I'm sorry for your loss. It's been almost 2 years since my husband passed away. This time of year is particularly hard, but I have survived. I remember when I was where you are now and I had the same questions that you do. All I did was cry and the pain was almost unbearable.

Even though time passes, to me the pain has not healed. I have learned to deal with that pain in my own way. I have learned to live on my own and take care of things on my own. The life I loved is over and I'm trying to find a new life. It's still a work in progress, but I'm getting there.

I hope this group gives you some comfort.

Nessie from KY

I'm so sorry for your loss and the pain that goes along with it!.

Unfortunately, this is a journey none of us chose to take. I am glad you found this site so soon after your loss. You will find so much help, support and advice.... from people who have been where you are today.

The first few months are so hard. They are all about surviving....

Some of the things you may run into:

1) Fear: You may suddenly find yourself afraid in your own home... Afraid of the dark and every little noise you hear! This is normal..... it was 3 months before I could turn the light off and walk across the living room to my bedroom. A journey of about 15 feet!

2) Sleep: You probably won't be able to..... for a long time. This is normal. Rest when you can! Or you will want to sleep all the time! This is also normal.

3) Loss of friends/family: After the first few weeks you may find that people you thought would stand by you during this time will let your down. They will stop calling or returning your calls. They will "forget" to invite you to join them for social occasions, etc. I'm sorry to say this happens to most of us. On the other hand, you will find that there are people in your life who you only thought were casual friends who will reach out to you. Let them! I can't explain why this happens.... it just does.

4) Pressure: Pressure to move on before your ready...... everybody's grief journey is different. You decide when you're ready to a) clean out the close; b) take pictures down; c) move/not move; ... the list is endless. Don't let anybody talk you into anything you don't want to do.

This is the one time in your life when you need to take care of yourself before anyone else. Be good to yourself.......

God bless.....

I am so sorry Christine that you had to join us. This is an extremely difficult unimaginable road that we didn't ask to be on. there is no pat answers you must find your way with the help of family friends and us here at DS. and of course when you are ready God! right now you are probably mad at him and that is ok. this is a journey, just BREATH...and take it one minute one hour one day at a time, God Bless You and hugs, Bernard

When my hubby died, I would get soo mad at other people...walking around without a care in the world...I wanted to yell at them " don't you know my husband just passed"... im sorry that you are going through this.... I can tell you now almost 2 years later....you never stop missing or loving your hubby. we have been through it and are here for you ... this group has helped me through some tough times.... hugs

I am so sorry for your loss and for what you are going through. You are on a journey that none of us signed up for. Every word you wrote describes the "nightmare' we are all living in. But you have come to the right place. Everyone here understands what you are going through. Come back often to read or to write out you pain. You will find the outpouring of comfort and true caring a blessed gift.

For now, be gentle with yourself....take care of yourself...and take it one small moment by moment. We are here and we all care.
Sending you lots of love and prayers.
Blessings
Sharon

I'm so so sorry, Christine. I hate it for all of us here who are stuck in the same nightmare. We all feel the same raw pain that you feel; we have the same profound sorrow; and our worlds are all broken. Does that help? Well, sometime, yes. It feels comforting to know you aren't alone... that someone else understands and that you are not isolated in your grief.

The worst thing that could possibly EVER happen to you, just did. So, you don't ever have to be afraid again. Nothing else will be this bad. I agree with Reply #2 from Parmela. Every word is true.

In closing, I just want to share with you something that has given me strength. Believing 1 Peter 3:7 that says husbands and wives "are heirs together of the grace of etermal life" -- meaning I will see my precious husband again -- is the ONLY thing that gets me through. And, each day, I'm one day closer to the day when that happens. It's precioius little right now, but I am so grateful that it is a real possibility that it helps me through each nightmare day. You, my friend, are in my prayers this very day... as are all my fellow DS members... Love,
Joni

It has been 3-1/2 years for me. I remember what went through my mind and what I did that first year. It was an effort just to breathe. Everything was painful, I feared my present and my future. And yes, I did not want to go on without him. I wanted to be with him.

You have to take a day at a time, honey. Cry if you need to. You are suffering a huge loss. As for the future, we are not guaranteed tomorrow. Trying to see youself in the future causes too much anxiety. I get anxious if it passes through my mind, so I pull myself back and say Am I guaranteed tomorrow, next week, or a future? The answer is always NO. So try to focus on today, right now, this very minute.

I have survived also. I don't know how, but I am OK now. I want nothing more than the man I lost. He is the one I wanted to spend my life with, and hopefully celebrate our 50th. I still want him back, and still want to be with him, but my mind is reasonable enough now to know that these can't happen.

So Sorry for your Loss, and yes it is very intense very personal very scary, and at four and half months still is, yet it is doable, tomorrow does come, one breath, one step, be very very gentle on your self now, take great care of your self, No you are not alone we all are here and we feel your pain, we know your pain, You can get thru today.
someone else quoted the tears so here it is
"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love."
~ Washington Irving
Much Gentle Warm Hugs to you.
Rick

I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear husband and that you had to begin this heartbreaking journey into grief. It is probably going to be the hardest thing you'll ever have to do, especially in the early months. You'll always miss him, in part because you'll always love him. When it seems unbearable, let yourself cry, curse, scream - whatever you need to do to work your way through this gut-wretching, heartbreaking sorrow. Most of us here have done it all.

Come back to DS often. Although I rarely post, I visited every day and this group help me more than they'll ever know. There is a common bond of understanding here and you can gain comfort from others who "get it".

You can survive this one minute, one hour, one day at a time. ((HUG))

I am so very sorry for your loss and the pain you are feeling. I had a heartache so deep in my chest for the longest time after my husband passed away (nov 2007) that I know as my broken heart..... but it does eventually mend--- it will never be the same . My heart goes out to you and I hope you find some peace and healing in 2013.
Big Hugs--Tammy

Christine, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I became a widow in January of this year. I was married for 35 1/2 years. It was and continues to be a strange feeling living without my love. Your emotions are very intense in the beginning and they do level off in time. No one can feel what you feel. Grief is so individual and varied, but I know how it feels to lose a husband. He's supposed to be here with me. My heart was settled early on because I recognized that if it was within his power, he would still be with me.

My support is tremendous with my friends and family. As I reflect on the feelings you expressed, I feel the intensity of your pain and I am so saddened. I hope that you have a close circle of friends and family to support you. I have found comfort in reading the Bible and getting comfort from the scriptures. I am especially comforted by Revelation 21:, 3, 4 and John 5:28, 29. I hope these verses instill a hope in you.

But please remember, be patient with yourself......

Christine, My husband passed away of a suden heart attack on the 6th. We had been married more than 29 years. I married him right after I graduated High School. We have four children over 23. I still can not believe it. We were planning our 30th anniversary trip. I still am lost but I have been surrounded by my loving family and friends. I do not know what I could have done without them. Tonight is the first night I will be by myself. I asked my younger daughter who is home from college to go to her bothers for New Years. I want to to have fun and I know I am going to have to learn to be by myself. She goes back to college on the 7th.
I am not sure how the last few weeks has passed but I have been busy taking care of business.
I guess I survived by staying busy and crying and hugging. I am taking one moment at a time and trying to take breaths. I let my kids know that If I just start crying to not take it personnaly that it is nothing they did, that I am just sad and they will have to get used to it for awhile. I am sorry to have met you this way but this looks like a good website that will help.

Christine,
I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my husband on Nov 3rd, 2012 suddenly and unexpectedly. Like you I struggle with the horrible thoughts of what will never be again. But thanks to the help of this website and the wonderful spport here I am learning to stop thinking about long term and just trying to take it one day at a time. Be gentle with yourself, come here often someone will always be here to help. Northernwidow said it right, if it were in his power, he would still be there with you. Love and hugs for you

"My life has stopped but everyone else continues to live." You summed it up in that sentence. The pain is so had to describe but it will help to talk to others on this site who have been through this. It's a waste of time explaining yourself to others who have not lost a spouse. Remember, we do understand and we care.
I love this quote posted previously by lady101.........
"When it seems that our sorrow is too great to be borne let us think of the great family of the heavyhearted into which our grief has given us entrance, and inevitably we will feel about us their arms, their sympathy, their understanding." Helen Keller

I know exactly how you feel *hugs* I lost my husband in October and I still cry all the time.... I still miss him so much it's unbearable... It helps me a little to get it all out. I hope it will help you a little to come here & vent.