I am so sorry about your loss. My husband died on 9/14 in a 1 car accident. He was killed instantly. I was still asleep when the wreck happened. I never got to say goodbye. I know what you mean about he'll be walking in the door any minute. I feel that way all the time. I feel like he's at work and he'll be home eventually. I believe what you're going through is normal. I don't know how much you like your job, but try and focus on that during the day. Maybe find a support group to join (I'm in the process of trying to find one myself). I also recently got a book of short stories from widows, it's called "The Sisterhood of Widows" by Mary Francis. Sometimes it helps reading other people's experiences....that way you know your emotions are normal with others. Hang in there....sending hugs!

I am so sorry you have to go through this horrible experience. I lost my husband 17 days ago and I too hate this place in my life. I write down all my emotions that I can't share with others who don't and can't understand. The loneliness in indescribable. Weekends are the worst because that was OUR time. I give myself 2 task a day that I have to do. That way I have to shower and get dressed. I wish I still had a job. Anything to keep my mind busy. You are right, it doesn't seem real and you do expect that he will walk in the door just like every other night in the past and it breaks your heart all over when you know he won't. Sending hugs to you.

Me too. November 12th is 2 months. You are not weird. You are feeling everything I feel. We were married 40 years. He was my everything and now I am empty. I have to work but I’m not busy there right now. It would help. The hardest thing for me is waking up in the morning and having to relive the nightmare that he is gone. . I used to wake up happy. I only know that talking to someone who understands how we feel is the only thing that helps. We are not alone. It seems like there are too many of us. We never spent a night apart. I’m so lost but then I think about how my husband would want me to be. I’m trying hard. I have to try not to think about him every second. It’s a choice. I know if I do, I’ll just cry all the time. So I try not to until the mornings and right before bed. You can’t pretend all day but at least you can get through without horrific agony 24/7. I just feel for you because I am the same way. I just started on the site. I just wanted you to know that what you are experiencing is what I am too. I’m sorry. I wish I could help and I wish someone could help me too. But it will never be the same. I just hope it gets a little easier on us. Thinking of you and will pray for you as well. Please pray for me too.

Thank you all for the kind thoughts. I don't know if it will ever get better, I don't think so, for me anyway. He was my everything, now I'm just lost. I can't stand the thought of weekends anymore or anything really, we used to spend every free moment together. We just loved spending time together and now that's all I have, just empty free time. Nothing to fill it with. I hate this, and this life. What I wouldn't do to turn back time. I know that the only people who can get me thru this is you. You are the only ones who can relate to this kind of loss. No one else understands. This is the ultimate loss, ultimate. I'm just so devastated.

dogmama, I am so sorry that you and the others who have responded have lost the one person that you loved with all of your heart. I have no words of wisdom except that you will get through this excruciating pain. Come here as often as you need to and post your feelings; it does help because you will hear from others who understand and can relate to the extreme sense of loss that you are experiencing. Also, I found a grief support group for widows and widowers my first year, and I found it helpful to be among others who had lost their spouses. I can tell you that, even though you don't think it is possible, you will get through this terrible time in your life. Keep posting as you will find the support you need from some very caring people. Roxanne

Hello Shell. I just past the six month mark a week ago. People say I am strong...I say I am good at faking it. :) I miss my husband with my whole being. We were married 40 years...the 20th of this month would have been 41. This has been the most difficult struggle of my life. I do have days that I can find joy and accomplishment. Other days, I just survive. The severe deep pain has subsided to a tolerable point for the most part. The next two months will really put me to the test. They are full of days - our two son's birthdays, our anniversary, our granddaughter's birthday, and, of course, Thanksgiving and Christmas. He loved Christmas with our children and grandchildren. And, he was the life of the party. They all loved him. I'm a survivor...I know I will survive. Not because I want to, but because I know it is what he would want.

I wish I could give you a real hug shell. I truly understand how you feel. My husband passed away on Aug 17 of this year. He was ill for a long time, and I thought it was so hard during that time. But, this is even harder. Living without him is the hardest thing I have ever been through. Each day is a struggle. Some days are better than others, but I just feel like life is over and that I will just be existing from now on. I have faith in God and that is what I’m clinging to. God bless you and help you each and every day....Linda

You're not alone. It will be one month for me this Thursday. My husband passed very suddenly as well. It was like any other day, he was coming to pick me up from work and he just never showed up. My friend came to get me and we went looking for him and then suddenly we saw his motorcycle on the side of the road. I keep having flashbacks to that horrible day and the police officer's words "he didn't make it." It felt like someone shot me right in the heart and ever since I've been really sad and depressed. And like you said I hate this life. We had just celebrated our one year anniversary the day before. There were so many things we didn't get to do. Nothing makes sense and I'm angry. I am so very angry. Even simple things like showering seem like it takes all my energy. I don't enjoy things I used to because what's the point if I can't share it with him? The only motivation I have to continue is the fact that I know he wouldn't want me to waste my life like this. So I take small steps forward like joining this group. We understand and are reminded that even though our stories and our grief is unique, we're not alone.