I'm at 4months and have given away his clothes and sold his office furniture and tools etc. it was difficult and times it made me almost literally sick. But I'd never use the tools and I have a little area for any computer/office space I need. I gave a lot of his clothes to neighbors. We were a close knit community and it actually gives me comfort that so many have his clothes...like he's still here. I know he'd feel happy about it. I have a lot to still go through. In a way it made me feel like I was throwing away our life..like it's all gone now and things will never the same, which they won't. Giving away his stuff was like throwing away our life. It was very disturbing to me at times. But I don't have much life to look forward to anyway, so what does it matter..sorry rambling..Mary

Mary;
For the time being keep his things as you may regret it if you throw things out now. After you've had more time and get along farther on this journey you can then decide as you feel more comfortable to with your own thoughts on what to do. Don't be in a rush.

Best Regards George

I believe this is a personal choice to get rid of his things or not to. Personal on the level of if and when. I lost my husband two months ago and it was just too painful for me to walk into our closet and see all of his clothes hanging there. I gave away to family what they wanted and boxed up the rest just to get them out of site. A friend gave me a great idea though. I am getting twelve of the shirts that meant the most to him/me and will be having a t-shirt quilt made. That way, the shirts are not just hanging in the closet and not just packed in boxes. I will be able to cuddle under a quilt made with his favorite shirts! I can't wait for it to be done! I'm still picking out which shirts to put in the quilt. Other small possessions of his I boxed up and will go through those much later. I shaved his face with his electric shaver the morning of his death and I know his stubble is still in it. Just can't get rid of it!

I'm so sorry for your loss, I understand what you are going through, all of us do here. I couldn't pack up my wife's things for almost a year. I finally did give most of her clothes away, but I did keep a box full of the things that meant the most to me. Her side of the bathroom sink is still the same. She died of breast cancer and she had lost all her hair before the end and her wig is still where she left it beside her side of the bed. Some things I can give away or donate, others I want to keep because they were hers. It's different for each of us I believe. Do whats right for you. I don't believe there is ever closure as some put it.

Take care

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think all of us are different what's right for one doesn't work for another. My husband died almost 8 months ago from kidney cancer. I have recently been able to sleep in our bed. I can't go through his clothes yet and I know I need to go through his garage and shed but I think I'll let my son in laws do that and they can take what they want and then I'll see what to do next. Every change I make around the house I feel guilty because he's not here so I end up doing nothing. I just want to run away for a year and get my head straight.

I passed the three year mark and have everything. It makes my home feel normal, especially for my kids. Maybe I am a packrat.

Maggie

Mary, funny you said that about your Mom. Mine did the same thing, just kept a very few items. And, AND, I hate the word closure. WTH does that mean, anyway? If I throw/donate (which I've done) Joe's stuff, I'm gonna feel cleansed and ready for my "new life"? Yeah, right, that'll work. I'm at almost 5 1/2 years - it has been bits and pieces, here and there, and only when I'm ready to let those things (stuff things, I mean) go. Don't get me started about well meaning comments.... hmmm. I guess that's what I think. Hugs, Marsha

Mary,
As George said, don't rush the decision. You may want to PUT some things away, not GIVE them away, until you can make a better decision. I am also making 2 pillow shams out of Sam's favorite shirts; you might want to do something like that as well. Each person's decision is personal, but please take your time in deciding.
Sincerely,
Olwyn

Every one is different. If you don't feel ready, don't let go. No one else is going to take his things from you...they will still be there when you are ready.

My husband was a packrat, a hoarder in a sense, and I started giving away a lot of his stuff only a few weeks after he died. I already cleaned out his storage shed, and one of his dressers. (Still have a long way to go, but home improvements became the priority) It is a good time to give clothing to the homeless, and other items to charities. I like to think his excesses will be gifts to those in need.

The memories of our life together are so imbedded in my heart and mind, and are so much a part of me. They will never die. But the physical reminders only make me miss him more and wish things were different. I know he's gone, so it seems like all I am doing is making life more painful by having his stuff around. I am trying to simplify my life, and holding on to all his belongings only makes if more complicated.

But that is MY choice. Yours may be different. There is no right or wrong here.

My husband passed away almost 4 months ago, and I have given away many of his things. There is so much to go through, after 37 years of marriage and 28 years in the house I live in now. I recently had to sell a second home we just bought earlier this year, which was out of state. I was fortunate the house sold quickly and the move was smooth, except expensive. The sale took a toll on me emotionally, since my husband absolutely loved the home. The other thing that was most difficult to get rid of was his favorite sportscar. Every time I walked into the garage, it tore me up. I sold it to someone who will appreciate it, and take good care of it.

Lol, if you don't post in the first 9 posts then there is nothing useful to say other than to echo what they said.

I would only remove stuff if it was going to make you feel better ( for some people it does ). We still have all of our daughters stuff from 17 years ago. I'm in no hurry to deal with my wife's stuff because there is not much of an upside for me. I'll get more space in the house, but I already have plenty. On the minus side I will get sad just deciding what to do with each item.

The only wrong choice is to do what somebody else says they know is right for you :)

Maryl you answered your own question. 'His things here or gone are not going to give me closure" Do things at your own pace when you are ready. Gerald

I'm at 8 months and I still have almost everything of my wife's. I have it all packed in her closet and I'll go through it when I'm ready, which isn't yet. I don't think getting rid of everything will bring me closure anymore than anything else will.

Russ

I'm w/Marsha on this ...
Its a process & a slow one of adjusting ...
At 61/2 yos out, I can say there is nothing that cures grief or eases it ...
Triggers wear off; memories will continue to cycle ...
You can come across an item like your husband's shaving kit in a store - it might look the same or it might not - it can still trigger memories ...
Every time I see Miracle Whip, I'm smile at being reminded of Bob & how he taught our daughter to enjoy it just as he did ...
While grieving In my own little world I'd go through Bob's belongings - sometimes picking out an item to carry around to soothe me ...
Then a day or two later I be screaming my head off searching the house for it - thinking I lost it - someone stole it - the kids got ahold of it or the dog swallowed - the abominable snowman took it ...
I never found anything right away so for the next few days I'd cry, scream & yell at everyone to help me find it as I retraced my steps while trying to remember where I placed it using my widow brain ...
Talk about driving myself crazy ...
Keeping everything in place was a good decision for me ...
The 2nd year was far worse & I found that having left his stuff as is was comforting & made taking inventory so much easier ...
Inventory, absolutely! I had to make sure everything was accounted for - you just never know what's gonna happen next! *wink*
Good luck w/your decision ...

Keep what you want if it's a comfort to you. Does not matter what anyone else's perception is of what you do. I still have some things just where he left it. Other belongings of his have found new homes. I think it's worse to unload everything, then wish later on you hadn't done that. It takes time to sort things out.