Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
My friend sent me to this site. I lost my husband a week ago. I'm beyond devastated . I feel lost , lonely . I lost my soul mate. Il never find another man as great as him. He was truly amazing . He suffered a sudden heartattack. He had no known heart issues. I love, need and want him so bad. I cannot breathe , eat , sleep. I cannot live without him
My second husband is a widower I met in this group, we are both aware that one of us will go through the loss again, and neither of us looks forward to that happening. It has always taken courage to love someone, to be willing to go through the 'for better or worse' as we have all done. It just takes an extra measure of it to do it again after a loss like ours.
I was only 50 when I lost Cliff. You're even younger than I was. I wouldn't even think about those questions right now.
I too felt exactly the way you do. I lost my husband to a sudden and unexpected cardiac arrest (V-fib). I have learned more about that condition than I ever wanted to. Unlike a heart attack it is a confusion in the heart's electrical system which causes a rapid and unorganized heart rhythm. This caused my husband to collapse. He fell 12ft to the ground. He was working in an extremely rural area at the time. Only one person knew CPR and by the time they got to him, began CPR, called 911 and used an AED he was gone. He was rushed to the hospital with CPR in progress but they could not revive him. I have always felt that if I were there (being fully trained in CPR, AED and trauma) I would have been there immediately and very well could have saved him. I have went through alot of guilt and what if's too. I think its normal for us as survivors to do this. They pain is horrific and relentless. It eats me up inside when I think like that. After 3 years since that horrible day I still have days where I go to those dark places in my mind and I relive the whole thing. Then I think of how much I have lost ect.... Time does help dull the pain. I never believed this when I first came to DS but its true. There are so many parts to this grief crap that we have to try and combine with this new unwanted existence. CliffsKat's words have helped me so much over these years as have Sharon's and a few friends I have made here. In the beginning I would read posts and responses and think to myself "I'll never get even close to where they are" BUT I am getting closer to something. I'm not sure what it is but grief has pushed me along unwillingly and fighting all the way.
I was in my early 40's when I lost Mike and he will forever be my love. No one will ever replace or fill that hole in my heart and soul. Nor should they. Its a daily process to figure out what comes next so hang on. each minute, each hour, each day is a step.... not forward sometimes and most likely not out of grief but a step none the less. Keep coming here and take a piece of our posts with you every time you do. The same goes for your face to face counseling. Try to grasp something from each time because who knows its very possible you will need it some where down the long and rocky road.
Hugs
Lisa
Lisa
I also find that writing helped - it forced me to focus on one aspect of grief at a time. It also let me to cry over it. Once that topic has been given enough thoughts and tears, the stranglehold of that aspect of grief was loosened.
You can google "journal prompts on grief" if you need a topic. Here is one website:
http://writingthroughlife.com/a-weeks-worth-of-journaling-prompts-the-journey-of-grief/
Have you ever lost a loved one? If so, how would you characterize your journey thus far?
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What are some of the ways you have expressed grief? Have you memorialized through pictures, poems, or writing? Have you buried yourself in work to avoid feeling? How else?
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Freewrite for ten minutes: What have you learned by grieving?
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Create a cluster using the word Grief as the nucleus. (Use the instructions for Creative Clustering, and remember to write after you draw your cluster.)
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Draw a map of your grief journey, illustrating each stage you experienced along the way. Did you return (or have you returned) to some of those stages? Were there obstructions in your path? Include them in your drawing.
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Write about the kinds of support that was most meaningful to you while experiencing grief. Is there anyone in your life to whom you could give the gift of support in one of these ways?
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Write about you and your husband's journey through the eye of a third person. What will he/she see you and your husband on a day to day basis as you took care of him? What will he hear? Can that person feel the love through the care?
2. I'm really Missing...
3. My support system includes...
4. I really need more ...
5. I'm having a hard time with...
6. I find it helpful when....
7. I find it difficult when...
8. Some of my grief triggers are...
9. I'm grateful for ....
10. My favorite memory of my husband is....
https://www.dailystrength.org/group/widows-widowers/discussion/grief-in-six-words