Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
it has been 12 weeks today since I lost my soul-mate. I really do not know how I have made it this far...my BFF told me that I am functioning...and I thought about it - she is rite, I get up for work everyday, I feed the dog everyday...and I write lists...many, many lists...I have an inside list, an outside list, and a daily list...During the week, I go to work, I come home at lunch let the dog out, we share a tuna fish sandwich, I go back to work, when I come home, i turn on the TV, sit on the couch with my god for about 1/2 hour, my BFF texts me that she is ready and we walk the dogs for about an hour, its really for therapy, then I go home make something for dinner, feed the dog clean up my mess and go to bed. my daily list actually says things like walk dog & make dinner, if I stray from the list I get lost...these are basic things that anyone should just do in their daily life, it seems like the grief has almost made me mentally challenged, I just do not know what to do when I get home...on the weekends I pick things on the outside list, cut grass, move the wood pile, trim hedges; last weekend, I actually got out the ladder and climbed to the top to trim the hedges (very dangerous considering that I have a birth defect in my arm, and no one was even around to hold the ladder)...my inside list consists of vacuuming, dusting, polish the floors. To be honest I rarely make it thru the entire list, but at the end of the week I cross off what I got done and add more to it...I guess this is how I stay busy...These are all the things he did for me...I am trying so hard to maintain things the way he did, and I often wonder how he could have done it all with his back (he had a 3-level fusion about 8 yrs ago) My appreciation and love still continues to grow more and more for him each day...on the surface I appear to be functioning normally, but I know that if anything different comes up, or disrupts me from my list I get lost VERY easy and find myself wandering aimlessly not knowing what to do - therefore I know I am not living...but I'd like to hope functioning is at least a start...or perhaps I am really just surpressing my thoughts and feelings that will someday lead me to a breaking point....I guess time will tell.....
Sammantha71
Lists and having animals is a good thing. I am sorry for your loss of your husband. Today, I reached the 60 days since my husband passed away. I have been doing some things I used to leave to let my husband do like taking care of the car, and yardwork. I felt a sense of accomplishment when I did those two things. I also have five Siberian huskies and 1 old Shepherd not to mention four cats. If it was not for my animals I would be in bed crying everyday. I look at it this way if I am left here then I have not come to the end of my path. I think my husband is looking down on me and wishing he was still here so I need to make the best of the time I have left. Eventually, my animals will pass and I am ready for that but they are a comfort while I am healing from my husbands sudden passing.
nowjustme
I don't think it has hit you yet. I'm at almost 2 yrs and some days it's still not real to me. It's a protective thing I think.
aratliff
it is likely that you are rite-I probably still am in a form of shock. I don't think it has fully hit me yet...I have spent most of my life with this man, we were team mates in life-it took both of us to function as one...I keep lists to keep me going...I manage to go to work every day, and if anyone were to drive by my home it would appear from the road to be maintained as he would have kept it, the grass is cut, weeds are trimmed, hedges and shrubs are manicured, these are things from one of my lists that he would have done...I give the illusion as though I am functioning fine...but fact is that I am really not well inside... I didn't know I could ever be "not well" within the walls of my own mind... Its a kind of "not well" that I have never expierenced....everyone has told me to stay busy, so that is what I have been doing...I am not sure what will happen if I stop....
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