Dear Krisfish52,

I can definitely relate to your feeling of being shattered after the loss of your husband. This is exactly the term that I used after losing my husband of nearly 20 years unexpectedly just over 6 months ago. Your pain is so fresh but I can tell you that having the support of family, friends, even your doctor, and especially your faith can help you keep putting one foot in front of another. I am still trying to get myself and my children back on firm footing emotionally after my husband's passing, but I can tell you that I honestly have taken it one day at a time and am doing only those things that I feel are right for me at the time (no matter what well meaning friends say I should be doing at this time). Kris, please stay close to your God at this time and pray for peace and healing. This group is very supportive and a good outlet when you have to share with someone who has been there. God bless you and your family.

Hi Krisfish, Welcome to where none of us wants to be. This is a good safe place where we all help one another to get beyond this terrible thing called grief. No matter what you experience, someone else (more likely, almost all of us) will have gone through the same same thing, so never think you're going crazy. Read lots and lots of posts, go back in time, that helped me a great deal until I was able to write about it. Journaling is also helpful for some. Here, you will find a whole lot of loving caring hurting people that really understand - we're all in the same boat. And just as we can help you, I promise that you will help us as well. ~~ Scott

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you found this group, it's helped me more than I can say. Sometimes when you are faced with everyone carrying on as usual and happy unbroken people in your face every where you look, it's comforting to be with others who are just trying to get through this moment, the same way you are.

It will get easier, but in the mean time, just be as kind and patient with yourself as you would be with your dearest friend.

Take good care. I understand shattered. It's a very apt description.
Love and Peace, Sue

So sorry for the loss of your dear husband. It's good you found this site. The people here will provide comfort and guidance and a shoulder to cry on. They helped me very much.

It's been over 3 years since I lost my soulmate my wife. Time really doesn't heal all it just makes it a little more tolerable.

The main thing you need to do now is to take care of you. Make sure you eat, get sleep if you can. Grief can be a killer.

Post often anytime. There is always someone on here no Matt what time of day.

Take care,

Jeff

Kris,

I am so very sorry. You have come to the right place. We are all in various stages of our grief. I lost my husband 3-1/2 months ago and I still can't believe he's gone. There will be no quick fix here but the love and support you will find here is amazing.

Ruth

Thanks everyone for your thoughts, help and guidance. I appreciate each and every one of you.

Kris, I was diagnosed with ptsd, after my husband died from a freak accident Those panic attacks, are awful, I know all too well. With time they will subside some, maybe completely. Be gentle on yourself, cry, scream, and do nothing if you want. This new normal, isn't by choice, but how we choose to grieve is. I am now doing pretty well, still have bad days, but I allow myself to have those bad days, along with the good days. In the beginning, I had no good days, or even ok days. They seemed all bad to me. Now almost at 11 months, it has gotten bettter, just takes time. You will never be over him, nor will you feel the same, but hopefully as the time passes, you will be able to accept and learn to create your own new normal. We are all here for you, as those were here for me, when I first joined. Much love and gentle hugs, carla

Dear Kris, it will be 6 weeks tomorrow for me. I also lost my husband suddenly. We were married 31 years, high school sweethearts. We worked together everyday as well. Yes the world shattered. I started the panic attacks immediately, and would even pass out. I never experienced anything like it before, my family insisted I see a Dr. for help. He gave me a Rx for anxiety, I hate pills so I cut them in half! They did help calm the attacks, and help me sleep at least a couple hours at a time. I hope you have a good support system from family and friends, lean on them and let them help. I started writing nightly letters to my husband for the past 10 days. It has helped me the most! I feel close to my husband at those times and it helps to be able to get my feelings out. Some days all I do is tell him what I did that day. And pray every day for God's love and that he grants you the strength to guide you through your day. When I can't bear it I think of one good memory everyday to focus on. It is so hard some days, let yourself cry, don't hold it in it makes the panic attacks worse, and tears are part of the healing process. You are in my prayers!

I also lost my husband (41 yrs married) suddenly. no warning. "Shattered", is true.
Interestingly, you are at 5 weeks after your loss, the exact same timing as I found WW. It's 9 1/2 months for me now.
You are in the right place. Only here do I have people who really understand what I am going through. Having that is VERY necessary !
I am very sorry for the loss of your husband.
Be kind to yourself.

I am sorry for your loss, kris. I just started here yesterday and already have found a comfortable place to be. Oh the panic attacks. Mine started before my husband died (I have PTSD) and got worse after he passed. I also cut the pills in half, but I also use a mister with oils. The scents from the oils are calming. Tea before bed, but I found cats sitting on my lap can really help. Mine seems to know when I am having one and climbs in my lap.

I lost my wife, 3.5 months after her diagnosis of cancer, and we were married for 27 years, and we were living in Hong Kong alone --- a place in which we have been only for 4 years, without families and without a support network. I was left in such a dark place and there seemed to have no hope. But the light does come, gradually and slowly. It comes from yourself, inside, after endurance of hardship, agony, loneliness....it will come. Now, take care of yourself health-wise so you will see the light. Suffering is human condition. Everyone suffers. With suffering comes with courage, appreciation, and wisdom....if there is any positivity that would come out of this process. So allow yourself grieve, which is to say, to allow you to heal as well. Hugs, Tiger

I'm experiencing all of that as well... I'm still dealing with this new change. It's the little things that get me... the stuff we used to do together I'm now forced to do alone... grocery shopping is one.

We used to do that together. We had a routine. I now wander those aisles alone. She was the one who would say, "We need this, and this, and this..." and now she's not there to tell me.

The first few trips were miserable. I would have panic attacks and would need to leave quickly. I would end up buying junk like pizza rolls and cold cereal and milk and lived off that crap for a few weeks.

It's getting a bit easier now. I've decided I'm not going to go out for fast food anymore unless I'm with people. I've made a list in my mind of what I want to make myself. I have the time on my hands now to take the time to cook for myself. Left overs are usually my lunch the next day at work. I'm doing yogurt instead of a breakfast sandwich, water instead of Pepsi... those grocery trips are not as bad anymore.

Another thing are the things she did for us, like bills, managing the money and finances. That was her "job" in our marriage. I made the money and she managed it. Her resources are gone now. I had no idea what an escrow account was... probably still don't... ha!

But the people at my credit union, credit card company, utilities and even insurance companies are there to help because that's THEIR job. Use them, ask the stupid questions. I ended up saving $1300 a year by switching my home and auto insurance (I sound like the commercial, but it's true.)

It's hard, I won't lie. It's part of finding a new normal, a new routine. But we have to do it. We have to do it. We must do it... and it sucks, but we must do it.

I'm not sure if I'll ever "heal" from this... I will just live with it. I'm sure others will say the same.

I hate doing anything without him. Even if he's not with me, he was always reachable by phone to help me, to make a suggestion, to reassure me and to laugh and cry with me.

The missing him in every aspect of my life is the biggest part of the grieving process.

Roz

Yes Roz,,like me. I was so used to sharing and doing everything with him and as you said even if he wasn't there I was meeting up with him somewhere. Now at the end of the chores I face everything alone and no one to comment to regarding what I did. Some of our friends actually said it must be nice not to answer to anybody.not me

Thank you all for your comments, perspectives, insights and experiences.....they are all supportive. I only hope that I can be as supportive to each of you......Kristen