Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
When my husband was first diagnosed with cancer, it was Christmas. We were going to dinner with his disabled sister, and my husband said if anything ever happened to him, he didn't want me to live by myself. I asked him why, and he said he just didn't. I believe it was a hint for his sister to move in with me, for she lived in Philadelphia, in an unsafe area. She died 6 months after he did.
When we lose our spouse, it is so easy to have someone else take care of us, instead of pulling up our boot straps and taking care of ourselves. I have so much pride in myself because I am doing it myself. I just wish I knew that my husband was proud of me and approved.
I have realized that I can't do what others expect of me, or what he would want me to do. I have to do what I feel in my heart. Basically, besides the underlying depression that I am coping with, and that will go away in time, I am resolved in my heart that I had the best, I was married to the best. I can not be any other than my husband's wife, nor do I want to. I guess wanting to remain his wife and continue to carry his last name is more of a want and heart desire.
To pack it all in, and give up, would be defeat. I love my man with all my heart and I hope he understands that I want to do this on my own. I really do.
When we lose our spouse, it is so easy to have someone else take care of us, instead of pulling up our boot straps and taking care of ourselves. I have so much pride in myself because I am doing it myself. I just wish I knew that my husband was proud of me and approved.
I have realized that I can't do what others expect of me, or what he would want me to do. I have to do what I feel in my heart. Basically, besides the underlying depression that I am coping with, and that will go away in time, I am resolved in my heart that I had the best, I was married to the best. I can not be any other than my husband's wife, nor do I want to. I guess wanting to remain his wife and continue to carry his last name is more of a want and heart desire.
To pack it all in, and give up, would be defeat. I love my man with all my heart and I hope he understands that I want to do this on my own. I really do.
You have chosen to live your life for you and dedicate your love to the memory of your husband. You are very adamant on the fact that you will remain alone and will not allow love from another in. You profess it many times. I love my husband dearly. His death devastated me. To love another runs the risk of having to go through this again, something I surely don't want to do. My husband's death was a surprise...a shock...but it proves that life is full of the unknown. I remain open to life...I am alive...When we are reunited in heaven it will not be as it was on earth. I live my life now with faith and the hills and valleys, sunshine and rain, hopeless and in hope each day a new gift and the first day of the rest of my life. We all live as we need to, what is best for us. I wish each one of the wonderful people here peace, happiness and to be able to live their best life. Bless you all..have a great weekend.
There is no desire on my part to share love with a member of the opposite sex. Trust me, I miss sharing my life and being part of a union, but the broken record is going to say she misses it with her husband. It's that plain and simple for me. It's a truth I've discovered through all the mud and murk the grief monster has thrown at me. I guess I come on too strong at times, and I'll apologize for that. Hope there was and is no offense taken.
I am such an admirer of those who know exactly what it si that they want from the memory of their love, to how they want to live their lives now.
I am so very new to this journey, and finding more out about myself, my grief, my wants and if I have any dreams for my future , and what they truly are?
As of right now, I know I am missing my love, my soulmate more than I ever though possible.I know that I will carry him in my heart and in all I do with the rest of the life I have here.
I do not know however what I will feel like in a month, a year, two years, 3, and on from there on how I want my life at that point to be..
I think we are always evolving our thoughts , what we want, what we are going to do. I think that's part of living.
I loved my husband dearly, and completely. Everything I did, everything I felt was for him. I would have done anything to save him, and anyone who knows us or of us have said it to me as well. So many of us left behind have done that for our loves. I think that's the honor. I think the legacy of them is the love we gave and were given.
I right now, have no desire to date, but I do know that that may change, and it may not. I think the trick of it all is in that whatever we choose to do or not to do, we have to be ok with ourselves.
I know in my case, my G. would always have faith in me, my decisions, and in my love for him. I choose to believe that whatever decisions I make in the future regarding, home, job, family, friends, etc., that he is somewhere up there cheering me on as he always did in life. I figure as long as I do all in my life truthfully, and honestly, being true to myself, I will by definition be honoring what we had.
Just my thoughts.