For me... and I only speak for me....it doesn't get better.... It gets "Different"!Blessings!

I am so sorry for your loss and yes you will learn to live again. Be patient with yourself and be kind. Expect the tears. They are okay and will release the strain. Expect feeling so tired yet unable to sleep it is all part of working through the grief. Come often and share, it was four years this past June that I lost my husband and highschool sweetheart. I survived althought I often thought i would not. We are here to help and support. Sharon

I am so sorry that you too have to go through the hell of losing the love of your life. Yes it does get better. Not how we think it will though. It takes the crumbling of the life as we knew it and the falling apart, and the putting one foot in front of the other and taking one baby step and then another "through the ruins." Then we rebuild our lives one brick at a time. There is no magic day that life gets all better. One day color returns to our world. One day we feel our heart move when a baby smiles. One day we feel the warmth once more of the sun shining on us. It is all so foreign at first to us without the one that completed us so we feel it, then we cry once more...then one day we choose to allow life to continue and we realize that we are living once more. It takes grieving over lots and lots of time and it is so so very hard. Sending you many many virtual hugs. -Diana

It does get better, not the same as it was before your loss, but better.
I hope you can find hope and comfort here as I have. Please know that your darling is still with you, in a different form. Come here often and tell us how it is going.

I am a recent widow, June 20. It is very hard. I still have a pity party of one. But I have reached out and joined a bereavement group. I'm also looking for new friends since the current ones don't understand my grief. They are uncomfortable when I start to cry which is hard to stifle. However I do have hopes that this will get better. My husband wouldn't want me to stay depressed for the rest of my life. It is a lonely journey to recovery and I'm looking forward to that end of the tunnel where the light is shining through.

After I lost my Stacey to a tragic accident last November 3rd, I found myself asking the same thing. "Will it get better?" A friend of mine, who is far wiser than I, had and answer that I hold onto everyday. She said, "It may not get better, but it WILL get smoother." The pain you feel now is sharp and raw. Something you feel every moment of your waking day. Over the next few months that will change. With time, and healing, the pain will become more of an ache. Something you won't feel all the time anymore. But here's the part I can't tell you, is when. That differs with each one of us. But it WILL get smoother...I promise.

My heart goes out to you, as this is the toughest thing you'll ever live through. It's gut-wrenching pain that seems never-ending, but it finally slows down to an almost unnoticeable pace. That's not to say that I don't have my bad times, tears unrelenting, but those times pass very quickly now. It's more of a release than anything else, I guess. I don't think I was well on my way to being really OK with everything for about two years. I hope that doesn't scare you, but it's important to remember that it is such a slow process; nonetheless, a process that must be experienced until you get through the dark forest of despair. To get to the other side and realize the strength you have gained, the confidence you will possess, the power of the faith you have witnessed, and so many other positive reinforcements of a new future for you will be worth the struggle. We survivors are more adaptable than what can even be imagined during the awful days of renewal.

Your pain is so raw right now, and it will take time to catch your breath as you stumble out of the haze you are living in right now. Even though you may not believe it, time will do its proper work and your pain will begin to subsidethank the Lord. It happens and even surprises us on that wonderful day when we get up and recognize that old friend called joy.

I will always miss my husband and loved him more dearly than life itself. We met when I was 14, married at 17, and on our 42nd anniversary he lay in a casket behind me at the funeral home. He is like an extension of me and vice versa. But life goes on whether or not we give it permission. We are faced with choices of how that new life will be lived. Write often and find comfort in the help here on DS. The people here are amazing. TJ

All these comments are so unbelievably helpful..Thank you all so much!

Does it get better? This is a different question for each of us. We all grieve differently. For me it is really no better than it was a few months ago when the first initial shock was over. It takes time to deal with your feelings and let it all sink in. Support is good if you have it. I don't and I find it hard to crawl out of the hole I am in. I wish you well.

Maggie

Hi CarolinaDi...when I read your post my heart cried...you see, my husband also died from RCC, diagnosed June of 2010 and he died Dec 3 2010...almost 6 months. So quick...
there are stiil times when I look at his pictures and think "are you really not coming back"...purely rhetorical, because I know he isn't coming back
(physically anyway)...
Yes, our last 6 months were a living hell...yet we had some of the greatest moments of our marriage (31 years) in that time- and those are the memories that are slowly making their way back to my mind...I'm not dwelling on the awful memories of hospital visits, operations, treatments and watching the final stages...butmore of the sweet times of just sitting and watching the birds outside or going for ice cream or just sitting on the sofa holding hands ,(uh-oh, that one got me, now I'm crying)...
well, it just goes to show you that some days are gonna be great, some will be okay, and some -well, you may not want to get out of bed.
It's all part of this thing called grief. None of us wanted to be here, but here we are. And this is a wonderful place to share. Hugs tonight as you continue to grieve...message me anytime if you want to talk. Peace, Jill

I am sad for you. My husband died on June 10th. I feel so lost, but I know that I will eventually feel better...so they say. It gives me hope.

I am so sorry for your loss. It will be 2 years for me this Friday that I lost my husband/ the love of my life.... in an accident. I still cry all the time...but it is better than it was...not the raw feelings. You will have ups and downs on this roller coaster...I hate it...but I have come to accept that this is part of the trip. Just know that your not alone. Take care and hang in there...hugs...Debbie

i am so sorry for your loss. i completely understand as i am going
through the same thing. i am wondering too when it gets better.
i am going through a book with a counselor called the grief recovery handbook and i am feeling hope for completion of the grieving process. i have a shrine to my husband in every room. i can't let go of anything. i still can't believe he is gone. when people ask me how am i doing. i reply, i am waiting for my husband to come home.
it is very hard to believe right now, i won't say it gets better, but things
change and i realize my husband would want me to live my life and be happy.

I am soooo sorry for your loss! I know that right now you are in such pain and actually are still in shock. I am glad you found DS though. It is a great place to come and read, journal, post, reply, vent, cry, etc. We all DO UNDERSTAND, cause, well, we've been there.

You've heard from several already and I know that makes you feel much better ~~ to realize that there are those who can understand and be here for you.

As far as "feeling better" ~~ it does happen, but only with TIME. Actually, I used to say "I don't know about better, but, life gets a little easier". Our heart, soul, and mind has to adjust to this terrible loss and it simply takes time for us to grieve. Everyone is unique, so grieving is different for each one, but, at the same time, there are many similarities in our grief.

Grief groups, journaling, reading books about widowhood, DS, praying, and even a counselor, are all tools to help you through this grief journey that you are now on. There will be days, especially the first year, when you do NOT want to get out of bed, or out of the house. If possible, just do that sometimes. Then, begin to make yourself get out -- just for a walk or to see the sunshine, smell the roses, feel the breeze on your face. Eventually, you will be able to be out more. (of course, if you are working, you have to be out).

This grief journey is filled with potholes and twists and turns, ups and downs -- or as we say "its a roller coaster ride". You will have some better days and some sadder days, and some 'in between' days. The grief wave, at this time, is hitting you with a great intensity. As time passes, the waves will become gentler, and only occasionally a huge wave of grief will hit, but, it will become further and further apart for those big ones.

It has been 3 yrs. & 7 months since my husband passed away suddenly from cardiac arrest. The grief waves have become much farther apart ~~ even more so than they were last year. The tears only pop up sporadically, usually close to "special days" now. That is a relief to me, since I've never been much of a cryer. (The first year I certainly could NOT say that, and much of the 2nd). Now, I smile at the memories much more than cry at them.

So, yes, it gets easier to live w/o my spouse, but, I will always remember him and love him, and miss him too. I've adjusted and the majority of us do~~ by learning to accept the changes that life has thrown at us ~~ even though we do NOT like them. Joy will return to your heart, just a different kind than you had with your spouse.

Hugs, Joely

I am so grateful for DS. Everyone, and I mean everyone's comments has helped me...Thank you all so much, I will certainly stay with this group.I look forward to getting to my PC to check the new entry's. It makes me feel peaceful when I read your comments. Thank you all so VERY much!...Diane