Widows & Widowers Support Group

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sane vs crazy

babochka
babochka

I am a 53 y.o. college educated professional female who lost her husband 5 months ago. We were married for only a year.


Like most of us, there are bad days, good days and okay days. I accepted this loss, and realize that life is going on, and I need to move on, etc.


I am sure that I am sane. So why then I have those occasional crazy ideas popping up in my head? For instance, in the middle of taking a shower I feel an urge to try to EAT some of my husband's ashes (which are stored in a spare bedroom closet). I think: I finish this shower, then go retrieve the ashes and put some in a tea spoon and take it as meds, with some water. Or I'll put some in my cereal with milk and have it for breakfast. This way my husband (or part of him) will be inside me forever.


Or, now I think I want to shave my head bold and tattoo his name on it. Just for myself. This way I'll know my husband (or his name) is on me forever. And I will be wearing a wig to work not to scare my clients off.


I haven't done those crazy things - not yet (bought a wig though). But I'm seriously consider doing them.


What do you think, fellow grievers - am I crazy? or is it normal? did someone of you have a similar problem?

shelda
shelda
I feel my husband is still with me. I do not think love ever dies...i sleep with his ashes on my headboard still..i used to need them next to me but am starting to cope better it is going on almost 2 years since he left me physically. He will never leave my soul though. After he died i went on a rampage...did nutty crazy things i guess i do not want to remember them..we all go "nuts". Everyone grieves differently and I do not think you are crazy just lost and sad. In time we learn how to cope better( Hugs)
Rick51
Rick51
I think consumed ash would just go down the toilet. My wife wants her ashes spread in the ocean, but I don't think she would like the less scenic route. Anyways, crazy is a break from reality, and from what you stated I don't think you qualify.
lindonn
lindonn
Hi babochka....my husband died 5 months ago too. I have had some rough days and some okay days. Today is a very blue day....feeling very sad. I keep asking myself if there is something more I could’ve done to prevent his death. Today is one of those days that I just want to go be with him.

I personally haven’t had any of those thoughts of ingesting his ashes. I have thought about a tattoo. However, my step-daughter has actually eaten some of her husband’s ashes. She told me that she would pour his ashes out on a table and go through them, sifting them through her fingers. I thought it was a bit strange, but I know how hard his death was on her and their son. So, you are not the only one with these thoughts. I’m sure it is fairly common.

Whatever you need to do to get through this grief, aside from self-harm, is okay. There is nobody that can understand your own personal grief. It’s different for all of us. What we have in common is the pain we all share. I hope you find peace...take care ....Linda
shewearsblack17
shewearsblack17
The only value I see of cremation would be that I wouldn't have this ongoing headache with the monument company. They just cannot get the thing right!!! I have trouble going to Walmart because it is relatively close to the cemetery, so I can't even fathom having an urn in my close proximity, let alone some of the things mentioned. Not to be offensive, but this is me. Each to his own.
nebby
nebby
if i wanted to eat jean, i wouldnt have cremated her
babochka
babochka
Thanks to all who answered. Yes, Rick you are right - it will go down the toilet, but symbolically it's all about commemoration I guess.
One thing bothers me though: Is eating ashes be seen as a form of cannibalism?
Rick51
Rick51
I think Nebby's suggested version would be cannibalism, but not yours.
shewearsblack17
shewearsblack17
You might make it into bone broth. It would probably qualify as organic. I have to agree with Nebby. This is the most bizarre thing I have heard of.
nebby
nebby
lightly breaded in a bechamel sauce with a 1975 cotes du rhone
nebby
nebby
our ashes are going to arlington together, but im holding things up
Rick51
Rick51
With some of your comments, some might want to speed that process.
nebby
nebby
i leave my doors unlocked
nebby
nebby
i have a codicil in my will that whoever pulls the plug gets everything
nebby
nebby
where are all the religious nuts when you need them?
nebby
nebby
jesus followers would smear his ashes on their forheads and headed off to mardi gras