I feel the same way although I don't think it's good. I don't want to push it, will let god decide. My wife's been gone 6 weeks and I thought of joining her but then I thought she would not like that but the thought of death does not scare me anymore.

In the early out of my mind weeks after my husband died, I contemplated suicide, wrote out a new will. Knowing where the riptides are on the island, I could do this without worry of coming back hurt, but not dead. I became excited with the thought of joining him. The thought still tiptoes in my imagination as a solution. I talk to dead people more than I do the living. When I was ready to implement my plan, I started thinking about what a sin this is in most religions; what if because of this sacrilege I never saw my husband again, it slowed me down.
I'm not afraid of death, I can embrace it, but I believe we have a purpose in life, which I haven't fulfilled. I pray that God helps me with the task, so I can go home.

Yeah, suicide is considered the willful destruction of life which is against most religions view of acceptable behavior.

However, none of us can know what is in another's heart and God is the one that will judge what is acceptable.

I have posted this a few times. We are still alive and as horrible as losing a loved one is, they would want us to put our remaining time to good use. I've had some very good moments in my life after it was devastated by my daughter dying. You don't want to miss anything that you don't have to....

Bob

I am totally ready to die when I am called. That to me is a opportunity to be reunited with my soulmate. In the meantime I plan to embrace life because to me the time we have here is a blessing our spouses didnt get the opportunity to enjoy. I think your feelings are totally normal. Gerald

The weeks after my husband's passing, I laid in bed waiting, hoping, for death to come take me too. I did not care if I lived or died.

It's been abt a year now, and I no longer feel that way. I don't know if I fear death, yet I don't want to rush it. I try focusing on getting a life for myself.

I think this is normal. 2 months after my boyfriends suicide I am not afraid of death anymore. At the same time, I know that I have a whole life ahead of me at 24 that will bring much more happiness than grief and loss. But I do know that someday, I will see him again.

I had those thought so many times early on just wanted the pain to end. But I have kids and grand kids who have been through enough so for them I carry on the best I can. I am no longer afraid of death but I would prefer it to be natural and painless. I agree the thought probably is a normal reaction to our loss!

There is nothing to fear in death, but suicide is NOT an option. Although we are going through a tough time. we are still on this earth because we have not yet run our race. Our time will come to join those we love, but until then let us do nothing to shame them. I want to be met with joy when I go home, and my own soul needs to know that I did the best I could, I would like the same for us all, xxxxxxxxxxxx

Couldn't have said it better than Barbrame we're still here for a reason, I think we all have had those thoughts, sometimes the task of going on is too daunting to consider, time does make a difference. I also hope and pray that God will guide me in what my new path will be.
Best to you,
Jeff

I have learned a lesson tonight. I am at 11 weeks. I cannot believe that I am going to go through the holidays and my 25th anniversary alone. I too no longer fear death, and like some of you did in your early weeks, I pray that I have done what I have come here to do and that my time is sooner rather than later. I can't believe my husband is gone and I pray that my time is soon behind him. I told my mother this evening how I felt and she freaked out. I am NOT suicidal. I am not going to take my own life...but I would welcome being reunited with my husband. She does not understand that and tells me how much that hurts her. I read on other posts that we should not talk about certain things outside this group. I can't agree more now....me and my big mouth!

Here in western society, death is the enemy and seen as totally separated from being a part of life. As a very young person I simply put it out of mind; it was something scary that happened to other people. Then the grim reaper gradually crept closer; first it was my grandparents, then a classmate, co-worker, friends, parents, then finally my own spouse. Death is inevitable, just the timing that is uncertain. We never know, and if we lived each day as if it were our last just think how much we'd accomplish!

As we get older and gain experience and wisdom on the subject our concepts of it change. I do not fear it nearly as much anymore. Our spirit is immortal, and when freed by death from this physical life that is fraught with complications and suffering it moves on to the next plane of existence.

A few days after my husband died unexpectantly, I told my daughter I was no longer afraid of dying. The reason is I will be with my husband again. For now, I have a lot of living to do. I want to keep putting one foot in front of the other and live in the present. Take good care.....Patricia

I have never been afraid of dying After a car accident when I 18. Was pronounced dead twice at the scene. I was informed, I had things to do here on earth.

I "used" to love going to cemeteries, I hung out there .Never scared me. So much so, that I started doing family trees. But since my husband died, I am uncomfortable going to any. Kind of freaks me out to see my name on the stone. I wonder why the change?

I am not afraid of death either, never have been, as far as I recall; however, I am afraid of ill health.

Right after the totally unexpected death of my husband and before I found DS, my mind was mildly unstable and most unclear and like most of us here, suicide was appealing but thinking of it I knew I would not have carried it through. Not for religious reasons but to honour my husband with a, hopefully, fruitful and happy life sometime in the future and not to create further distress to my daughters.

I know my husband was not ready or willing to go but fate decided otherwise and I do feel I should not waste my time in this life with destructive thoughts. But admittedly, it did cross my mind.

I hope you find peace.

I too have thought about suicide but it sort of sits in the back of my mind. I know this would not be what my husband would want. So I have tried really hard to keep plugging along. I try to keep busy, but lately have realized that I'm really running from the horror of it all. He died a slow degrading death and we were very close, like two peas in a pod. I miss him so and feel so lonely inside most of the time. But sometimes I honestly get so tired of the running, but if I stop I don't know what would happen. I know I'm a big chicken. I also don't fear death at all, but hope my time is near. I'm 66. It cant be that long can it?