Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
This morning I attended a widow/widower grief support group run by the local hospice. I've been going for about 5 weeks and it's a once a week meeting.
Today, right off the bat, one of the male members was discussing an anger issue he was having and used the term "pissed off." The other male member of our group never let the first one finish before he piped in with something along the lines of "I wish you'd be more sensitive to others when using foul language." The first man, who had been speaking, got up and left the room. One of the counselors went after him and told us, upon her return to the group, that he was just too emotional to return.
Oh, boy! Brought back shades of what was going on in here about 4 months ago. Some of you were not here then, but those of you who were remember how horrible things got. This is the feeling I got at today's hospice meeting. I thought I was going to be sick to my stomach right there on the floor of the room, but I couldn't move - like I was glued to the chair, tears streaming down my face. I sat there the whole hour and a half and cried silent tears.
I did have a pretty bad night last night. When I made the bed yesterday, I happened to look down at the carpet. There are three white spots on it, where I had to bleach Darrell's blood from it. (He cut himself as he collapsed to the floor in the early morning hours of January 30.) Cried myself to sleep playing all those negative tapes of the days leading up to and the day of his death. This probably didn't help my reaction to the event that occurred at the hospice meeting, since I was already on a downward spiral anyway.
Then, when I dashed to my car after the meeting, it occurred to me that I had nowhere to go to just bawl my head off, since the contractor would be at my house this afternoon. (I'm having my kitchen remodeled and it's taking forever...) So, I went to the local golf course and ate lunch alone. When I finally did get home, there was no one here, so now I'm just sitting here crying my eyes and heart out to the only people to whom I know I can turn when I feel so horrible.
Thank you - my new family - for being here and listening. God, I wish at least one of you were here to put your arms around me and tell me everything's going to be okay. Friends and neighbors just don't understand...
Hugs,
Terry
Today, right off the bat, one of the male members was discussing an anger issue he was having and used the term "pissed off." The other male member of our group never let the first one finish before he piped in with something along the lines of "I wish you'd be more sensitive to others when using foul language." The first man, who had been speaking, got up and left the room. One of the counselors went after him and told us, upon her return to the group, that he was just too emotional to return.
Oh, boy! Brought back shades of what was going on in here about 4 months ago. Some of you were not here then, but those of you who were remember how horrible things got. This is the feeling I got at today's hospice meeting. I thought I was going to be sick to my stomach right there on the floor of the room, but I couldn't move - like I was glued to the chair, tears streaming down my face. I sat there the whole hour and a half and cried silent tears.
I did have a pretty bad night last night. When I made the bed yesterday, I happened to look down at the carpet. There are three white spots on it, where I had to bleach Darrell's blood from it. (He cut himself as he collapsed to the floor in the early morning hours of January 30.) Cried myself to sleep playing all those negative tapes of the days leading up to and the day of his death. This probably didn't help my reaction to the event that occurred at the hospice meeting, since I was already on a downward spiral anyway.
Then, when I dashed to my car after the meeting, it occurred to me that I had nowhere to go to just bawl my head off, since the contractor would be at my house this afternoon. (I'm having my kitchen remodeled and it's taking forever...) So, I went to the local golf course and ate lunch alone. When I finally did get home, there was no one here, so now I'm just sitting here crying my eyes and heart out to the only people to whom I know I can turn when I feel so horrible.
Thank you - my new family - for being here and listening. God, I wish at least one of you were here to put your arms around me and tell me everything's going to be okay. Friends and neighbors just don't understand...
Hugs,
Terry
I believe they are more compounded when you are trying to face grief over the loss of a loved one.
But grieving or not when someone disrupts a grief session (and sometimes understanding how each treats grief: anger is one) the counselor in charge should have had better insight on how to deal with all of it...the anger disspate it down somewhat to make him feel his grief and get it out better etc etc
Course thats in a perfect world
HA HA how many times in your grief have you run into a perfect world....Take care
Forget that scene, think positive thoughts only. Everything WILL be okay, just keep the faith. Not always easy, I know. After many days of doing well, I've been down in spirits, vivid sad dreams, other silly stuff. (I've had a mess with this new pc, "enabled" new programs which erased all my pics and DS info) Stay strong, you'll be fine...breathe, meditate, pray...
Sending hugs,
Nancy
p.s. All my DS friends/info have disappeared, too. Frustrating.
Don't stop going to the group you will get good out of it.
I love reading your resposnes. They are so full of compassion and love. You have elevated my spirits so many times and I only wish I could do the same.
You are not alone, we are with you. We love and care so much about you. You're right, friends and neigbhors can't understand, but we can. Spill it all, all you need and we'll be right here to pick you up and hug you!
If the west coast wasn't so "unattainable" for me I would be there in a second, with open arms to hug you, and huge shoulders to help you carry this weight.
I don't have a signle friend in this town...each day I put on the "brave look" and go out and face the world. I know, I understand. I may not have lived through your experience but ulitimately alone is alone...
Hugs to you my friend.
Diane
There is also no support groups close to me so DS has truly been my lifesaver....no one else understands. Wish I lived nearby so I could drop in and be with you in your time of need........second best...take my virtual hand and we will all walk this journey together.....many (((HUGS)))
I hate to hear that another member reacted that way to a member who was expressing his anger. He may not return and that is the tragedy. I'm also sorry to hear that it caused you distress in your grief.
Nessie from KY
So......the 2nd man "broke" the rules of the group by criticizing the 1st man. My opinion.
Hope it all resolves itself for everyone's benefit
Wanda