Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
My husband died on the last day of our honeymoon in Maui, Hawaii on Thanksgiving Day November 26, 2009. We were married for only 12 days. He drowned in the ocean while he was snorkeling. It was just two days after we celebrated my 40th birthday. Now, next Tuesday will be my husband's 40th birthday and I'm having a tough time even though it has been almost 32 months since he died. The anticipation of his milestone birthday is creating some added anxiety and sadness. I miss him everyday...
Many hugs to you,
Sallie
Glad you found DS and are around people that truly understand what it is like to lose their spouse.....come often as there is always someone hear to listen.........sending many hugs
Perhaps you might celebrate your husband's 40th birthday as you would have if he still were here physically. I'm thinking he might enjoy that. You might ask him about it and then wait to feel what he says. (I know that sounds a bit spooky or crazy to some people, but if I'm over the edge, I'm at least at peace knowing that my honey is still with me, if not in body at least in spirit.)
Whatever you decide to do, may you find solace.
Hugs,
Terry
i keep freaking out over those milestones. i keep thinking i have to do something and can't seem to ever figure out what that is except to immerse myself in photos and endless writing about him and sometimes to him.
my heart goes out to you.
Warm hugs, Gwen
The anticipation is typically worse if not channeled. Try to think and plan what you do on that day.
How about making something, redirecting your sadness into creative planning, working on a new tradition of commemorating his life? Making his favorite meal, inviting some friends who knew him, and talk about him.
My personal favorite way is planting something, usually a tree on a special date. Seeing those trees, taking care of thm is therapeutic for me.
Warm hug.
What comfortably numb said. the Adive she gave is what I have done. I planted plants, on his day and especially for his one year i had a celebration of life party. the day before was agiony for me, but the day of/ All his friends and family talking about him was wonderful and helaing. On our anniversay I think of him play our songs and make his favorite meal, the first time i even set a place for him! On holidays when we are all together, the centerpiece of the table is his memory candle and I feel he is there and a part of it all. all that has helped me cope.
I hope some of these suggestions help you as well. and again I am so very sorry for your loss on what was to be the beginning of you life together. My heart feels it for you
Diane
I'm happy for the time we had together. I hope that can hold me together on the 22nd.
Remember and focus on the good times on his birthday.
*hugs*
While everyone else is going about their everyday life with their husbands/wives and their children, I struggle through life by myself. The holidays are the toughest, especially the entire month of November. We got married on November 14, my birthday is on November 24, my husband died on November 26 and then there is Thanksgiving Day itself and whatever day it falls on the calendar that year. I just feel more alone during those times when everyone is busy making plans with their families. Sure, I have my parents, my siblings and my in-laws whom I still have a relationship with, but it is not the same.
This was the first time getting married for both my husband and I. We were looking forward to our life together as husband and wife and starting a family of our own. When my husband died, I felt like I died that day too. All of our plans for the future were just ripped away in an instant. Im still grieving for him, but I am also grieving for the loss of our future together and the children that we wanted to have together.
I am taking the day off on my husbands 40th birthday. Thank you all for your wonderful suggestions. Besides going to the cemetery to bring him flowers, Im starting to plan out the day to make sure I do things that will make my husband smile from heaven. I am so glad that I stumbled upon this site. I know I will get a lot of support from everyone here. Thanks again!
xoxo
Alice
Everyone here has given you very good ideas. I agree the length of time really has nothing to do with how we feel. I also lost my husband in November, buried him the day before Thanksgiving of 2010, I know what you mean about the holidays...they will always be something I will struggle to get through. I once worked with a young couple and the husband died on their honeymoon while camping of a cerebral hemorrhage, I remember wondering how that girl could make it to work everyday. I am so very sorry for your loss.