Mclizm - so proud of you no tears - that is awesome.

I lost my wife on 09-17-2014 unexpectedly, I have found that I now sleep with a pillow to hold, as I used to hold her at night. I have found no replacement for the welcome home hug and kiss, haven't found a work around for that one yet, still miss them - sometimes don't even want to go home because I know they are not there.

I want someone to hold my hand; kiss me hello and goodbye; pick up the dog pooh; hear me when I whine; fix the remote control; call the cable guy; take out the trash; water the plants; do the food shopping; get my car serviced; put gas in my car; LOVE ME....KNOW WHAT I'VE SAID, RAHTER THAN WHAT I'VE MEANT; NEVER give me meaningless, physical contact!!!!.......Oh! Never mind!!!

Sounds too much like a full-time job, it may even require healthcare, pension and sick time!

Sorry "mclizm" there I go again trying to hijack someone else's issues. Forgive me.

Roz

P.S.: Are there any rules on DS against taking applications?

Roz

"that welcome home hug and kiss, the warm body in the bed. Holding hands"

Liz - I couldn't agree with you more. Coming home to an empty house - yuk. I usually leave a light on if it is evening. Someone said to say "hello house, I'm back" but it doesn't really work.

I also hug Al's pillow every night. I haven't washed it because I don't want to wash away his scent.

When he was so sick we would lay in bed and talk, hold hands, and I would tell him I loved him. He would respond "I love you more."

I realized that no one will love me the way my husband did or the way my parents did- unconditional love. That is a hard pill to swallow.

Prayer helps.

For the last 20 years, I had my own room, slept alone. My husband was never a hugger, kisser, hand holder. When I walked in the door at 7 am, from all night work, he would hand me a list of things he wanted me to do that day. (not sleeping) And demanding what me to do for him. So I can't associate with what you are saying. Sorry....

Oh! Yeh! Those too! I love holding hands!

Hi Liz;
I too was really missing that...and I have two kids who are very cuddly. What I did was start to schedule regular therapeutic massages. It was expensive ($60-70) but it really helped ease the tension, loosen some sore muscles, and I always slept better after.
Check in your area for massage therapists; explain your history and I'm sure they'll be able to give you a good, all-over, gentle massage that will help some. Don't be surprised if you start to cry during the massage - I've done that a few times now, but Jalene, my therapist, was wonderful - just handed me a few tissues. She sees it all the time, she says - just the release of tension.
Oh, and ROZ - you made me LOL!!

A real catch-22. While my arms ache to embrace the opposite sex, I realize at only 4 months out I'm way too damaged to even think about any kind of move in that direction. The thought of a FWB is repulsive and downright wrong (at least for me). Sorry guys, I got nothin'.

I completely get what you are saying. There are days where I starve for that same affection. The snuggling or laying on his chest. I am lucky in that I have two dogs that sleep with me. It doesn't always help, but sometimes it does.

Hang in there. So sorry.

Im at 22 months and barely dating but I have joined a number of Meet-up groups. Last Saturday I danced a slow dance with one of the ladies I like and it felt so good. Totally had forgotton how good it felt to hold a women. And I think the fact I like her added to it. Took me a year to dance with some and almist another year to slow dance but I will not forget that feeling anytime soon. Now I want more though it still seems hard to open your heart to another.
Russ

I am right there with you. My husband passed away almost 3 months ago. I miss being able to hold his hand. I miss that little kiss before he left for work. I'm finding I'm more sad now than I was in the days right after he passed away.

Cathy

My wife passed away in March 2013. Everyday I think about her, and the physical touch I have missed since the moment she left this world. The last physical touch I had with my wife was the kiss on her lips I gave to her at the funeral.

Holding her hand, how I miss that so much. When my wife needed some extra help to sleep she would call me to rub her back, which I did, even when I was tired. I often found myself falling asleep whilst rubbing her back. All those moments I miss, but I have the memories, and when I remember them it takes me back to those moments, and now, at this time, instead of those memories hurting because I just want them back, they bring me comfort. My most favorite memories for physical touch, are holding my wife's hand, rubbing her back, giving massages, and kissing. Memories, but they bring me comfort. Memories is all I have left.

The lack of even a simple touch, for extended periods of time will do strange things to a person.
I was at a small gathering talking in a group when a friends wife indicated to her husband she was tired and was ready to go home. As she said that she laid her head over on my shoulder for just and instant. It was purely casual on her part, but oh my gosh. It was so simple at the time, but I found I could not get that simple feeling out of my head. That simple jesture, such a reminder of what I havent felt for so long. It felt so good, I liked it, I miss it so, I want it back.

You all could have been writing what I have been feeling and thinking since my wife's passing.

I will add however one more thing. My wife was a heavy snorer. After 40 years of sleeping next to her I got quite used to it and it never bothered me. As a matter of fact she had mild sleep apnea and as soon as the snoring stopped I would wake up. After she passed I couldn't sleep at all. I would go for days without sleeping more than an hour or so. I have eventually acclimated to the silence but there are some nights I sit up in bed and wait for the snore.......