Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I am a 53 y.o. college educated professional female who lost her husband 5 months ago. We were married for only a year.
Like most of us, there are bad days, good days and okay days. I accepted this loss, and realize that life is going on, and I need to move on, etc.
I am sure that I am sane. So why then I have those occasional crazy ideas popping up in my head? For instance, in the middle of taking a shower I feel an urge to try to EAT some of my husband's ashes (which are stored in a spare bedroom closet). I think: I finish this shower, then go retrieve the ashes and put some in a tea spoon and take it as meds, with some water. Or I'll put some in my cereal with milk and have it for breakfast. This way my husband (or part of him) will be inside me forever.
Or, now I think I want to shave my head bold and tattoo his name on it. Just for myself. This way I'll know my husband (or his name) is on me forever. And I will be wearing a wig to work not to scare my clients off.
I haven't done those crazy things - not yet (bought a wig though). But I'm seriously consider doing them.
What do you think, fellow grievers - am I crazy? or is it normal? did someone of you have a similar problem?
Meanwhile, last weekend I did do the two things - head shave and a tattoo, now they are off the list. No regrets whatsoever. I did it for myself and nobody else. I know that my husband would condemn the former and praise me for the latter, and that I'd hear lots of jokes on the subject from him. It's a consolation to think this way. It makes missing him easier.