Try texting. I've talked to so many parents that say they never hear from their kids unless they text them. People have tons of email accounts, some they never even look at.

Texting goes right to their phone and it's the preferred communication method of younger people. So much so that they say talking on the phone is becoming a rare occurrence.

Can you call them on the phone? Maybe you could invite the daughters and their husbands over for a Sunday dinner.

Kids....
I was counting on my son initiative, and was upset all the time. Finally I instituted a Sunday dinner, no matter what.. It has worked marvelously, because no discussion, or interfering with something else.
I think everybody responds better if the needs communicated clearly, and an agreement is reached. Besides getting together for a meal has a sense of pleasant anticipation, better than just get together and search for a topic.
I would tried that, maybe this will help.
Hug

Try this...
Ring, Ring, "Hi honny it's your Mom calling. I was thinking how nice it would be to spend some time with you this weekend, Would it be alright for me to come over for a couple hours Saturday after noon? We could just hang out and do some catching up, no agenda."

Life is too short and often times to busy. If it is something you desire, ask.

I know, it is so easy to give advice from this end, but good luck and wishing you well.

i have only one child, a daughter who is 22 and lives a block away and goes to college part time and works full time and we text often and eat out once a week together usually. She is usually doing things constantly. But i do text and text and text and she calls on her way home from work daily, that is our together time. I think doing the texting may help and just cooking for them once a week or even every other week or inviting them to their favorite place out to eat is worth a shot

I can see my daughter's house from my window right now. We are in frequent contact because I am dropping off or picking up a grandchild to come and spend the evening with me several times a week. Can't remember, however, the last time my daughter was over at my house long enough to sit. I only get invited over to their house for birthdays and some holidays. I know she is busy with 5 kids but 3 of them are in school full time and another 3 mornings a week. It would be so nice if once in a while she would stop in as she drove by.

A friend mentioned that I should make a specific request for her to come by once a week or so like two of you mentioned, but I have been concerned that she would look at it like one more obligation that she has to fulfill and she thinks she has too many already.

It has been consoling to me to see that I am not the only one with this hurt. My counselor has said that we cannot expect young people to do the things that we did for our parents because our culture has ingrained in them a self-centeredness that makes them unable to see the needs of others. She also said that they are so very busy--with internet, TV, computers, etc. that they just don't have free time any more. Sad, but true, I think.

YOU do more contacting. Are you hard going to be around in the face of your grief? If do, leave it outside the door when you spend time with them (You can collect it afterwards) I did not mean this to sound blunt, but if it works, then that is first prize

My son lives here with me and I never see him. He works and comes home and goes to his room . But I understand it. He is going thru some serious situational depression right now. his Dad died, he lost a job and his girl. So that's fine. He's a great guy when he's ok.

But if I don't call people they don't call me. I have to ask people to help me do things and to stop by. People who were calling have stopped. They have all moved on with their lives and I can't expect to be the center of their lives...or even a small corner since I wasn't before.
I'm sorry your children aren't being nicer to you. It's not very respectful. But try calling them ..it's more direct, they can't ignore you. Or text as was suggested even tho those can be ignored also.
I wish you all the best .
hugs and peace

I have two sons, one right down the street the other about 1/2 hour away. My Mom always said don't depend on your kids for companionship because you will be mighty lonely. I told my husband before he died do not tell the kids to take care of me because they won't, he did, I was right they don't. But I am ok, they have their lives. I would suggest do some volunteer work, get involved at church, join a club. Work part time. Kids are different now, I called my Mom daily and my Dad when she passed. Kids now live their life assuming we are ok. God bless. As others suggested, texting good, take them out to dinner good too.

My four sons live in New York and I am in Mississippi. Usually I have to get in touch with them, mostly by texting. I have a daughter 5 minutes away, but only see her 3 times a week. Everyone is busy doing their own thing, I guess? Grieving is such a lonely thing, that sometimes not even our children really understand how deep it goes for us.
Janice

I'm at 4 years also........ and am experiencing the same thing you are.

I've tried everything! I've called, texted, etc...... and he only responds when he wants to. The fact is, he's busy with his own life and there isn't much room in it for me.

Honestly, if he had made more room in his life for me, I wouldn't have gone on line to date and wouldn't have met my second husband. So, I guess I should thank him for that!

My son also lives only 20 minutes away. I see him about 1X a month and only if I call and make arrangements. I'm rarely invited to his house. I see my grandchildren about 2X a month, again if I insist on it.

My advice? Move one with your life and follow your dreams. Don't worry about what they or anybody else thinks.

I just spent my first winter in Florida. I liked it so much, I want to move there permanently....into an active adult community. I've decided I don't see enough of my son and his children to build my life around them.

Good luck...... if you want to discuss further, just send me a private message.

Wendy, I am sorry to hear you feeling like this. I think you have received some great advice here from the others. I would add just a couple of possibilities.

Can you Skype with them? (Web-cam calls.) It's how I stay in touch with my siblings in the US now that I am living in England, and honestly, I get to "see" them more now than when I lived in the States. Just a thought.

My in-laws live about an hour from us, and we get together once a month on average, and we alternate between here and their house, that way no one is doing all the traveling, cooking, cleaning, etc. We e-mail each other in between, and have weekly phone check-ins. Between birthdays and holidays, we come up with an excuse to have lunch together once a month. It took awhile to get into the right rhythm with it, as they weren't sure how often and we weren't sure how often was too much/not enough. And sometimes lunch is easier than dinner. Breakfast may even work better for you and your girls. A Saturday morning breakfast, then they would have the rest of the day to do whatever if they are really pressed for time. Breakfast and lunches also tend to be cheaper if you are dining out than dinners out.

My step-daughter we tend to see infrequently as she has the busiest social life I have ever seen, and she is keen to rise through the ranks where she works, so she works long hours and weekends, and is hard to track down a lot of the time. She has a lot on her plate right now. She is most comfortable with very short text messages, and we see her for special occasions about 3 times a year. Texting seems to be the preferred way with their generation. I hate it personally, but it's what they use.

I liked Comfortablynumb's idea - set a once a month dinner or lunch date. Make sure their spouses know they are welcome.

How about a baby shower? You and your daughters could spend time planning that. Just a thought....

I hope some of these ideas help.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

All 3 of my children live within 20 minutes of me, in 3 different directions. They might come by every 2-3 months, for maybe an hour. Its like, when their dad died, so did I. No help, even when I ask. I know they are busy with their kids, and their in-laws, but I do exist too. I am part of their lives too. I have always felt invisible. But now more than ever. I have called, texted, stopped by their homes. being ignored.

It's so sad hearing stories about how children are ignoring parents. I've lived my life child-free, but have a step-daughter. When my husband passed she lived closer, so we saw each other often. Now, she lives further a way and recently got a job. I know her time is limited with a job, a husband, and two children. I don't expect to see her like I did in the old days.

I find that many people who see their grandkids often are babysitting. That's not me. I've lived childfree all my life and just don't have a comfort level in caring for children on my own.

At any rate, I miss seeing her and my grandkids, but life goes on. I've recently retired(still hoping to find a job, but am picky and the employers more so), and keep busy with various social groups and friends. I'm not lonely and am happy with the texts and occasional phone calls and visits.

I have two children one lives in BC Canada and I live in Ontario Canada, the other one lives 5 minutes away from me. The one in BC never e-mails, writes, Text no communication. He never came home to see his father. HIs father was sick for 8 years. He know for 8 years that his father was sick and could little travelling. My son did not come in those 8 years. He has many excuses. My other son does not come to see me either ( he says that I remind him of his father) or he is to busy. This son does not work, or go to school. He cares for his children 1/2 time. So I lead my own life. Just because they are family does not mean that they want to be with you or help you. My husband and I helped both of the children - paid all education, paid for lawyers for my youngest to get the custody of his children, they had a good life. They are adults and I have learnt to accepted that they do not want to have my company. At Christmas time and on my birthday I was alone, not one of them called, or gave me gifts. Some days when think to much I become make very sad knowing, that they do not really want to be with me. Especially when someone tells me how their children help them and visit them.
My 15 year old grandson he is different. He calls me every day asks me how I am, & tells he loves me. He has come to my house and shoveled snow & rake the yard. He gives me little gifts on special occasions. I see my youngest grandson twice a month. This is when I call and asked.
I do activities with my friends or do things on my own. I am learning to lead my life. So I guess that they have helped me start my new life.