I understand what you are going through. I lost my husband about 3 years ago. I to ended up in the hospital and take meds for anxiety .I have learned that you just have to take one day at a time and to just deal with today. It is a slow process and your kids will help

One day at a time, focus on your children and grandkids when you can, listen to those who love you, and mostly listen to God... make new friends, you've taken a step by posting here (kudos to you, it takes guts!!!!) and consider grief counseling to learn to rely on yourself. I'm 21 months into this horrible journey no one should ever be forced to endure and I'm doing alright. Everything is messed up and nothing is the same but I'm finding happiness in many things. You will get there, too, just one step at a time ❤

Dear lostmyheart ,
This grief really can only be managed, Not "one day at a time", but One Hour at a time.
We tend to place the bar of expectations higher than what we can actually handle. You said Stress put you in the hospital, and "I have my two adult kids and their families who live near me and want to include me but I can't rely on them always. I need suggestions on what do I do now! "
It sounds like your family IS supportive now. and "now" is the only amount we are able to deal anyway. Not tomorrow. SO use their support now, don't worry about how you will handle things After kids, or meds are not-so-available . If being around your kids and their families helps you, allow yourself to be in their presence. You can choose the amounts of time, each time.
Basically what I am saying is Use the tools which you have right now, each hour and each day. Do not let them go to waste because you are putting future Expectations upon yourself, Now.
Use whatever is available. That is what they are for.
We have to take baby steps, even though we feel as if we are climbing Mnt Everest all in one day, just to make these baby steps.
Take care of you.
Permit No shame for ANYthing you do to cope. YOU are the one who is trying to survive. It is your grief (no one elses' ), and you are identifying each day/hour, which Tools are within your reach.
I am learning that my coping tools do not remain the same. They change.
This applies to people, whose own life circumstances undergo changes too.
Also keep in mind that it is possible that those who offer their presence may be receiving some kind of comfort from being with you, When they are offering it.
big HUGS to you,
Barb.

This all is such a major adjustment that it can and will overwhelm any of us if we let it. I was once a fortress. Now, I look at the rubble. I lived life for 30 years in a happy bubble. She was the outgoing one. Me, I only needed her and Jesus, my only true friends. All others were just acquaintances. But in that I've had to come out of my shell and begin living my life. I've been all over the map on this journey, trying this, that and the other thing, finding what worked for me, discarding what didn't, surviving and learning how to live my life. And it is my life now. I have the good, and do my best to shed the bad and the ugly. But I choose to live life for the moments now, realizing that it is the moments where our memories are born. And I do my best to worry about nothing. If a problem arises, I just ask myself what is the worst that can happen. And then I immediately think, Oh, that's right, it already did. She's dead. Everything else life can throw at me pales in comparison. And this allows me to focus on living a life of no regrets, crammed full of laughs, fun, adventures and love. Don't know what lies ahead, and the old plan-it-to-the-nth-degree Scott no longer visits me. I just take it as it comes, and always find something humorous, usually because I am really good at providing myself and others with a boat-load of goof ball material to just laugh at myself and my boo-boos. The good news is that I'm still here, and I'm still kickin' nearly 2 years after she had to leave. Life is good today. And that is all any of us really have. I learned that one the hard way as well. I'm still a mess, but a fully functioning mess. I strongly suspect now that I was always a mess beautifully and skillfully contained by a wonderful loving wife. You see, I've progressed remarkably well from a contained mess to a fully functioning mess. Now that's what I call progress :) Scottie

I am sorry for your loss, and I understand the quandry. Cliff and I were 'mates' in every sense of the word. How do you start building a new version of your life?? In small steps at first. Here are some ideas that might help:

- You might want to try keeping a journal to record how you're feeling. I found it helpful to do that during the first couple of years. I kept one on paper and a limited one here at DS electronically. I found it useful sometimes just to be able to get it out of my system.

- I had grief counseling. I would have joined a grief group, but there wasn't one I could get to - it's how I wound up on DS! Your local hospice can direct you, and often the funeral homes can as well. Failing that, your doctor's office or pastor may have the information on what's available near you. Understand that either counseling or a grief group do not have to be a forever kind of thing. It's like the meds, you attend it as long as you need it and are benefitting from it. Counseling was a huge help for me, and my sons also had counseling. I got my counseling and my older son's counseling free through a program at work (Employee Assistance Program). If you are still receiving any kind of benefits/insurance, check and see if counseling would be included. My younger son was still in school when Cliff died, and he received his counseling for free from the school psychologist and his guidance counselor. I mention this for others here who may need something for their kids.

- Try to eat at least one balanced meal a day, and drink extra water. Most of us don't do a good job of taking care of ourselves physically early on, and the physical drain of grieving is HUGE. Someone here once described it as being like digging ditches 12 hours a day - it wipes you out completely. If you aren't already, add a multivitamin with minerals to your daily routine. I got adult gummy ones at Target. It sounds stupid, but the weaker we get physically, the harder it is to cope emotionally. Dehydration from crying also contributes to fuzzy thinking and bad sleep, as does the stress of it all.

It's so early on for you that I would hesitate to offer any more ideas. One thing I will tell you is that you can get through this. It won't seem like it for awhile, but you will. Don't give up.

I also wanted to welcome you here. No one ever wants to be part of this group, but most of us are glad we found it. I hope it helps you as much as it helped me. Welcome.

Love and Hugs,
Martha, co-Community Leader

Hobbies, walking now that the weather is improving, working outside in your garden???
Check your local YMCA, YWCA, community college, find something that interests YOU.
The local hospital or church may sponsor a support group.It's beneficial to talk with others who have experienced the same loss.

Give yourself time.
It's baby steps..
Do what you can, give yourself credit for getting out of bed, getting dressed, it's an effort now.

The ups & downs do level out after awhile.
It's been 4 years for me.
Give yourself the time YOU need, it's YOUR timetable, no one else's.

Life is a changing journey now intertwined with grief.
Challenges beset us
The new day dawns with endless possibilities
Keep the faith
jdp

Dear lostmyheart, I am so very sorry for the loss of your dear husband, especially after a 43 year marriage. My heart goes out to you, it's good you have family close by, but you are just beginning your journey of grief. You have come here to us, and you will receive comfort, kindness, understanding. My husband, John, died almost 2 years ago now, so I still come here to help, comfort and guide the new widows and widowers who have just gone through the gut wrenching loss of their loved ones. You will survive, my dear, it will just take time, moments, days, months, a few years, but you will slowly begin to rebuild your life, which is the most important thing to do in your life now. Just think always of the good memories, love and devotion you and your husband had with each other. The greatest gift in life is love. Each phase of our lives is different, time goes by quickly and as a woman you will gain emotional, spiritual and physical strength as time goes by. Hope and love. The past is gone, today is a gift of the present, and the future has hopes. Hugs, sunflowers, Nanette