We all have to do things in our own time and not be pressured by others who are not in our shoes. We are all different for different reasons. My husband passed away after 8 mos. of lung and bone cancer. He lost the ability to walk early on and was unable to wear his "normal" clothes. After he passed, I couldn't stand to see his clothes and was angry at them (sounds crazy, right?). My son took off and we went through the clothes and he kept what he wanted. I kept some things I couldn't part with and the rest went to our church. As far as other things, as time went on I've gone through them and decided what to keep, give son, or give away to someone who would appreciate them. It took me a couple of years to get to the point I could donate his vehicle and scooter without having a total meltdown. I don't like the word closure. I prefer to call it trying to adjust to what has happened as best I can. I could never imagine what a difficult journey this would be but family, a few good friends, and DS friends have helped me so much. We are strong and can do this with the support of caring,understanding people. Take care, Sandra

Every one has a different way of handling this. Some keep everything and keep everything the very same as for them it helps them feel closer to the one who died. Others finally go through items after giving it some time. Still others feel the pain of loss and are devastated by reminders.

Be kind to yourself. Whatever you decide to do will be the right thing as long as whatever you do brings you the most comfort and the least amount of pain as possible.

The only closure you will find won't come from giving away or keeping his possessions. I'm not sure if I have closure after 6+ years, because I'm not sure what closure is. I have built a new life, but it's built on all my experiences in the past. That includes the realization that tomorrow isn't guaranteed to any of us. Bad things do happen to good people. That leads me to make today the best today I can. No regrets is my goal and even if I fail I figure I'm bettor off than not trying. I still think of the happy times my husband and I shared and will do so forever.

Always do what is best for you and you will be better for it. Sharon

"Closure" and "moving on" are two terms that always make me uncomfortable. They seem to imply that you are supposed to shut off and abandon your own past history. Cliff will always be a part of my life, and I have no intention of just throwing away 30 years of my own history.

I would also recommend if you are fortunate to do so, to hang onto something that still has their scent on it, at least in the early months. I had almost nothing with Cliff's scent on it - he had done all of his laundry the day before he died - so the only things I had were the clothes he wore his last day and his old bathrobe. I used to wrap myself up in his bathrobe to sleep. It might sound strange, but that was one of the things I missed. I think I missed him on every level possible, maybe even on an animal level - maybe that's why I missed his scent? Don't know, but just a suggestion.

Love and Hugs....

Only you can decide. Some people get rid of everything quickly. Others over time. Some people make a shrine. I will say that over the last 9 months, I donated most of his clothes and moved his things out of my bedroom. I got rid of his drum sets and other things that would gather dust and were huge. There is still ALOT left. A couple if days ago, I had family over for Xmas. I enjoyed seeing the smiles on their faces as they looked at the pictures of us and looked at Mikes belongings that are still here. It is not totally about us. Others miss them too. Many things have changed over time just as a natural occurrence. We can't keep them here. But, do what feels right to you.
I've regretted getting rid of some things after the fact but its only because I miss him. Keeping those items would not bring him back and I feel I have what is important. 24 years with him. His love and honor and his children. And the 17 1/2 year old cat :) great reminder!

Think this is a personal decision. Getting rid of his things won't ease the pain nor do they offer a whole lot of comfort to some people. My neighbor lost his wife and immediately got rid of everything. I, on the other hand took three years and I will tell you why. First, it was such an emotional task that it sucked the life from me. I knew it wasn't the right time for me. Second--I didn't want to toss something out and regret it later. My "widows brain" was not always rational and he kept trinkets that meant something to him and I just had to figure out what exactly these things were. Also had to separate things to share with grandkids and there were items (and still are) things I am not ready to let go of until they are a bit older. So, these decisions are personal, for whatever the reason but there is no time table that I am aware of. I still have a few pictures out and some things we shared together. For me, these things offer comfort but on the other hand, I don't want to create a museum. Don't think you have to decide anything until you feel ready.

You do what feels right to you. I had to get rid of things in stages. One time, i completey broke down bagging up some sox. I had to put them back in the drawer. I left his cologne in the cabinet for a year. It went in stages. I kept a lot of his hobby stuff, as i enjoy them as well. So when i go fishing, it reminds me of the times we went together. It feels good to create new memories with some of his stuff. Sometimes, it's nice to look at something of his and feel a calm, happy memory return.