Dear Terry,

Wayne's birthday was last month. It was a horrible day. But everyday is a horrible day. I wish I had some sound advice to give you.

Maybe the walk will help. I know I have been walking the pads off my pup's little paws. I can not go near our wedding video, maybe someday.

You can always come over here and help me with yard. Bundle up, its cold:)))

Hope you find some comfort today.

Peace to you
Dually

I do understand, Terry. None of this is even tolerable, much less easy. I recently celebrated both my husbands birthday and five months of his passing all on the same day, also by myself. I did the same as you and just tried to exist through the pain. I don't think there is anything else to do. The only thing that seems to have helped me has been the eventual acceptance that EVERYTHING in my life has changed and that there is nothing I can do to stop or prevent it. These have been the worst seven months of my life.

I can't get him back, all I can do is try and move in new direction. Moving forward doesn't happen all at once, but instead in little spurts and stops.

All I can do is offer you hugs and compassion and let you know that you aren't alone. Jan

Terry
Praying for you today as you process through this first. Try to get out of the house take your walk and go to a movie or walk through the Mall. Call a friend to see if you can met for lunch or just walk together to talk.


Laine's birthday is this coming Friday the Oct 12th, so I'm not sure how I'll be that day.
Colleen

My dear friend Terry...I needed to answer some emails and decided to check in at DS before turning off the computer. (Have to get ready for going out to lunch) But I just saw your message and if I were able to, I'd give you a big hug right now.
You are never alone. The "firsts" have all come and gone for me, now that my Ed passed almost 15 months ago. You will survive, dear friend.

There were many times that I felt like I was going over the edge with grief and sadness, but our DS group reached out with kind words of encouragement to help me get through those really bad days.

Is there an understanding, friendly neighbor nearby who could come over for a few minutes, just for coffee and a little chat? To be totally alone when you feel so sad is not the greatest feeling, for sure. Luckily, you're able to take those walks outdoors and see the beautiful scenery around your area! (my days of taking walks ended a few years ago, but it's okay, I accept it)

From the way you described your beloved Darrell, he would NOT want you to be in low spirits on his birthday. Be thankful for the years you had with him, all the sweet memories of Darrell should bring some smiles today.

Keep the faith, dear Terry, you are not alone in life...count every tiny blessing, especially the things we all take for granted. Just hang in there, kid, I'm saying a comforting prayer for you right now.

Sending blessings, love and hugs across the country to you,
Your friend Nancy

Terry, I so understand how you feel today on your husband's birthday. My husband's birthday was in February a little over two months from the day I said goodbye to him on 12/23/11. His birthday was one of the toughest days for me to get through even harder than our anniversary date in July. I really had no plans made for his birthday nor did I really have anyone that would have wanted to be with me in my tears and sadness. The only thing that brought me comfort was to read out loud the beautiful prayer of thanks for Jerry's life that the minister gave at his memorial service a week earlier.

Wish I had the exact words that could bring you some comfort today. It is so difficult to get through these days of overwhelming pain and sadness when we miss our loved ones so deeply. Sometimes it helps me to think about a memory where Jerry made me laugh, and I know from your previous posts that you had many of these moments with your Darrell. May it help you too that you have friends here that truly understand your loss of your dear husband. Sending you lots of (((HUGS))) Stephanie

Terry. You've been at this a little longer than I have. I lost my Charlie April 9, but I have been through my birthday, his birthday and our anniversary.
Your statement ". It hurts but I feel like I need to feel the hurt, deeply and strongly". Is the one that resonates with me. I don't think it will make it go away, but it is something we need. We need to get it out when it needs to get out.
Recently I read a blog by a woman who has been widowed for almost five years. What she said makes sense to me " And I loved the fact that I still love him so much that my heart breaks when I forget my reality for just a second. That I love him so much that the missing of him still brings tears".
You and Darrell had the kind of love that's not going to just dissappear.

In the meantime, I know how much you are hurting today. After you get it out, I hope you find soome peace.
Julie

Terry,
I know that feeling of being so sad that you just want to crawl into bed and never get up. My Rick's birthday was 3 months after he passed away and it was very difficult to get through the day. I find that writing to him in a journal helps me get my feelings out and it allows the tears to flow, which is a good release. My love has only been gone not quite 9 months, I miss him terribly!
We all have each other to lean on, that is really the only consolation I have to cope with this nightmare.
Hugs,
Christine

Oh Terry, my heart is breaking with yours. There isn't any pain to equel losing your spouse, and his birthday is a hard day to get through. Can you give him some kind of birthday present to assure he isn't forgotten by others such as planting a tree, maybe having a bench with a plaque honoring him placed in the park, or a brick paver placed with his name on it? None of these things will bring him back, but they might ease your pain. I will be in your situation in a few days...Don asked me to go steady on October 12th, exactly one year later he gave me an engagement ring, exactly a year later we wed. We thought we were so clever, only having one date to remember...big mistake!
I hope you find a way to get through his birthday.

Love and hugs to you. I share your pain. Our 37th anniversary was Oct 4, I made it through relatively ok. My son-in-law and my daughter sent me flower at work. It was a nice gesture but it made me cried a little. Monday is my birthday and 14th is my daughter's and 26th is my husband's birthday so you can see it is a difficult month for us too. Wishing you peace.

Thank you all for your supportive words and thoughts and caring. You have all helped me through this day and I'm sure I'll be back to the well of hope to which we all contribute, for comfort during the next "first." In the meantime, the day is nearly over, I'm feeling much better and I'll be here to give next time to any who need encouragement, love and an arm and/or shoulder.
Hugs and blessings and thanks to you all,
Terry
P.S. to Dually: Since I couldn't make it to your house to help with the yard, I did follow this line of thinking and actually dusted my house, which helped pass the day away and left me with a (sort of) dust-free house. Special thanks for that lead. :)

I wish I had words to help. Plain and simple those firsts are so so hard! I'm so sorry you have to face this day missing him so much. Big (((((hugs)))))sent your way...
-Diana

Hi Terry,
I'm sorry you are feeling so lost and having a terrible day. I lost my husband of 40 years suddenly on March 2012, and still find myself lost and the emotions come from out of no where, and can't stop crying. I have found one thing that seems to help me is to grab a sheet of paper and write a letter to him, telling him how I am feeling that day, sad, upset, lost, frustrated, ect. After I get all my feelings out and ask him to help me to carry on without him, I feel relieved that I could share my feelings with him like with nobody else.
Take Care,

Hi Terry...I so understand how you feel. I lost my husband in May and my first was our anniversary in September. That was the one special day of the year - we always had a date night. I had my two closest friends over for dinner that night so it turned out to be a very nice evening. These were people I could laugh and cry with. It is very hard finding a way to celebrate without that special person. I am glad you are feeling better. Take care...Dawn

Wish I had seen your post earlier today. So sorry your day was so painful. I know I'm in for the same in a month. We are trying to decide how to "celebrate" his birthday. It would have been the big 70 and he was expecting something special for the "big holiday." But, the day is almost over and you've survived. As horrible as it was, you have become stronger. Every hour, every day, every special event we make it through, we become stronger.

Terry,

I'm so sorry for your sadness - as everyone here does, I know exactly how you are feeling. The 2 month anniversary of Pete's death was the day before his birthday - the worst two days in a row!!!!

Prayers to you for peace and comfort!
April