Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Hi,
As someone new to this group I am hoping to get some advice. My husband died suddenly in April of 2013 at the age of 54 (I was 49). He was a dedicated family man, amazing husband, father, brother, son and friend...loved and respected by everyone.
It was a privilege for me to be able to stay at home for the past two decades, raise our three children (now 26, 24 and 18 years old) together with my husband and take care of our family's daily needs, something I am still able to do. I have been a devoted wife, mother, daughter and sister to my family and my in laws.
In 2014 (after 9 months) I met someone that I truly enjoy spending time with. He has similar values, is very dedicated to his own family and has had the utmost respect for my situation and the boundaries I have had in place. My kids are supportive and see that I have found some happiness while I try to move forward (which is very different from moving on) with my life. They know I will never get over or forget their father.
I chose not to share information about this new relationship with my mother in law...partially because I knew she would be critical/judgmental and partially because I didn't think she would be able to emotionally handle it. She is 79 and understandably has had more grief than one should bear. I continued to be involved with the family but to a lesser degree over the past months. How does one tell their deceased husband's family that she has found someone new that she is spending time with?
Recently my in laws learned of my new relationship and I wasn't prepared for their reaction. They are now questioning my love for my deceased husband and have cut most communication with me. I wonder if this is something that would have inevitably happened... My mother in law has voiced her disapproval to my eldest son, even criticizing the funeral arrangements we had all planned together because there was no formal receiving line and not everyone knew who she was. It was my children's request that we did not have a receiving line and I respected that. It was a very large funeral tribute planned with class and respect. It was a beautiful celebration planned at a time when we were all devastated. I cannot tell you how deeply this particular criticism hurts when I honestly would not change a thing about that day aside from the reason for it.
It is very difficult to understand how I can lose my husband and then later the people I considered family for the past 30 years because I am trying to find some happiness in my life.
Thank you for any guidance or wisdom you can provide.
As someone new to this group I am hoping to get some advice. My husband died suddenly in April of 2013 at the age of 54 (I was 49). He was a dedicated family man, amazing husband, father, brother, son and friend...loved and respected by everyone.
It was a privilege for me to be able to stay at home for the past two decades, raise our three children (now 26, 24 and 18 years old) together with my husband and take care of our family's daily needs, something I am still able to do. I have been a devoted wife, mother, daughter and sister to my family and my in laws.
In 2014 (after 9 months) I met someone that I truly enjoy spending time with. He has similar values, is very dedicated to his own family and has had the utmost respect for my situation and the boundaries I have had in place. My kids are supportive and see that I have found some happiness while I try to move forward (which is very different from moving on) with my life. They know I will never get over or forget their father.
I chose not to share information about this new relationship with my mother in law...partially because I knew she would be critical/judgmental and partially because I didn't think she would be able to emotionally handle it. She is 79 and understandably has had more grief than one should bear. I continued to be involved with the family but to a lesser degree over the past months. How does one tell their deceased husband's family that she has found someone new that she is spending time with?
Recently my in laws learned of my new relationship and I wasn't prepared for their reaction. They are now questioning my love for my deceased husband and have cut most communication with me. I wonder if this is something that would have inevitably happened... My mother in law has voiced her disapproval to my eldest son, even criticizing the funeral arrangements we had all planned together because there was no formal receiving line and not everyone knew who she was. It was my children's request that we did not have a receiving line and I respected that. It was a very large funeral tribute planned with class and respect. It was a beautiful celebration planned at a time when we were all devastated. I cannot tell you how deeply this particular criticism hurts when I honestly would not change a thing about that day aside from the reason for it.
It is very difficult to understand how I can lose my husband and then later the people I considered family for the past 30 years because I am trying to find some happiness in my life.
Thank you for any guidance or wisdom you can provide.
I am glad that my counselor advised against approaching my in-laws because I have a feeling it would have been a similar outcome. A large part of me hopes that I never have to encounter them again. I just don't feel that I can any longer trust them since they were so very callous when I was so vulnerable.
I hope that you are able to find a resolution soon that brings you peace. You don't deserve this added burden.
Dianne
My journey is similar to yours with the exception that my husband and I did not have children. What you are experiencing with your in-laws is displaced anger (grieving).My in-laws were very critical of my husband's funeral, obituary, etc. This is their way of expressing grief, do not take it personally! You are a grown woman and do not need to ask permission to date or fall in love again. My husband had a terminal disease and we spent his final days sharing, loving and enjoying each other and I am grateful for our time together. My husband's final words to me, "Live your life, enjoy and remember, I will always be with you". So I say to you, live your life, enjoy and remember your husband will always be with you!
I have tried to bridge the differences, like you, and neither of us have any control over other people and their actions. Sharon