I have never feared dying as I know Jesus and heaven wait me when I do. But I was never ready for it but I am now. I could die or Jesus could return...either way would be fine with me. Although I no longer want to be here, I am very aware the timing is not my choice but God's. I have not contemplated suicide but I certainly have asked God to take me home. Wishing you all peace. Hugs.

I totally understand the feelings of "wishing" we could join our love ones in death is fairly common in the stages of grief. I also felt a desire to be "taken" for a lengthy time after his death. Never considered ending my own life because of religious beliefs, but definitely didn't want to continue here without him. I had lost hope in life ever having meaning for me again.

It's now been over 6 years since that horrible day. I am so glad to be alive. When it's my time to leave this physical plain I have no fear. I welcome the beautiful future for my soul. But I have transformed by the experience of grief. I see life different now and although the trip here was grueling, there are rewards as we travel through.

I never imagined I would be okay without my husband, but I am. Partly because I am aware of my husband's presence in my life. Also because the sky in bluer, the clouds more amazing, the flowers sweet smell is more intoxicating and living is rewarding again.

Don't lose the opportunity to grasp the other side of loss where what remains has a more intense meaning. Sharon

From the experience I've had, It's not the actual dying I'm afraid of, it's the getting there that concerns me.

George

I understand and have the same feeling about dying. At first I was very tempted to help the process along. Now I am willing to accept that for some reason I am still here. However, if a huge rock was going to fall on me and kill me instantly I sure would not move out of its way.
Thank you for sharing your feelings and thoughts.

I feel the same way too. I'm careful not to tell other's, though, because they think it means I'm suicidal. I often site that bible quote, paraphrased, To be absent in the flesh is to be present with the Lord.

Not sure which scripture. To me it's a sign of great faith in our Lord in Heaven. We really know that Heaven exists. Why wouldn't we want to go somewhere where the love of our life is and family and friend who's gone before us? Why wouldn't we want to go somewhere where there is no pain or fear, where we live in perfect harmony? Why wouldn't we want to go somewhere that as Christians we've spent our life looking forward to?

So, there is nothing wrong with getting happy about Heaven.

In the early couple of months, I considered whether suicide was an option. The pain of losing Cliff and all the trauma of it, and the immense feeling of being overwhelmed at having to now do his job as well as my own as a parent, I didn't think I could stand it. But I knew I had to. A fellow DSer once wrote here that "Strong is what you are when strong is your only choice." Ain't that the truth! So I took precautions and didn't let my mind stray too far into that dark zone. My doctor had given me a prescription for sleeping pills as I was not sleeping - I did not get the prescription filled - I thought it might get too tempting to go to sleep and never wake up. Friends wanted me to get a gun for protection - nope - didn't want it in the house in case I faltered. Yes, I actually weighed these things.

I am glad I fought my way through it. I am glad I did not miss all the things life still had in store for me. I would have missed so very much.

There is still so much goodness and happiness here. Yes, there may be a paradise waiting for us, but I am reminded of that saying that "Every day is a gift - that's why it's called the 'present.'" I am trying to be more mindful of all the gifts God has sent my way - seems like it would be rude to do otherwise - like not saying 'thank you' - and I do have trouble with it, but I am trying.

I watched my mother sit on her butt and wait to join Daddy in heaven - for 14 years. Momma was a good Christian lady and knew Daddy would be there on the other side. She could have lived so much in those 14 years. I am pretty sure Daddy would not have wanted her to be like that. It did nothing to honor his memory. Knowing Daddy, he probably gave her a talking to when she got there! There was much she could have done that she did not, and it impacted those of us left behind.

Do I fear death? Yes - absolutely - not because of what may be waiting on the other side, but simply because I know I am not done yet here. I still have a lot to get accomplished, and I want to get it done before I go so that the people I love that are still here have an easier time of it. My husband died at 55 totally unexpectedly - I have already outlived him as I'm 56. I have to make the most of whatever time I have left.

I think my thoughts mirror a lot of what Sharon has said. Perhaps because we are both a lot farther down the road than most. My faith brings me strength to keep going, but I do know I need to keep going - I'm still here for some reason.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I was never "ready" to die but since my husband's death I'm a lot more ready and actually look forward to the next step. (I'd never voice this thought except in a safe place such as this site.)

For now, I do not want to put my kids through more loss anytime soon.... and so it is my hope that I will stick around for a good while.

I have learned to embrace the sacred ache. It's my longing to go home. yahoo :)