with one another for trivial reasons, and we have a wonderful lady wishing to leave this place in pain. That's not acceptable to me. Nor is it acceptable to have a new member question her decision to join us when she sees the friction.
I have said it before and it bears repeating. As an alcoholic myself, and one who has lost his wife to cancer fueled by HER alcoholism, I see both sides with a clarity that most people should be thankful they don't. The common demons here are anger and denial. People grieving and people struggling in the shackles of alcoholism are both experiencing these emotions intensely. Those who have lost half of their lives to this wretched disease are angry with the alcohol. Those who are aflicted by it are angry that they are, and BOTH of them are in denial of the reality of what is happening to them.
And just like vinegar and water, the two just don't mix well. Ellen, leave if you must. But leave because you no longer need us, and go with God. But if you need us, we need you. And I, for one, would ask you to stay. And for our new travelers in grief I would offer that just as all families quarrel, the strong ones grow stronger in spite of the conflict. And this IS a family. And we ought not to be so dismissive and judgemental of one another. We already hurt enough.
Sorry this took so long. It just needed to be said.....Joe....:-)
And there are brand new people stumbling upon us so desparate to come to terms with the awful hand that God has helped them. One new member has found us 2 years after her loss. She's had NO HELP in 2 years. Another just lost her spouse 2 months ago. They come every day to us. I can't explain it, and I know that it's not MY job to heal everyone, but I want so much to give what help I can to those who seek it. It is consuming my waking moments.
Now we are facing more crisis with dear people in different groups snipping and sniping with one another for trivial reasons, and we have a wonderful lady wishing to leave this place in pain. That's not acceptable to me. Nor is it acceptable to have a new member question her decision to join us when she sees the friction.
I have said it before and it bears repeating. As an alcoholic myself, and one who has lost his wife to cancer fueled by HER alcoholism, I see both sides with a clarity that most people should be thankful they don't. The common demons here are anger and denial. People grieving and people struggling in the shackles of alcoholism are both experiencing these emotions intensely. Those who have lost half of their lives to this wretched disease are angry with the alcohol. Those who are aflicted by it are angry that they are, and BOTH of them are in denial of the reality of what is happening to them.
And just like vinegar and water, the two just don't mix well. Ellen, leave if you must. But leave because you no longer need us, and go with God. But if you need us, we need you. And I, for one, would ask you to stay. And for our new travelers in grief I would offer that just as all families quarrel, the strong ones grow stronger in spite of the conflict. And this IS a family. And we ought not to be so dismissive and judgemental of one another. We already hurt enough.
Sorry this took so long. It just needed to be said.....Joe....:-)
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I find myself going places in the car and not wanting to get out of the car. I come back home and I don't want to get out of the car. I think it's the only time I spend reflecting. Chronic tiredness from Long Covid plus the immunosupressing meds for my Crohn's is slowing me down but everything just seems a massive effort. I am dealing with the paperwork following my father's death but it's not...
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Wow, it's the middle of the week already!Today is our 11 year anniversary, so we're going out to a nice dinner. I'm losing a lot of sleep these days, hence a wonky schedule and uncomfortable feelings. But I know it will pass, eventually.I hope all of you have a peaceful day, and may good things come your way!
Grieving people are super sensitive and I know that because I am one of them. Our moderators are here to keep us on track. It's a very hard balancing act for all. Anger is one of the great forms that grief takes on and it's that anger that often causes additional grief to a grieving community.
The solution is beyond my limited brain. Sharon
""It seems that generally it is best to keep our community memberships seperate and not attempt to cross the boundaries. "
A number of members have recognised this and actually have seperate DS identities for different communities.
I think the incident which prompted this thread is an example of that bears out that belief.
With keeping community memberships separate, I don't agree. I know that I could be helpful on several other groups through my experience with same. And so could other members of W & W. Sorry, not a good idea, or a good suggestion.
Since my husband died from cancer, leaving me a widow, I could participate in two different support groups. One topic overlaps into another, just like cogoalno's widowhood is tied into alcoholism.
Sorry, but that's the way I understand it.
I don't see the benefit or logic either. I guess it comes down to what makes the individual subcriber comfortable.
the members here are the only ones who understand the feelings i feel,the loss i feel & quite frankly who give a darn.
HUGS
But - I do disagree about not going on other sites. My husband did not drink for the majority of his life, but when he did - it definitely contributed (along with other things) to his health problems and early death. I think people can learn from others - and how better to fully understand than to read and participate in another group.
In this situation there was obviously a problem - but I still think it can be a learning experience for many and people should not be told to stay away.