Oh Michele... My heart is with you today. Everything you've written holds true with me and I'm sure all of us. I wish I had an answer but I don't. Just get through today and the days to come the best that you can. You've come so far. It's ok and normal to feel as you do. Oh I wish this was all a horrible dream but...
That sentence...that sorrow is continually under the surface is so true. Wow. Does that hit home.
Love to you
Darcie

We are in the same boat. I sometimes feel like i will never experience joy again.When i do laugh i feel guilty. My strength comes from my family and the friends who still reach out to me even though i am "Debby Downer" most days. Look for those people to nourish you. Your husband is in your heart always. Hugs Patti

it only been one month for me. Yesterday was my downer day. Cried so much my eyes started swelling. like it has already been said, one day at time. What I would do to have just one more day with my hubby. He was my protector. Miss him so. I do understand. hugs Arlene

Michele........ I wish I could ease your pain. Even after a year, I don't cry as much but I just still feel so empty. When you experience all those years of Joy, to me there is nothing that can bring that Joy back.

I know that I am & have been blessed & I try not to let grief consume me. Your right Nothing is the same or will it ever be. I know that Larry didn't want me to be sad, so I cling to that & try my best to honor that.

Take care JoAnn

Dear Michele,
At five months I felt the same, there were many down days.
I believe all of us here, still go through those days. I, am ready for the long haul, knowing it will get easier and easier, however I will NEVER EVER, stop missing my husband, Ben.
Thinking of you today, love and big hugs,
From Sandra

Dear Michelle,
I am much earlier in this journey as it will be 3 weeks this Saturday so I understand your pain and wish I could help you feel better. I too cannot stop missing him. I try to keep myself busy at work but when I have any down time or I am alone the tears begin to flow. I have always been considered a strong woman but sometimes I am tired of being strong because it is so hard to through each day without my other half. I am managing to get things done but each day is an effort. I pray for the day that I can think of him without tears. Hang in there I believe things will get better but it will be a long road.

Love and hugs,
Kathy

Michelle, I will be frank with you, the first year is a year of brutal roller coaster ride of emotions and trying to figure out who we are without them and wondering if a day will ever come when we can appreciate life again. Turning the corner into year two, gave the reality that most of the "first" had been taken care of but now the fog was lifted and the truth hit home that my life was mine to take charge of. Today is 32 months I can honestly say that the bad days are farther apart and life is being lived yet once in a while the blues will hit , reminding me of what I have lost. Those are the times I draw strength from the memories. It is also when I tell myself it's o.k. to have a down time so that I can recharge and move forward later. xoxo

Everything you describe is true for me. I am ashamed to say that 17 months it has gotten worse.. I did better the first year while I was in the fog. The second year has been brutal. I am depressed most of the time. Talking, eating, bathing is such a struggle. everything is so hard. I hate this new life even as I carry on with the struggle. My prayer is for peace for all.

Michele, you know I'm right there with you. This road is so unfamiliar to all of us. We will get our strength back and find peace. Many others here have, and we just have to believe that we will too. Just getting through day by day really stinks. But hopefully each day gets us closer to strength and peace. I've finally given in to the fact that we just have to go with the flow and feel what we feel. As Roz says, we are where we're supposed to be. But we won't stay here. We'll move on. I believe those who say grief doesn't come to stay, it comes to pass. Thinking of you today, my friend.

Linda

Re: "I want my life to get better, but how can it when it already was so good with him here?"
just a bit of my perspective; I want my life to get better THAN IT IS TODAY, or in this hour. I can't compare my life, while in this horribly painful grief, to how "good it was with him here". My emotional attention has to view my journey now as a whole new phase of my life. otherwise, I my hope for Hope gets completely derailed. (that wasn't a typo error. at this point I still wait to feel Hope.)
Hugs to you.

A favorite saying re: grief...

Grief never ends...but it changes.
It's a passage, not a place to stay.
Grief is not a sign of weakness,
Nor a lack of faith.
It is the price of love.

Not sure who wrote it but it holds very true.
Darcie

Michele (and Everyone) ... This is a struggle unlike anything any of us have ever faced (and most likely, will ever face again). Yes, some of us may remarry if we are ever ready, but if that marriage ends the same as this one did for all of us, at least we will fathom what is to come. Here, we are all operating in the dark forest as Sharon so awesomely described in her 9/12 post, Getting Out Of Grief. We just can't seem to find our way out, stumbling, grasping, falling -- but we keep getting up. By God, I will claw and crawl on my hands and knees if I have to - this is not how life is meant to be. But we have to go through this forest of grief to find our own green pastures. For me, this is my valley of death.

Michele, I know you to be a strong woman by the words you write in all your posts - full of love and full of wisdom. I'm 2 weeks behind you on this journey, and I am starting to dread my 5 month mark. But we can do this, all of us can do this. Thank God we knew true love. Thank God we miss our loved one. Thank God they meant enough to us to cause us the magnitude of this grief we all share. I lost a mother, a grandmother, a sister, my sister's husband, my father, my stepmother. Oh I loved each one, and I was sad for a little while and maybe I shed a few tears - but I did not lose a part of myself in those deaths. Life went on for me, back then it was nothing getting drunk couldn't solve for me - just another emotion to mask. But in those other deaths, I did not lose my everything, my partner in life, my very soul (not talking spirit here), my very reason for doing all that I did. But we learn from each other and those behind us and those ahead of us as we journey together through this the forest of grief - and sometimes we have to stop, and pick up one another, because we are all in this together and we all help each other. So grab our hands, Michele, we are here to pick you up this day. I thank all of you, my dear friends, for picking me up and helping me so. I love each and everyone of you. ~ Scott

Thinking of you today Michele. You're right, we understand and I know it is unimaginable but keep putting one foot in front of the other. You are strong, it will get better.
Hugs,
Jean

Don't be sorry for being a debbie downer, you're grieving. Go easy on yourself.

Dear Michele...my heart breaks for you but I am glad that you can share..it really is a rough journey but my hope will be that you like me will find your way...it wasn't easy...but in my own pace..trust in what guides me and so much hope and inspiration from others here really kept me going. You are an amazing person to me..the good in you always shines through...sending you tons of hugs and hopes for peaceful days ahead