Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Today i'm "celebrating" Darrell's 78th birthday - first celebration since his death in February. And, it's the first "first." I have been anticipating it like a root canal, thinking that the anticipation would be worse than the actual day - IT's NOT!!! I woke up at 2:30 am, tossed and turned and finally out of bed at 4:50 am.
I watched the videotape of our wedding, thinking that seeing him alive and hearing his voice might calm me. IT DIDN'T. It only magnified the disparity between the happiness of our wedding day and the misery I feel today without him.
I normally take a daily walk along the ocean cliffs or at the local nature preserve. But, today my face is too swollen from crying and I can't stop crying - going out in public would just make me feel worse. I've chosen to just stay home and wallow in my pain. It hurts but I feel like I need to feel the hurt, deeply and strongly. Maybe then it will just go away.
I've come here to all of you because I need your help. You are the only ones who understand what I'm going through and only your supportive words will help me through this. Please help me...
Terry
I watched the videotape of our wedding, thinking that seeing him alive and hearing his voice might calm me. IT DIDN'T. It only magnified the disparity between the happiness of our wedding day and the misery I feel today without him.
I normally take a daily walk along the ocean cliffs or at the local nature preserve. But, today my face is too swollen from crying and I can't stop crying - going out in public would just make me feel worse. I've chosen to just stay home and wallow in my pain. It hurts but I feel like I need to feel the hurt, deeply and strongly. Maybe then it will just go away.
I've come here to all of you because I need your help. You are the only ones who understand what I'm going through and only your supportive words will help me through this. Please help me...
Terry
That first brings back at least it seems like it was the first day of knowing they are gone. I think for me that week anticipation was so there I decided I would do something constructive.....I made a choice to make it a happy event in saying goodbye in a way again....we took balloons wrote on them and let them go in the mts where he always loved...went to his favorite resturant and said small little things we liked about him....A few tears but it made it seem like a celebration more than a loss ----I did shed tears as I left but the way it went down also softened it...
There are certain things each of our loved ones loved....and that is what I focused on ...that first of firsts....
I miss my husband terribly, but I think of the life I have now--wondering about keeping a job, about staying safe, about growing old by myself--and I just know that he is in a far better place. That is why I celebrate his new life there. When he was born, he was born into a world of terror--the cold war, worry about finances, health issues--in short, every thing that comes with life. Someone once told me to cry when a person is born, to laugh when they transition.
I haven't quite got the laughter down, but as the years pass it becomes easier to smile.