It's been 2 years and 8 days. Nothing seems to help for the long term. I have some good hours but I get right back down in that pit again. I seem to have lost the self confidence, the ability to make decisions and only get out of bed because I have to go to work. When does the physical pain ever stop? I was married at 19 and we were married for 36 years. I miss him so much. It's not fair.

I'm at a little over two years and I can't say the loneliness has gone away. It's not as intense as it was in the beginning--but I do feel the loneliness especially in the evenings when we would have been together. I miss him still, very much, but I also am able to function and be content where I am most of the time. I still work full time, have kids and grandkids that keep me busy--so thankfully I'm not alone all the time--but I think there will always be those moments and hours when there is no one but me and the loneliness creeps in. I try to use that time to reflect now--and somehow I feel like I can connect to him better now than in the beginning. I'm lonely at times but I'm also much much more content than I was in the first months--some would call it resignation I guess--I think I'm just more able to accept what has happened and where I am now. I may not like it but I can live with it and be comfortable and content for all intents and purposes--and I'm trying to look forward to whatever I was left here for. Hope that makes sense.
Wanda

Even with family and friends around, I still feel lonely for George. I might not be alone, but I am still lonely, but just for him. It has got easier to deal with that with time but some of it has not changed at all. It has been 31 months now for me since loosing him. At least it has got some easier. I don't cry as much as I used to, but I still miss him.

Hugs, Jo

I am new but Diana's post was very good. I did a lot of rebuilding the first year and took a wonderful 7 week trip visiting friends in Australia and New Zealand in Feb. & March. But when I came home the grief has been terrible. The house is so empty and quiet and the realization of being really alone now hit hard. I also feel my friends have abandoned me, mostly couples, the phone is quiet and I feel I almost have to beg people to do things. I feel so very alone and I realize I was on a real high and I knew there would be some of this but I didn't know how bad it was going to be. I feel almost sick inside. Am also dealing with if I should move, where to go if I did and just what is left of my life. I'm an active person and like to be around people but I am so down I am having a hard time being motivated to do anything. I'm sorry to be so negative but I just want to put my true feelings down.

my husband of 21 years died 5 weeks ago from a snowmobile accident so my lonliness is new and constant. Diana's words were comforting and so true. I have been forced on this journey and at times I wonder how I'm getting thru this and my answer is I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and go...everything is a first for me and will be for a while, that I know...the day is the hardest for me, I look around and see him every where, I look forward to the night, when it gets dark and I don't have to see, but the morning keeps coming, so I get up when I wake up and go, even when I have no where to go, I walk, I call/email a friend who understands and cry if I need to, and I have done some sobbing, waling in my yard...and I wait for tomorrow. some mornings I have to really pound the positive thoughts cause they don't want to come, but I keep trying, waiting for that better day every one keeps talking about...I know it's there, I do see some light...other peoples stories have helped me, knowing I'm not alone has helped me and having faith in God has helped me. I send you prayers and love, from one human being to another, we will get to the other side of grief, I have faith. God bless you...be kind to yourself

I've never been lonely in my life. I'm an only child and an introvert, so being alone is something I'm used to. Never thought much about it until I became a widow and realized how horrible it is for people who are not used to being alone.

For me being in a crowd is far worse. I couldn't stand it. I read in a book that it's all about being an introvert vs an extrovert. The extravert tends to enjoy crowds and hates being alone, whereas the introvert would find it uncomfortable to be in a situation where there are people around all the time.

For me, when I wasn't crying, kicking or screaming my mind was taking me to scarey places. Ugh! -

The loneliness goes away after you have learned to live w/out your spouse. Your body will tell you when it has been fully internalized -

Mind over matter does not work. Death is not a matter, it is a fact of life that cannot be changed; a person can only learn to live with it to heal. So, please disregard that type of advice -

Everyone's life purpose is to learn from our experiences & live them out. It is your time to live out your grief, to make sense of your loss, to work toward accepting the changes life has brought you -

For many people it takes a lifetime to learn how to take care of ourself - to be true & loving w/#1, to be happy. Before Bob died, I was more concerned about other people & caring for them. I've learned my first priority is taking care of myself - the major benefit is in the ability to better cope, enjoy my own company & the quiet -

Know that the answers to your questions (passing thoughts) will be answered or resolved as you heal.

Hope this will help in your journey -

*HUGS*

I remember the 4th of July, four months after my husband's death. The moon was full and there were warm breezes. I was so lonely. I went out walking, heard some laughter in a frontyard party and walked up and joined them! Didn't even know them. But they were so kind - sat me down and gave me a glass of wine and listened when I told them I was a new widow. I will be forever grateful. I got through that night and now I reach out to my widowed friends whenever I can. It can be so hard to get through those first few months.

It does help to read that others who have been dealing this for 2 years and more still have trouble with the loneliness. I seem to be getting worse instead of better. I just can't find a direction to go. I am retired so have lots of time. I live rural so there aren't a lot of options of things to do, except to volunteer. I have mixed emotions about it as I don't seem to have the energy to know what kind of volunteering to do. Any suggestions from anyone? It is so hard to know a direction for my life, it is so empty. There are people worse off than me but knowing that doesn't seem to pull me up either. I am just so empty and so very lonely.

Being lonely is hard to come to terms with, when you haven't faced it before. After 14 months I can say now when I feel alone I know I'm not alone, if you want to look at it in a religious way. It has helped me in alot of ways!

I think the alone part is the loneliness part.

At 2 yrs 8 months I find rebuilding my life to become ME when I was ready helps. I get busy with what needs to be done - has to be done whether I want to do it or not and allll of it helps. Friends and family I find I get to doing more things with them, getting out to more functions than before and STILL at times being there as just ME is lonely.

Handling the loneliness I just deal with it when I am feeling it.
I think it does not feel as bad further along you move on but darn it...what do ya do??? Hugs

Diana's analogy was perfect, so beautifully put. I love analogies as they put into words and mental pictures situations that quite often cannot be explained literally. The house she describes has many pieces and parts of the loved one. The love shared is the mortar that holds the pieces together and remains strong in it.

Loneliness? Only for him. Quietude is okay and bearable for me, but I do miss his presence. I don't consider myself lonely although I am alone the vast majority of time. Problem for me is it gives me too much thinking time. So I stay busy.

Here is my analogy.......when I was married to my dear husband and enjoying a wonderful life together, we were on the rooftop of a two story house. It was great up there! So beautiful! After he was gone, I found myself in the cold dark basement of the house. It took a long time to climb the stairs and get to the first floor - the beginning of healing. Then I started to climb the stairs to get to the top floor - I am not there yet, still climbing. I know for a fact that I will never get to the rooftop again, but that is okay. I was there once and it was grand. If I can just get upstairs to the next level, I will have achieved some peace and a decent, yet different life.
Good luck to all of us in our solitary journey.

I am at a little over three years, and I find loneliness to be the hardest part of being a widow. I can cope with work, bills, household chores, etc.; but I miss so much that "special someone." This house, at times, seems so big and empty. When I am feeling engulfed with loneliness, I try and get busy doing something to get my mind off the fact that I am alone; and this is my new life that I did not choose.
Roxanne

No. I'm at 7 months since I lost my wife and I am experiencing loneliness still. I don't think it will ever be different for me.

Hi, I beieve the loneliness doesn't go away it just gets different! Just my opinion... Blessings!