Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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ClearWx 01/01/2015

I would like to wish everyone a Happy, healthy New Year..my prayers and best wishes are with you all and I thank GOD to be able to post here......been working way too much with no time to get on this site, but you have been in my thoughts for sure....thank GOD I can work and pay bills....still mounds of paperwork/ bills/red tape, but getting things resolved slowly...58 days without Dee....I would like to say it gets easier or maybe less difficult with time, but perhaps too early.... First New Years and Christmas holiday in 27 years without her...and all of those people who said they would be around weren't....got no invite anywhere for New Year's Eve..and no calls or texts from anyone other than two texts from our daughter who was out of town and one from a Co-worker at 8pm...better earlier than never I guess....I will try to convince myself that maybe everyone thought someone else would ask me, so they didn't...I think I will attempt to start a church ministry based on making sure others in my situation aren't virtually or actually overlooked- even if it's just a call...watched Honeymooners marathon( still on in background now)....Dee never liked it but we did watch The Twilight Zone marathon together...she loved the old movies,which I enjoyed watching with her....wish I could still....thanks for reading...in my prayers...Alex

nese79 01/01/2015

Wishing you the best for the new year ahead , moving forward.

SandyV1 01/01/2015

Thank you for posting. I had a quiet NYE too. Just me and the 2dogs and the TV. It was never a big night for us anyway as my husband was usually on call and we were happiest in our own company. I certainly couldn't have coped with partying people.
I went to the wedding of a good friend on New Year's Day. I thought it might be sad as it was the first since M died but it actually brought home to me how blessed we were to have found each other and what a great 10 years we had.
I wish you an easier way through the paperwork (after 8 months I've still some way to go but am not stressing about it - it will get done when it does).
All the best for peace and comfort in 2015.
Sandy

tdm71 01/01/2015

Alex
Wishing you moments of peace and contentment as you move forward into the new year
I like your idea of a church ministry. That would be a great asset for our community also. No one likes to be alone or forgotten.
Hugs
Deb

JesusisOurSaviour 01/01/2015

Thanks Alex,
The bills still have to be paid and we have to carry on, I hear you.
Good idea for that church ministry, there are so many people in the same boat, who would appreciate even a phone call during the holidays.
Have a blessed new year and keep in touch more often, we miss you!
Sandra

praised 01/01/2015

I love your idea of a ministry where people who have lost loved ones and are alone can come together. There are those who suffer alone and need a hug or a smile to encourage them.

dschwartz 01/01/2015

Dearest Alex . .. . I totally "get" your sentiments. What a s**t show it is after our loss. Friends disappear along with acquaintances that we thought might possibly be here for us. What is happening in our society at large? What happened to the days of casseroles, invites for the Holidays, a simple phone call and reaching out? I simply don't get it. Seems all are self absorbed in more ways than one. Sad for them, sad for us in the same proverbial boat of grief. I'm once again reminded that we are pariahs, lepers at best. Head in sand for the rest, "don't let it happen to me" and "I can't deal with human reality". Safe zone of the sheeple out there. I've certainly learned a lot about compassion and grief through my own personal journey. Maybe that's what it takes? Kudos to you for finding a positive goal to help others in future!! Thanks for sharing . . needless to say . . you are NOT alone. Peaceful and hopeful New Year's blessings to you. Dayna

marjoe 01/01/2015

Thank you, Alex - and I wish you and all of us a peace-filled new year as well. I think the church ministry is a wonderful idea, btw.

And Dayna, you gave me a grim chuckle with your "sheeple" comment. It's come down to generic Facebook "wishing all of my friends a great 2015!!" kind of thing. WTF? Really? So much for calls, messages, a card, anything...sometimes I think communication has come down to a 15 word sound bite.

Forgive me, folks, I'm a tad grumpy today. Love to all (lol) - Marsha

cliffskat 01/01/2015

Hey Alex, I lost Cliff in November 2007, and my first New Year's Eve (2008) was just like that. They get better over time. Grief rewrites your address book ... it rewrote mine....

Hang in there, you will get through this. Wishing you better days ahead in 2015.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

lreyn330 01/01/2015

I lost my husband Brownie Oct. 2nd 2014. First Thanksgiving and Christmas without him in 32 years. To make it worse his birthday was 12/14th and our Anniversary is 2/10th. Retired Mother of 4 with 7 g/kids. It's so hard even with family around. I feel so lost, alone and sad. Will it ever get better. Having COPD makes it worse. I want him back so bad but I know I can't have that. Just needed to vent. I'm sorry. I'm also sorry for your loss. Prayers for you. I to was alone on New Years but did get text from kids and g/daughters. It's hard huh? Linda

statsmaster 01/01/2015

Marsha and Dayna!

You both totally drilled it. My own kids won't answer their phones but will send a text when they feel they have the time to so. They do not get it as I have tried get them to discover that time on earth could be short as it was for their stepmother. Communication is a lost art now days and everyone is so wrapped up in themselves to GAS@@t about any one else! If anything this journey through hell woke my sorry ass up to learn the true meaning of relationships and family!

Dewman's rant! Peace and hugs to all! Dewey

Sara59 01/02/2015

Yeah you have to take the initiative to reach out or you'll be alone and forgotten. At 58 days you feel like doing nothing of the sort. I remember very well. You can't get away from life though, unless you make a conscious effort to do so. This is what I found out. So try not to worry too much and allow yourself time to heal. That's the advice I got early on and it is correct.

ygoon 01/02/2015

My church family has been a great blessing to me. They still bring food sometimes, phone calls and cards still coming in, too.

statsmaster 01/02/2015

Folks, I found cards to be the most depressing aspect of the journey! I hated getting them as they picked the scab once again. I have placed them so I do not have to look at them as they bring the Dewman pain. We all have our triggers but for me the cards we nasty and drug me through the mud again! People mean well and I appreciate that but for me was very painful to open and read. My thoughts only but that is how my mind dealt with cards! Torture for me. Each card brought a new deluge of waterworks. Maybe just me but folks I'm posting my guts as how this journey is unfolding for me and it may be very different for you. It has been damn hard for me and I am sick and tired of being sick and tired! Looking for peace and happiness for 15 and a rebirth of Dewman. Life too short to live in this hell hole! Moving forward come hell or high water. Dewman wants to have joy and love in life again. Party on Garth! Peace and contentment to all my DS family! Carry on sisters and brothers as we are going to overcome this challenge and find peace and happiness in the future. Believe in the power of the positive mental attitude and it will take far in this and other journeys! Dewey

deleted_user 01/02/2015

The ones you thought would stay in your life more seem to dwindle their time as little as possible. I wish I had a cure all but I don't. I can remember doing the same to people that I know have had a loved one pass away. I thought long and hard about this and I can remember just not knowing what to say to make their life better. Grant you now that I am in those same shoes, I know now I was wrong. No matter what I should have at least made a phone call or sent them a note just to say I was thinking of them. I can tell you, I have a few people that I have met along the way in my own journey that have lost their spouse before and after I lost mine and I did make it a point to send them a note this holiday season. I also make it a point to let people know that don't forget the widow/widowers because one day you may be in their shoes. People sometimes don't understand that we as widows/widowers want to talk about our loved ones. It is all part of the healing process. I still sometimes want to shout it from the rooftops to tell people that we are still alive even though our spouse is not here with us.

hgsdms 01/02/2015

I just love how people say "if there is anything I can do....", and if you ask they say "I would really love to but....."! Oh well as someone said they too will know widowhood at some point. Dewey, the cards didn't bother me much. I just threw them away as fast as they came! Really bad of me I know, but I couldn't deal with it because I knew that so many just sent them because it was "the thing to do". I am fortunate to have two neighbors who still stop by to visit even after 9 months, so it definitely could be worse. I'm looking forward to a much better 2015. AZ hugs to all.

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