Yes, I can agree with that,I have my 2 kids (22 and 15) When my husband died on aug 1,2011 I ended up giving up our home because there was no way I could keep it financially,but I didn't want to be in it anyway,way to painful.We moved into a small apartment in the next county and it was horrible but then I started looking for a trailer or something that I could afford and found a mobile for 500 a month,I do not feel the US in this place,it is a new life for us and although I would give anything to have the old life back,I can handle this atleast most of the time and I think alot of it has to do with that my husband was never in this place.I have noticed a change in my mood too for the better.

I couldn't agree with you more. At 8 months I sold our business which included our home, we lived where we worked. We were also in a very isolated area, beautiful, but definitely in the middle of nowhere! Every day there were reminders of him not coming back...his boots still at the back door, closet full of clothes, book on the nightstand, remodeling projects still in progress. I just couldn't bring myself to put anything away or clean anything out until the sale contract forced me to do so. The house had become a big empty shell.

I bought a small, cozy house 70 miles away where we had lived before, and where my older brother lives. It is my chance to start again. My reminders of him now are the good memories, not the empty chair.

I still miss him every day, and would have preferred to stay, but only if he were still there.

You ladies have no idea how timely this thread was for me. I had a horrible day today. Packing, crying, dreading the future, fear...the list is endless.

My husband died on October 20. That left me with no income. He was uninsurable -- I had to borrow the money from my sister to have Allie cremated and my other sister paid for his urn. I never saw Allie after they took him from the house because I didn't have the $300 for a viewing. Cremation horrifies me but I had no choice. Am thankful the idea didn't bother him or I could never live with it.

Once upon a time we owned homes and had good jobs, but that was before everything went south for us about 10 years ago. Our 401K was eaten away by the downturn in the economy and what was left was spent on medical for Allie. We had zero savings and were living on his social security checks (one he had coming from Australia and one from the US because he worked 20+ years in each country). Both of those stopped on a dime the moment he died. No money was forthcoming in November and rent was due. Borrowed $525 for rent from my brother. That tapped out all 3 siblings.

Anyway, so we were living in the bottom half of a historic home - a 2 bedroom apt. But I can't afford to stay. So I am having to pack and move almost 600 miles away to the town in which my mother lives; and where Alan and I lived for several years as well.

Once I get there everything has to go into storage. I am staying with my mother for the two weeks her apt. bldg. allows (she lives in senior housing). If I can't find a job in that two weeks I either have to go to Phoenix (have no idea how I'll get there - my car sure won't make it) to stay with my sister.

My heart has been pounding out of my chest all day. I know it's anxiety. My life may as well have stopped the day my darling died. And it should have - I'm 59, haven't worked in 10 years, typing was a big part of what I did for a living and my hands are so arthritic I type about 45 wpm now....and of course I have no money. Turned down by 'welfare' as not old enough, no kids, not disabled, not pregnant - I just don't qualify for any sort of help in the State of Ohio whatsoever. Funny thing is (or not so funny) - if Alan beat me, there'd be a place for me to go, but since he 'only' died, the state has no option for me. I don't have the will to go on, but apparently lying down and dying doesn't work.

Sorry about all that above - I guess I just needed to say it.

You give me a little bit of hope by telling me it worked for all of you to move. Maybe, just maybe I will be able to get a job in TN or AZ, and be able to support myself in a small way.

My mother, poor lady, wants us to put our money together and get a place together. She manages on $680 a month SS, but only because the senior housing only charges her $197 which includes her utilities. I am too 'young' to go into senior housing. Have to be 62 or disabled.

So as of Dec. 18 I am on the road to TN. Much trepidation but hey, could it get any worse? Sadly, prices for housing in the Nashville, TN area is MUCH MUCH more expensive than it is in this area of OH. I don't hold out much hope. I see myself hiding from my mother's landlord as I duck in and out of her building for a place to sleep at night and then hitchhiking with my corgi dog across country to Phoenix. That's a little dramatic I guess - we're not the type of people who break the rules so it's 2 weeks period at mom's and my family would never let me hitchhike - but then how to get more than 2,000 miles away economically in the winter is another problem.

I'm so glad moving worked out for you girls; even tho at the time it must have been the 2nd most gut wrenching thing you ever had to do.

Hoping things continue to get better for you all, Di

Hi Di,

Just wanted to tell you that I also moved and it was gut-wrenching at the time. Now I'm glad I got a new start, although it was difficult at first. It's nice to be in a place that holds no old memories, and to be known by no one. I moved from the north to the south so I've had to learn a lot of new cultural things, but it's been fun. I may be further along than you in my grief journey (over two years), and that does help.

Just remember to breath and to think of it as an adventure. Be open to people helping you. It sounds like you have a lot of uncertainty to deal with, but just take baby steps. Life is in the day to day, and we can each handle that day before we go on to the next.

I'm so sorry that your financial state has left you with so much insecurity about the future. That is indeed a hard place to be. You sound very strong and capable, so I'm betting that you will eventually be okay. Please know that you have people rooting for you right here at DS. Hugs, Amy

I'm glad you posted that, because it is on my mind. Every time I travel to another city, I feel a burst of energy discovering new things and discovering new self, feeling like a kid again seeing life endless possibilities.
I love our house, it was my dream to have a beautiful architecture, and huge windows, serene view of he green trees around. We planted roses, and lots of trees, we loved doing all that. But I m concerned that continue living here will not be good in the future. I'm always in my past here, all my memories, my emotinal fibers connected to him. When I am done with my final research at he university, I am moving. I want to see if I still got it in me, to make a huge strides, reconnect with life as individual. Thanks for the message, it is inspiring.

I moved after Frank passed away.

I put the hosue on the market and purchased a brand new one for myself in the town I work in. I was driving an 80 miles round trip to work and moving made sense for me at the time. Plus, I simply could not bear to be in the house without him.

It was the best decision I have made! It released me from some of the pain of staying in the house and missing him. I know that this is not the same for everyone..but it was for me. I have a smaller house that I can take care of and am very happy in it.

This is also a timely entry for me. I have committed to purchasing and moving into a new 'active adult' community. I am excited but scared at the same time. The problem for me was just keeping up with the maintenance on the outside of our home. With the recent hurricane and flooding, and then snow and wind storms in October it crystallized for me the need to get out from under that burden. IF I can sell our beautiful home in this incredibly bad market, my financials will improve as well. There are wonderful memories here, but there are some not so great ones too. This is where he was ill and where he passed away. I want to go, I think it is the right thing to do, and yesterday I met an old friend - also lost her husband, but years ago - and she DISCOURAGED me from making a move right now! She got me kind of upset. SHE has her daughter and son in law living next door, so there is no comparison. Anyway, what I need is encouragement, not platitudes about not doing anything drastic in the first year. Glad your move seems to be helping. That gives me hope too.
gloria

@Di, so much in your post I can relate to including the length of time you were married and the loss of income when my husband died. But I do have SS and widow's benefits were added. We did own a home but I could no longer make the payments and most of the equity was destroyed in our economy. But I was fortunate to have enough left to buy an older mobile home in a very nice senior community and moved last weekend. Your post made me realize just how fortunate I am so rather than dwelling on what I no longer have I am thankful for what I do have. Try looking for a job as an apartment manager or asst mgr & you get free housing and some income. I did that years ago when I had no money. Or maybe a live-in nanny or housekeeper. There are employment agencies that can help with that. My prayers go with you.

Not on a lot these days...but I agree...the move has beenvery positive for me.

((hugs))

Carla

After I lost my husband, I needed to move closer to my children. I rented another apartment in the same complex that we had once lived in. It was the best thing I could have done. Although I miss a few things that I left behind, I am as content as I can be and am pleased to be able to see my family more frequently. Nerfmom

Di, such a blessing you have in your family. On the job front, I would consider sales or retrain for something medical. One thing you have in your favor is that it is only a few months and you can collect SS widow's benifits. At least for the US one. Maybe you can check on the other one and find out if you're eligible to collect on that one as well.

I was also going to tell Di she could collect at 60. And your husbands age is what matters...if he was already 60 you may be able to collect NOW. I know that is how it worked for my mother. She did not want to start collecting yet so she waited 5 years years until the time my father would have been 68...and she was able to collect at her age an amount based on His age.

So, if he was older than you check into collecting now if you need to.

Tru, I am unsure about responding in this thread because I feel like I hijacked yours. I'm sorry I went on and on about myself last night (or in the early hours of the morning - was up til 6 a.m. so not sure).

I am going to start another thread so that people looking for assurance don't get bogged down in my problems. Again, thanks for starting this discussion.

I moved a month and half after my husband died. I had two weeks to pack and go to the next place. I think it was the best decision I made. I had a lot of memories in the old place, 16 years worth of memories. I think I would be more emotional if we stayed in the old place. Besides my kids wanted to move on. I have a new start and the kids picked out this house. So I call it their home. I feel this was the best thing.

In my situation, moving is the worse thing that I could have done. Now I know why they say to wait a year or two before you make any major decisions.

I sure am glad I stayed planted in our home.