Yes, it does get easier. I am at 24 months now, and I am in awe at how far I have come. I still have my bad times, and the depression does creep back in, but counseling (Christian) has been a huge benefit for me, plus putting my utmost faith back in God.

Do not put any pressures on yourself, or take the "well-meaning" advice of others. You need to do what you feel is best for you, not someone else. I am blessed to have good friends and family, that are willing to listen when I need to unload. And, of course, a good quiet walk with God and crying if necessary.

I was comforted by Joely's post, who is over 3 years out now. It gives me hope, and less fear.

Time doesn't heal anything, you just learn to live with the loss and create a new normal in your life. I am so sorry to hear of your pain and as so many have expressed "we know it well". My Billy passed away one year ago today of the same cancer RCC. However, it was only five weeks from diagnosis. When I read how your husband was at home and in your arms, I thought what a sweet memory you have and wished I shared a similar experience. In this past year, I went through 3 sessions of grief share - it helped to be around others on the same journey. I have joined Bible studies, hiking and biking groups. Forcing myself to get out and do things has helped in making new friends, getting through the day and feeling like I'm still a part of the world. For most of us life stops and you see people in their happy lives and you wonder how life can go on. When you lose a spouse, you are broken hearted and because you loved them, they deserve your tears.