John didn't have a lot of things since we had just moved to a different state, but I have kept everything. I want my kids to grow up seeing his stuff and I like sleeping in his shirts and boxers at night. I like feeling like he is around. but its a personal choice. when my mom passed I slowly got rid of most of her things and just kept a few things. but I am keeping all of johns things. I did sell his motorcycle because I couldn't let it sit and ruin, but everything else I have kept.

My husband passed away July 27th and his clothes are still hanging in the closet and in plastic bags in our guest room. I ca.n wear some of his sweaters so I'll be warm and cozy for the winter. Also took some of his undershirts and argyle socks. When I feel the time is right, I will give his clothes to someone special.

I agree with what everyone has posted. You will know when it is time.
For me, I have his suits and things left in the closet. His clothes in his drawers. I have gotten ride of his car and his medical items.
His suits and shoes I will be donating the end of January. My son wears some of his fathers clothing. I have asked him to go through them and keep what he wants. I will donate the rest. My sister will be coming to help me. I have an old cedar chest that was my grandmothers, in there I have out my wedding dress, and everything else that I wish to keep.

I only saw this post now... Quite similar to the one I just wrote today, so you clearly are not alone in those feelings... I want to have the most I can of ALL objects. Even gigantic new shoes that he never got to try... In spite of the fact that I don't have to much space, and that just two months ago we were talking about being more minimalist...

My advice is to wait at least 6 months before you start getting rid of stuff. You will be in such a fog until then that you really won't be able to make a clear-headed decision about what you need, want, or should keep.

People will pressure you for stuff, too. When I was still in the early shock and fog, I was convinced to give up some of Cliff's tools. That was a mistake. I still needed them for the house, and I had to pay money to replace them. People will come out of the woodwork and ask for stuff. Say 'no' until you pass at least the 6-month mark. Seriously!!!

I have had to divest myself of so much in these 6 years, in part because it didn't make sense to keep everything, in part because I needed funds, and in part because I moved from the US to the UK and simply couldn't bring everything with me. One of the best pieces of advice I received from my fellow DSers through all that was anything that had any emotional attachment which I had to sell or whatever, to take photos of it. I did that for Cliff's guitars and music equipment which I sold, and I am so glad I did. It's also a lot easier to keep a box of photos than a lot of stuff no one would use.

I have many of Cliff's things, small personal things, in a special box which I purchased just for that purpose. It helped me to put some things away, in safekeeping for my sons as well as myself, instead of looking at them all the time.

Everything Cliff and I owned after 30 years together was the product of joint decisions. There was no way that I was going to get rid of everything I associated with him - that would have been ludicrous because we got it together. I knew where every coffee cup, piece of furniture, knick-knack and you-name-it was purchased and when, and we were together when that happened or had discussed it and agreed upon it together.

Closure?? Only someone who has never gone through this would be silly enough to think that way. They just have no clue....

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Nothing takes away the loneliness and sadness! I really dislike when anyone tells me what I should do and how I should grieve especially how long I should grieve. Everyone is different you should always do what you feel is right for you when it is right for you! Hugs!!!

I agree with cliffskat, and with mosr responses here do what feels right to you. I have kept most of her things a few have gone to ourneices and other relitives but, she had told me to give those items.
Otherwise I;m taking the 6 mths to a year rule. Don;t make any major decisions for at least a year so far it has been working.

I'm at 16 weeks and have put out some pictures of her for reminders, her clothes are still ehrn they were. I have cleanes things but, like all of her kitchen syuff is still where she kept it.

Like they say do what makes you feel good don't let others preassure you. You'll know when it is time, it will feel right.

Best to you.

Jeff

I'm sorry for your loss Mary, I know the hell you are going through. I haven't been here for a while because I end up crying, reading all of your stories. It's coming on a year for me on the 25th. I still have not moved a thing out of his closet, I love seeing his things in there and when I go to bed at night I leave his side of the closet open so I can look at his things before I turn the light off. Everyone is different. There's no right or wrong way of grieving. We all handle things different, I go to a bereavement group class once a week and this has helped so much. My husband died in his sleep and I never got to tell him goodbye. What a shock that was to me when I came home and found him. We knew each other 50 years and were married 43. He was my love. Anyway it's still so hard for me and I hear the 2nd year is worse. I'm not looking forward to the holidays. Last year I was numb but this year it's different. You will do what you think is best for you. Sorry I'm rambling also. The best to you Mary.

Mary, wise words are spoken by many. Take your time, and take small baby steps. As was told to me, there is no right or wrong time, it's what you feel you are ready to do or not do. I am over a year now, and just Sunday before last I came home for church, and walked right into the closet and started cleaning out his clothes. I kept some, let my boys pick some out and my girls will come together and pick some out. The rest will be given to a church to distribute. So far the hardest part has been to walk in the closet and see it half empty. I hurried and put some of my clothes on that side to help me feel better.

One of my daughters came by tonight, and she went to look inside the closet, and she said "I don't understand why you couldn't leave it". First of all after I cleaned out the closet and his clothes, I texted all the girls to let them know what I did, so they could prepare themselves. Which was over a week ago. Well, I told her tonight that it was time, I prayed for God to give me the strength and the guidance I needed to make this decision. She looked at me, and I then looked at her and told her it was time. I told her yes it is sad, but I could not take it anymore walking in that closet and seeing his clothes. I told her that Daddy is not coming back and I cannot continue to see his clothes hanging up everyday as a reminder. Plus, I am not out to please any one of them. This was my decision, and God gave the the strength.

Sorry for the long story. God Bless Susan.

You will know when you can give things to people who really need them. No thing can keep your memories alive because the memories will be yours always...things do not give you more memories. I gave my partners things to folks in need. (We have so many in this country) I am happy more folks are now warmer in winter. When she was alive, she had TWO coats and gave them both away. I yelled at her, Even Jesus said if you have two coats give ONE away. She shrugged and smiled. "but they were both cold - who was I to chose:" Who can argue about that??

I am glad this posted got bumped up today. I am at 11 weeks and aside from just simply straightening the top of my husband's dressers everything is exactly how he left it. In fact, he showered prior to leaving that evening and hung his towel over the end of the ironing board. It used to drive me NUTS when he was alive but now I cannot move that darn towel. I bought a new ironing board instead. He had dirty clothes in the laundry basket...they're still there. My house is still the same as when my husband left with the exception of many 8X10 and larger pictures of my husband placed through out the house. He would be embarrassed by all the pictures but it is my way of seeing his face as much as possible.

I had one well meaning friend who told me when my husband first passed that he would be here at the 2 week mark and we would get rid of my husband's clothes...then we would work on his computer and other items. Luckily this "friend" returned to his busy life and hasn't stopped by to assist with my "progress"...but his statement also has made me question whether or not I was crazy.

Thank you all yet again for making me feel normal!

His clothes are still in the closet and drawers. I wear some of his sweaters, his watch and his wedding band. I am donating his car to the American Lung Association in his honor.

I have given most of my sweeties clothes away because I felt she would reach down and slap me if I just left them in a closet. I think she would have wanted others to get use out of her things. She had TONS of clothes and shoes too. A friend I work with is from the Philippines and the neighborhood where her family lives had a lot of devastation where people lost everything so a good amount of my sweeties things will be over there. I kind of like that and I think she would too. I kept many of her things though, her favorite pajamas, her favorite sport jerseys and some other things like some tees from the many concerts we went to. I didn't rush to give them away, I waited about a month and I thought a lot about it. I just felt she would want others to use them. She was like that.

I am just saying that's the way "I" felt. Everyone is different so if you want to hold on to things to help you then by all means you do that. Everyone is different and you have to do what brings you peace. My wife passed away in bed in her sleep. I didn't wash the sheets for a month and I slept on her side. It's just something I needed to do. Some may find it strange but that is their problem not mine. It is something I needed to do. I still haven't brought myself to wash her dirty clothes that are in her hamper. I have to do that but I can't bring myself to do it. I will of course but not yet.

I kept my husband pictures that I have in my bedroom -so I can see his face; his favorite shirts- hugs me when I feel to alone; his boots- to remind me of his steps.