Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
it has been 12 weeks today since I lost my soul-mate. I really do not know how I have made it this far...my BFF told me that I am functioning...and I thought about it - she is rite, I get up for work everyday, I feed the dog everyday...and I write lists...many, many lists...I have an inside list, an outside list, and a daily list...During the week, I go to work, I come home at lunch let the dog out, we share a tuna fish sandwich, I go back to work, when I come home, i turn on the TV, sit on the couch with my god for about 1/2 hour, my BFF texts me that she is ready and we walk the dogs for about an hour, its really for therapy, then I go home make something for dinner, feed the dog clean up my mess and go to bed. my daily list actually says things like walk dog & make dinner, if I stray from the list I get lost...these are basic things that anyone should just do in their daily life, it seems like the grief has almost made me mentally challenged, I just do not know what to do when I get home...on the weekends I pick things on the outside list, cut grass, move the wood pile, trim hedges; last weekend, I actually got out the ladder and climbed to the top to trim the hedges (very dangerous considering that I have a birth defect in my arm, and no one was even around to hold the ladder)...my inside list consists of vacuuming, dusting, polish the floors. To be honest I rarely make it thru the entire list, but at the end of the week I cross off what I got done and add more to it...I guess this is how I stay busy...These are all the things he did for me...I am trying so hard to maintain things the way he did, and I often wonder how he could have done it all with his back (he had a 3-level fusion about 8 yrs ago) My appreciation and love still continues to grow more and more for him each day...on the surface I appear to be functioning normally, but I know that if anything different comes up, or disrupts me from my list I get lost VERY easy and find myself wandering aimlessly not knowing what to do - therefore I know I am not living...but I'd like to hope functioning is at least a start...or perhaps I am really just surpressing my thoughts and feelings that will someday lead me to a breaking point....I guess time will tell.....
I am now at 7.5 months, I've joined a grief support group where I made friends with 3 amazing widows going through the same thing, I've joined a meetup group and for the first time since the loss of my husband I am finally starting to live again.
I actually started running again last night for the first time, and if you read my story you'll understand what I'm saying about running.
So please, be patient with yourself, we will never get over losing our loved one but b/c we are still here we need to choose to live and to enjoy what's left of our life. I'm sure your loving partner would want that for you and based on what you've written you are going to be fine. Sending you a warm hug and a hope for a good day for you.
I look at my routine as my saving grace. Without it I don't know what my life would be like. I still have to force myself to deviate from my routine like going to the grocery store. I despise shopping because I hate spending money and I have a bad back. So I try to manage to do that at least one day a week.
It sounds like you're doing what you need to do to survive right now and that is okay. I think functioning is a good thing at the point you are now. I try to not let other's opinions effect me much. I do what I do and that is my way of dealing with this life altering event.
I think it sounds like you're doing a great job for right now.
Nessie from KY
Dina was only 33, we were together almost 16 years and married almost 6 and I lost her, yet I'm living a normal, every day life and it feels strange. I get my daughter up, we have breakfast, I drop her off, go to work, go home, have dinner and then I put her to bed. Once she's in bed I get things done around the house or watch some TV. It is a routine of sorts but I don't feel that I need it. If I stray or something comes up out of the routine, I'm okay. And this makes me feel guilty. On the weekends we do normal stuff...go to the park, visit family and friends and all the other fun stuff that comes with summer. And I've made time to do some nights out with family and friends without my daughter. I haven't really had any moments where I just wanted to curl up in stay in bed or just generally not do anything and I guess I'm wondering why.
I"m not saying this is easy and I have moments almost daily but overall I expected this to be dibilitating and it hasn't been. I have been to grief counseling (individual and group) and my support systems is large and amazing so I know that is a huge help but parrt of me wonders if it was the road that got us to this point that is making it easier. Dina was in the hospital for the 4 months leading up to her death. While she had improved greatly from the initial health issue and a full recovery was expected, she had been very sick. She went into the hospital on December 9th and was never home again. The cause of death was a bit out of noewhere given how well she had been doing but the fact that something like this happened was not a complete surprise. I wonder if this 'tranisition' period helped get me ready for this. She was not home with us for 4 months so this 'new life', unfortunately, isn't very new.
Sorry for rambling but I guess I'm just wondering why I'm doing as well as I am. And I'm wondering if things will come crashing down one of these days.
I'm back ~
Life is good once again ~
Yours will be too, in time ~
[[[[HUGS]]]]
But then there are days i wish i could stay in bed and forget everything. My dog helps by giving me a reason to get up andkeep that routine on my days off.
I guess we are all just normal.
HUGS