Dear lostmyheart, wait at least a year before making any big decisions. Take care of you right now grieving takes a lot out us and easy to make the wrong choices when our heads are in widows fog.
I've been in our house for 33 years, I have a big yard and home but I'm staying put, because I have good family and neighbors around me. I know it gets lonely we were married fifty years. I miss Us. the most. You'll know when the time is right whether to stay or sell.
It's been two years since Dennis passed suddenly in his sleep and I found him. It does get better believe me. Take your time..
Peace and hugs..Gail..;)

Sorry to hear of your loss. My husband and I were married 20 years, lived in our house for 15 years and he died in the house in March of this year. I found it too hard to continue living in the house. My husband died in our guest room as that was where we set up his hospital bed. I really do not go in that room and neither do my children. My kids are teenagers and even though they have never said anything about being uncomfortable in the house I sense they are. Also, there are just too many memoires, and no matter how much stuff I get rid of it still feels like something is missing. I decided it was best for me to sell. The fact that my whole family lives 3,000 miles away made the decision easier. Besides a few friends the only family I have here are my kids. I bought a house a few miles from my sibling which is currently in escrow. My house goes on the market this weekend. Luckily I have some equity in the house. Maybe you should just look at your options; if you can’t sell maybe you can rent it out. For myself I am downsizing. Maybe you can move in with one of your kids for a while. It is a hard decision to make so take your time. I looked at a number of houses till I found one that felt “right”, we saw prettier houses but even my kids felt the connection. When you are ready you will know it. I know all the books say you should not make any major moves for the first year but I feel you have to do what is right for you. You are now in charge of your happiness. Good Luck!

Hi lostmyheart,

I send you my utmost condolences.

This is a very common question you ask, and there are many useful suggestions to consider. You have adult children living outside of the home and their feelings are important to consider, so unselfish of you, because, as they have lasting memories, this is something equally important. Planning to leave or go has to be an acceptable one for all of you, yet mostly for you. Because you do mention that you really like the house and you really must consider the financial load of carrying a sole mortgage. So changing anything absolutely links your own choice as the first one in line.

Things in which you may consider are cosmetic home transforming designs, such as rearranging the furniture, or trying out different paint colors, adding new fixtures, re-purposing family areas, new landscaping and you should be able to add your own thoughts to the list of these ideas. And asking the adult children to help you is a good idea, at the most this way may encourage them to help out with these changes. Personalizing with their own ideas will bring in new feelings about the house, makes it feel as fresh to them. Distracting will be a good thing to use as a tool for the purpose of replacing the sad ones with healthy emotions, and this idea of change is a comfort as you each work closely towards making improvements or relative changes to the family home.

I've known people who simply just wanted to shift the sleeping arrangements, going from a shared bedroom with the departed, to another location within the family home. However, and very often, a family loss brings about this memoriam image, which appears as sad feelings connected within and around the entire home, and thus the home atmosphere brings about unwanted melancholy feelings. Natural to want to flee. Then if you really like the house, it may be better for you to stay and face-off with the unpredictable sadness, which does get better over an acceptable course of time. And as for your other family, well, they're probably not there very often anyway. For the time being, it may be a good idea to visit together at another family members home, or meet at a mutual place of comfort away from your home, for a while, at least. And later, after strong emotions subside or calm down, hopefully, your children may then be happy that you decided to keep your home. Nonetheless, you must do what's in the best interest of your own needs.

Best to you,
Remiah

Lostmyheart so sorry you/we have to make these tough decisions. My husband died in February of this year almost at the 6 month mark. My children also have a hard time coming home. They both live a few hours away so visiting does not happen as often as I would like. I have not done anything major but little things like rearranging the furniture and getting rid of his chair. ( after he died no one would sit in it and he did not even die there. I think it was just the thought of it was his) I also have added a little color with pillows and such. My daughter was here last weekend and she mentioned that it was getting a little easier each time she comes home. Financially I would have sold my house the following week and moved closer to my children. I have been told many times to hold off on major decisions for at least a year. Please do what is best for you. Take care Kim

Keep the house but go out more and do things with the kids when they come. If you can stand living there that's what counts. People avoid pain more than they seek out pleasure though...

Hi, yes, I am sort of in the same situation. We were married for 31 years and lived in this house for 8 years. And even though he died in this house, I still like the house. More to the point, I can afford it and I have nice neighbors and I am not sure I want to move. One of my sons wants me to move closer to him and his kids (he is divorced from the kid's mom and really can't move if he wants to see his kids on a regular basis). And while I can see many advantages to moving closer to him, I am not sure if that is truly what I want to do. I have a good job, etc., etc. My life is right here. I don't know exactly what to do either but I have decided I am not going anywhere until I am sure it is the right decision for me................not for my kids or grandkids, but for me.

Sylvia

So if you kids can't go there why would you feel like you want to stay? I can't stay in my house. I left immediately. I went back to pack stuff and it was terrible. I would expect him to come in from walking the dogs or see him setting in his chair watching tv with me. None of that was going to happen. Do what you want but I feel much better out of the house.

My husband and I were married 13 years. He bought this house when we were newlyweds and we have been living here since until his death 4 months ago. I was also thinking of selling and moving closer to my parents but decided not to at least for a few more years. Thinking about him and all the memories of him in this house hurts so bad but I know that he would have wanted us to stay in this house. Last year, out of the blue he told me that should something happen to him, he wanted me to use the life insurance money to pay off this house as he wanted us to have a house we could live in and not worry about being homeless. Of course at that time I was not taking him seriously but looking at it now maybe that was his way of preparing me for what's to come. It's also impractical for me to go look for another house at this time as house prices have gone up quite considerably where I am and I could not afford another 30 year mortgage. So for now, my plan is to live here with my growing kids. In the future, when they are adults and move out I might rethink about selling again.

I lost my husband of 42 years one month ago today...we were planning on selling this house and building on property we own, so I am prepared to sell this and go ahead and build