I'm so sorry for your loss. But you need to know that you are by no means weak !!!! At 12 weeks I could barely function at all. I got up everyday went to work and came home. Fed my dog, showered and laid in bed and watched brainless tv. That's it. Some nights I ate something (cereal, waffles, soup) other nights didn't even think about eating. And I read grief books, that is all. Didn't think about a list, didn't care about anything at all. So for you to be making lists and following them is amazing.
I am now at 7.5 months, I've joined a grief support group where I made friends with 3 amazing widows going through the same thing, I've joined a meetup group and for the first time since the loss of my husband I am finally starting to live again.
I actually started running again last night for the first time, and if you read my story you'll understand what I'm saying about running.
So please, be patient with yourself, we will never get over losing our loved one but b/c we are still here we need to choose to live and to enjoy what's left of our life. I'm sure your loving partner would want that for you and based on what you've written you are going to be fine. Sending you a warm hug and a hope for a good day for you.

I'm sorry for your loss. I am 2.5 years and I have a solid routine much like you do. My routine was very important to me the first year. It helped me to stay afloat and not stay in bed all day.

I look at my routine as my saving grace. Without it I don't know what my life would be like. I still have to force myself to deviate from my routine like going to the grocery store. I despise shopping because I hate spending money and I have a bad back. So I try to manage to do that at least one day a week.

It sounds like you're doing what you need to do to survive right now and that is okay. I think functioning is a good thing at the point you are now. I try to not let other's opinions effect me much. I do what I do and that is my way of dealing with this life altering event.

I think it sounds like you're doing a great job for right now.

Nessie from KY

I kind of have the opposite thing going on. I'm just over two months removed from losing my wife yet life has seemed easier than I think it should be. I know the main reason is our 3 year old daughter. She keeps me going every day and I know she needs me now more than ever...but still, shouldn't it be harder?

Dina was only 33, we were together almost 16 years and married almost 6 and I lost her, yet I'm living a normal, every day life and it feels strange. I get my daughter up, we have breakfast, I drop her off, go to work, go home, have dinner and then I put her to bed. Once she's in bed I get things done around the house or watch some TV. It is a routine of sorts but I don't feel that I need it. If I stray or something comes up out of the routine, I'm okay. And this makes me feel guilty. On the weekends we do normal stuff...go to the park, visit family and friends and all the other fun stuff that comes with summer. And I've made time to do some nights out with family and friends without my daughter. I haven't really had any moments where I just wanted to curl up in stay in bed or just generally not do anything and I guess I'm wondering why.

I"m not saying this is easy and I have moments almost daily but overall I expected this to be dibilitating and it hasn't been. I have been to grief counseling (individual and group) and my support systems is large and amazing so I know that is a huge help but parrt of me wonders if it was the road that got us to this point that is making it easier. Dina was in the hospital for the 4 months leading up to her death. While she had improved greatly from the initial health issue and a full recovery was expected, she had been very sick. She went into the hospital on December 9th and was never home again. The cause of death was a bit out of noewhere given how well she had been doing but the fact that something like this happened was not a complete surprise. I wonder if this 'tranisition' period helped get me ready for this. She was not home with us for 4 months so this 'new life', unfortunately, isn't very new.

Sorry for rambling but I guess I'm just wondering why I'm doing as well as I am. And I'm wondering if things will come crashing down one of these days.

Been there ~
I'm back ~
Life is good once again ~
Yours will be too, in time ~
[[[[HUGS]]]]

I too function by a list that I have been following for little over two months now. I was lost, knowing what needed to be done, but not knowing where to start or how to continue, so I made a routine with the idea of making daily goals. Some days I have one goal I need to do, other days there are two goals to do. Today I have only done one goal, with the other I am doing shortly. Again, all to do with housework, grocery shopping and so on. I also do other things when I feel up to it, which is rarely a feeling I have.

After reading your posting I went for a long walk with my dog. I don't take him for walks much, not for bigger walks. He is exhausted now, but it was nice to go for that walk. So your writing inspired me to do something extra today. It is so nice that you and your friend can walk together with your dogs, that is something very special and important.

I know what you mean about the "eating what ever thing". I have lost about 25lbs since Norm's been gone...and I still can't move any of his things-12 weeks and the clothes he wore to his last Dr appt are still laying out...I'm just not ready for that kind of stuff, I am learning how to do the basics that come natural to everyone else... but the lists have helped.

I am very sorry for your loss as I lost my wife 14 weeks ago today and if your functioning your doing as well as can be expected.. In the early going I consider functioning a success, so don't be so hard on yourself. This is the time to take care of yourself and just get by day by day.

Lists help me to get something accomplished. As long as I can keep moving, and do something positive, I feel a little better. Even if it is something trivial, I put it on the list anyway. If I get a couple things completed in a day (at least started), well then yea!

I can be productive at work because I have to. I need the money. At home though, my energy is just not there. I do the very bare basics and let a lot of stuff slide. I did see a grief counselor today and will be going back. I guess baby steps are better than none.

I also am functioning. I get the main stuff done but not the big stuff. Sometimes i think i am doing too good. I have gone out with friends taken a few short trips.
But then there are days i wish i could stay in bed and forget everything. My dog helps by giving me a reason to get up andkeep that routine on my days off.

I guess we are all just normal.

I am at 13 months not really lost and no list. I know what needs to be done but just don't want to do it until I feel it's time to do it. My husband always said everything will be alright, so far it's been true. Whatever he did prior to his death had been for my benefit, I didn't think it's fair that he is not here to enjoy the fruit of his labor with me. He had prep me on how to fix the pond pump, drive a tractor, operate lawn tractor and care for plants, so I face each day as if life is still with him. Life without our partner is overwhelming but I know he will be very proud that I can function as well as can be.

it's hard. i basically just function as well. i do get done what needs to, i take good care of my dogs. i am learning to take care of myself,i often think of what she would see in my new world - i think she'd be proud, then giggle, knowing i have along way to go while giving me the strength i need to live ...

I think your post is very normal...and very typical of this time....

HUGS

I say, you are still in shock. I am at 4 1/2 months, he was in hosp. 5 weeks, but was bedridden for 2 years. At 1st I got things taken care of easy, then at 4 months, reality hit. I started coming out of shock. I can take care of things easier now, but you can really feel reality when it hits. So Sorry for your loss.