Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I need to get something off of my chest here. Most of my pain and introspections are placed in my journal, which I openly share with everyone. It is my way of getting back to letting God come first in my life, and all others after Him. I also receive the benefit of learning about ME and who I really am. The experience is awesome. On the other hand, all of the support, feedback and fellowship that exists here have given me so many friends that I feel as though I can not say to them all what I want in trying to help them process the pain and whatever else they need to deal with. I feel like I am cheating you all for the sake of myself.
And there are brand new people stumbling upon us so desparate to come to terms with the awful hand that God has helped them. One new member has found us 2 years after her loss. She's had NO HELP in 2 years. Another just lost her spouse 2 months ago. They come every day to us. I can't explain it, and I know that it's not MY job to heal everyone, but I want so much to give what help I can to those who seek it. It is consuming my waking moments.
Now we are facing more crisis with dear people in different groups snipping and sniping with one another for trivial reasons, and we have a wonderful lady wishing to leave this place in pain. That's not acceptable to me. Nor is it acceptable to have a new member question her decision to join us when she sees the friction.
I have said it before and it bears repeating. As an alcoholic myself, and one who has lost his wife to cancer fueled by HER alcoholism, I see both sides with a clarity that most people should be thankful they don't. The common demons here are anger and denial. People grieving and people struggling in the shackles of alcoholism are both experiencing these emotions intensely. Those who have lost half of their lives to this wretched disease are angry with the alcohol. Those who are aflicted by it are angry that they are, and BOTH of them are in denial of the reality of what is happening to them.
And just like vinegar and water, the two just don't mix well. Ellen, leave if you must. But leave because you no longer need us, and go with God. But if you need us, we need you. And I, for one, would ask you to stay. And for our new travelers in grief I would offer that just as all families quarrel, the strong ones grow stronger in spite of the conflict. And this IS a family. And we ought not to be so dismissive and judgemental of one another. We already hurt enough.
Sorry this took so long. It just needed to be said.....Joe....:-)
And there are brand new people stumbling upon us so desparate to come to terms with the awful hand that God has helped them. One new member has found us 2 years after her loss. She's had NO HELP in 2 years. Another just lost her spouse 2 months ago. They come every day to us. I can't explain it, and I know that it's not MY job to heal everyone, but I want so much to give what help I can to those who seek it. It is consuming my waking moments.
Now we are facing more crisis with dear people in different groups snipping and sniping with one another for trivial reasons, and we have a wonderful lady wishing to leave this place in pain. That's not acceptable to me. Nor is it acceptable to have a new member question her decision to join us when she sees the friction.
I have said it before and it bears repeating. As an alcoholic myself, and one who has lost his wife to cancer fueled by HER alcoholism, I see both sides with a clarity that most people should be thankful they don't. The common demons here are anger and denial. People grieving and people struggling in the shackles of alcoholism are both experiencing these emotions intensely. Those who have lost half of their lives to this wretched disease are angry with the alcohol. Those who are aflicted by it are angry that they are, and BOTH of them are in denial of the reality of what is happening to them.
And just like vinegar and water, the two just don't mix well. Ellen, leave if you must. But leave because you no longer need us, and go with God. But if you need us, we need you. And I, for one, would ask you to stay. And for our new travelers in grief I would offer that just as all families quarrel, the strong ones grow stronger in spite of the conflict. And this IS a family. And we ought not to be so dismissive and judgemental of one another. We already hurt enough.
Sorry this took so long. It just needed to be said.....Joe....:-)
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I find myself going places in the car and not wanting to get out of the car. I come back home and I don't want to get out of the car. I think it's the only time I spend reflecting. Chronic tiredness from Long Covid plus the immunosupressing meds for my Crohn's is slowing me down but everything just seems a massive effort. I am dealing with the paperwork following my father's death but it's not...
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Wow, it's the middle of the week already!Today is our 11 year anniversary, so we're going out to a nice dinner. I'm losing a lot of sleep these days, hence a wonky schedule and uncomfortable feelings. But I know it will pass, eventually.I hope all of you have a peaceful day, and may good things come your way!
~HUGS~
Donale
Dave
Hugs, Carla
PS ~ Ellen, please stay!!
As I've said, and Joe then amplified there are reasons why these sort of situations arise when families, friends and supporters venture into other support communities.
Indeed, there are a number of times this community has reacted to people looking for advice for dating widows as an "intrusion".
It seems that generally it is best to keep our community memberships seperate and not attempt to cross the boundaries.
But as I say, Ellen, there is no issue in W&W, so I hope you will stay. Mark
Hugs, Joely
Carol
Like any family, DS members are not always going to agree with each other. Different personalities, different viewpoints, and different levels of the healing process.
A participant should not feel like they have to walk on eggshells to vent or explain what they need help with.
If there is squabbling, so be it. In the long run, everything becomes OK again.
Blessings, Debbie
Hugs, Dianne
Although I am not a member of this particular board, I am sure it is like many others, in that, mainly we share our experience, strength and hope with others. We share what we have learned with others in hopes of helping them come to terms with what ever pains them. We also point out where someone's thinking and/or actions may be counter-productive and destruction. This is done as an attempt to move them toward healing and recovery.
As a member of the Alcoholism board and a participant in the threads in question, I can say without a doubt that the intention of the members of that board was to point out some counter productive thinking (rage and anger toward alcohol and toward all who drink, regardless of their alcoholic status) and suggest ways in which to overcome these feelings. I don't know what y'all teach here, but on the Alcoholism board, we try to share that one must get past resentments, anger and rage, as they are the stumbling blocks to our own health, happiness and recovery.