Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
The pain, the pain, the panic, the frantic feeling my head would explode, the sudden loss of my other half, my better half, my constant companion, my friend, my lover flipped my world upside down.
Seventeen weeks later, I remember the day vividly, but the days after, no, the first couple of months after are a haze.
At some point I realized that having a project I believe in to work on would be good for me. I had been talking about doing a fund raiser for a friend of mine, who runs an animal shelter, so I picked the easiest I could think of and we did a photo day fund raiser for Amigos de Los Animales PR.
Working to concentrate on a task thats more stimulating than challenging gave me moments of peace in that second month. I had to buckle down to put it together. Sometimes regardless of how the project went, Id have uncontrollable bouts of crying and screaming.
As a rule Im a pretty buttoned down hard ass, thanks to my WW II Marine Crop dad who beat me regularly until I reached eighteen and he died leaving me really screwed up; until along came the hero of my story, the guy who died this past July, my guy.
Life in Widowland still sucks
Seventeen weeks later, I remember the day vividly, but the days after, no, the first couple of months after are a haze.
At some point I realized that having a project I believe in to work on would be good for me. I had been talking about doing a fund raiser for a friend of mine, who runs an animal shelter, so I picked the easiest I could think of and we did a photo day fund raiser for Amigos de Los Animales PR.
Working to concentrate on a task thats more stimulating than challenging gave me moments of peace in that second month. I had to buckle down to put it together. Sometimes regardless of how the project went, Id have uncontrollable bouts of crying and screaming.
As a rule Im a pretty buttoned down hard ass, thanks to my WW II Marine Crop dad who beat me regularly until I reached eighteen and he died leaving me really screwed up; until along came the hero of my story, the guy who died this past July, my guy.
Life in Widowland still sucks
My boyfriends passed away suddently 15 weeks ago, I don't even know what to class myself as because I'm not a widow as we were not married although I do know he was the man I was going to marry and grow old with had he not been taken from me so soon. He was the love of my life tho, the better hlf of me, my best friend, my soulmate and I am so lost without him. Like you the first few weeks were a total blur yet the day is so fresh in my mind. I still have bouts were I just cannot hold it in any longer and I will cry for hours on end.
I have tried to throw myself into a project though, my boyfriend suffered with crohns disease and he always said if he won the lottery or came into money he would donate to the crohns and colitis charity, He used to talk about how much he hoped they would find a cure for it. He cannot see that wish become true but we have been doing a lot of fundraising for the charity and I am organising a charity skydive in his memory. 19 of his closest family and friends are all planning on taking part, I am still in the process of getting deposits in so we can book it and then we can't start fundraising. I find it helpful as its keeping me busy and some good will come out of it. He made my life so much better and he made the lives of everyone he knew better, the money we raise can help those suffering with these diseases and make a big difference to their lives and if it can put a smile on one persons face then I know its worthwhile.
You should contact Jewells1and have a talk with her, I think that she may help you more than any of the rest of us can.
Best Regards George
With complicated childhoods it is so hard just to feel good about who you are, then to find the one. the one that loves you even with the baggage. That part is where we are the same. My husband understood my needs so much better than I even did, at most times. He was my door into this world, gently guiding me, catching me when I overdid it and needed to cocoon to recover.
The loss more than just my spouse and all that goes with that. But the loss of the person who made me feel real in this world.
My Father a Korean vet, came home with just such baggage as yours. Then known as shell shock. And a fanatical in wanting to know everything of the religions, all the interpretations. That was his obsession, so we as children were tested often, failure meant reprimands.( nice as I can say)
This changed what I trusted about love. So I am now here without John, farther along than you in months, but there is a crippling effect when losing someone that was so much in your world.
I am here if you want to talk, I also keep my journals open for my friends. I have gone through a boot camp of learning here , so I can do this on my own. My only goal...survive.
Jewells.
It wasn't all perfect, of course, but at least where I screwed up were things I can look back on now and laugh about. Like when I hit the buy one-get one free sale on olive oil - three times! I had completely forgotten each time that I'd already bought it. That did scare the heck out of my sons -- "Mom? Are you all right??" They got used to eating a lot of salads....
I am sorry for the loss of your hero, and I commend you for being a hero to the animal shelter. I found some of the charity work I did after Cliff's death not only helped me, but also had more meaning to me. Plus, I know it's the sort of thing he would have done. We did a heck of a lot of charity and community work together over the years.
There are other groups here that can be helpful for the other issues you may have coming up more now. It's perfectly all right to belong to more than one DS group - I belong to a handful of them, but am only a Community Leader in this one. Here are a couple you might want to check:
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group:
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder/support-group
Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group:
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Physical-Emotional-Abuse/support-group
I hope this helps.
Love and Hugs,
Martha
My retirement meant living together all alone on a tropical isle. We were living our dream. Well, the island part was his dream.
Except for my four good friends, I now live alone on a tropical island, where I don't really speak the language. God certainly has a sense of humor.
Nutri, I can't imagine your shock. Not being married doesn't diminish your love or hurt. My husband was 70> I had 45 yrs with him. You feel cheated. Love n blessings to you. Trici
I only need my swim suit meds and drawing materials to be okay for months.
Okay, maybe internet too!.
My avi is me, I just altered it to fit better.
That should take my mind away completely.
Directions? ...or longitude and lattitude, for an air jump! . Sandee get us some 'Chutes!
My niece wrote to me telling me I need the write a new chapter or a new book. How do we do that after our love story?
Everything I saw myself as was the reflection in his eyes; who am I now? I know you're all struggling with these questions.
Life in Widowland sucks; can we leave now?