I'm basically where Ken is, I somehow got through last year don't remember it couldn't be December 26 soon enough.

The tree is up, but did not do the all out decorating that I usually do. I have always loved Christmas. About 5 years ago our great room was under "construction" as Bill was putting in hard wood floors. He finished up a few days before Christmas and said come on, you need a Christmas tree. So we went out and picked one up. I could just hear Bill saying to me...."you need a Christmas tree" so I put it up and felt good about it.

It has been a hard few weeks, I am trying to stay positive. Spending lots of time with my girls helps too!

wendy
add me to the list of those in need of direction this season!! i managed to hang garland outside and that was as far as i could go. i am trying, but this is so hard!!
wishing you and everyone strength
hugs
judi

Not bothering with much this year. It's almost 11 months and last Christmas was hospice ant the nightmare. Decided to spend Christmas Eve at the casino in AC with my son, my daughter will stop by. Christmas Day I'll visit my sister. Our tradition is no more, the kids are gown and will start a new tradition when we're up to it. No grandkids so I am not bothering with the decorating. Just too sad and melancholy. Donna

I have just gone indifferent to Christmas. I'm not feeling sad or anything - I just see no reason for me to decorate or put up a tree when Brian is not here and there are no kids. Who for - me and the dogs?? I would take Christmas as just another long weekend apart from the fact that my parents, brother and my niece and her new baby are here and they all seem to expect to come to my place for some reason. I don't think they "get it" that I always used to put up decorations and put on a huge meal etc because of Brian - not them!

Wouldn't it be nice if we were all closer together and could share this difficult time with each other?

Cliff died a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving in 2007, so I've already been through 3 holiday seasons without him. Everybody is different, so what works for one may not work for another, and you should follow your own heart, but these are my observations from what we went through.

The first year, mostly I concentrated on my sons - my kids were my first priority. We leaned on each other heavily, cried a lot together, and did what we discussed and agreed that we wanted to do. My boys were as heartbroken as I was. My kids were really scared that year and needed a lot of reassurance. They had witnessed Cliff's death and were still dealing with the trauma as well as the grief.

Recognize that you don't have to be Wonder Woman/Superman and do it all nor do you have to pretend like everything is just hunky-dorey. We're human beings, we love and we hurt. You have a right to grieve. You also have the right to ask for help and shouldn't feel guilty about that either. Sometimes we need help; this is one of those times!

We also are still here and alive. Do not feel guilty if you actually enjoy something in the midst of your grief. This is a tough one - many of us feel like we're not grieving right/enough if we find laughter and joy in something, but that is ridiculous.

Just before that first Christmas, I attended an employee talent show at work which included some of my friends. I laughed, applauded, cheered. This surprised some people because I was still mourning, and still dressed in black (I wore black for 40 days to honor my husband). Cliff would not have wanted me to stop being me, and I am the sort of person that supports my friends. I cried everywhere, but if I had an opportunity for some laughs I took it! I needed the respite.

Accept only invitations that you want to attend, and even then make sure you have a way to leave early if you need to. I passed on the office Christmas dinner as I knew I couldn't handle being around all the couples, but I attended the office Christmas luncheon where that wasn't an issue.

If you can, try to include one thing of beauty in your surroundings, maybe a potted poinsettia instead of a full tree. Life seems incredibly bleak as it is, and sometimes the little things take the edge off of that bleakness.

If all those tv specials and commercials are getting you down, turn off the tv! My boys and I only watched DVDs. All those "heartwarming" Hallmark specials were "gutwrenching" specials for me - did I really need another reason to cry?? No thanks...

Do something that feeds you spiritually - whether it's attending a service, doing some volunteer/charity work, putting together a care package for a soldier overseas, playing with the grandkids, meditation, or taking a walk on the beach - feed your soul. It really helps!

The hard part is that it will never be the same. We don't want it to change, but it has and we don't have a choice for it not to. My advice is to discuss it with your family and decide on new or at least revised traditions. It won't be simple or easy, but that conversation can be immensely helpful for all concerned.

You will make it through this. I know it's hard. I wish it wasn't.

Love and Hugs, Martha

I have found it helpful to chooose to be proactive and try to add some positives to the day. I plant a tree,or bush, create a section of garden etc to mark specific dates and even buy myself a gift from Him. I visit his grave with flowers [which even if I buy some I always like to include something from home from our garden, and a card or poem which I wrap around the vase with a rubberband and attatch a Christmas Angel, heart or other ornament or small I love you balloon.
I allow myself to be as involved as little or as much as I feel like being with family on the day and I find it useful to have a plan for the next day with friends, so If I am struugling I have somewhere to go,something to do and I don't spiral off alone.
I try not to think about it all too much before the event, live in this moment rather than dread the future, and have found the lead up is generally worse than the event.
It is not easy, but you will find a way that works for you. Blessings!

I'm been having a hard time since the first Christmas decorations appeared in the store & the songs on the radio. My husband died on Dec. 19th last year, which makes this time of the year even harder to face.

This will be my first without Rodger so we decided to do a few things different. We being my two daughter and their families. I put up a tree but that is all as I will be spending most of the days with my daughters, their husbands, and all of the grandchildren. I am sure there will be tears but with children around there is bound to be laughter too. I am just 5 months into this journey but I was so blessed to have Rodger for 52 years that I must count my blessings. My hope for all of my new friends here at DS is that we all find peace during the holiday season. Diane

This NEw Years Eve wil be 6 months since Frank died.

Christmas is hard but I am choosing to make it through the holidays and try not to focus on loss.

We always decorated the house inside and outside but this year I have only put out some winter pottery and some snowman decor. Noting major...i do have some wreaths, etc inside to make it "homey". I also hung the big Christmas wreath on the front door.
With the exception of the door wreath, these are things that can stay out all winter.

I did not put up a tree because I just could nto bear it this year. There will be one at my Mohter's. I am still going to family for the day and will do my best to enjoy. Will it be the same? No. But, I will do my best to not allow myself to sink into a feeling of doom. Frank enjoyed the season too much for me to do that.

There is a work dinner party on Friday, Dec 17th...and coworkers have talked me into attending it. I will go for an hour and ease myself back into a holiday feeling.


And I want to add, that it's not a political statement before someone makes it one....but I have thought today of Elizabethtth Edwards and her family as news that she has ceased cncer treatment is on the news. She only has weeks to live. Yet, she put a statement out filled with ope and love. She has a family and young children and I am thinking how hard this holiday will be for them.

My wife passed away in Jan. My 2 sons and I are going through the first of everything without her. My wife kept up with all the holidays. We decorated mostly for her. My family feels so lost without her. This holiday I don't thing we will be decorating the house. We will be spending the day together probabily crying most of the day thinking of her. I miss her so very much.

My thoughts are with you all. Mike died 5 months ago and I have decided to spend my Christmas in the Florida Keys. The further away from the cold and Christmas the better!

Norm went into cardiac arrest last Dec. 24th.........never regained consciousness........took him off of life support 27th....funeral NYE day........the most horrid week of my life and it used to be our very favorite............no tree this year.....only the manger scene with little trees and blue lights.....he loved that.........wreath he bought for me on the door...........that's Christmas............am trying to stay in the moment.........and remember thr reason.....as Dave stated...........on the other hand I think there have been so many hard days since last Dec.............could it get any worse?..............
Lori

I'm sorry to report there are no "magical" fixes for getting through the holidays. I am navigating my 4th holiday season since I lost my husband Ross. Sometimes the things you think will derail you pass almost unnoticed. At other times things you never anticipated send you into an emotional tailspin. It's all NORMAL. You loved much and you will grieve much.

The good news is that over time the relentless, pounding waves of grief begin to subside. Instead of completely knocking you off your feet, they simply wash over you. The grief may never be completely gone, but it does grow easier and more manageable. I can reassure you that although our Christmas celebration looks much different than when Ross was alive, it will be peaceful and joyful this year.

Hugs to you,
Tami