I was just a split second away from being t-boned this morning. Where I live, I have to cross a busy two lane street to go left to head to work. Every morning is the same.I inch out waiting for the traffic that is crossing in front to get a red light and wait for cars to stop and make a gap for me to cross. My opening came and as I began across the street and was just about into the median where I would then merge into traffic I suddenly saw this huge SUV barreling down the median and just slammed on my brakes as he slammed on his and swerved into the opposite lanes.just barely missing me. One split second. One split second sooner and he would have plowed right into my door and that would be it. All these thoughts have been racing through my mind since. This is what I have been secretly wishing for. Because I cant hurt my family by harming myself, I have had this secret wish for an accident to take me out. So as awful as it sounds there is a part of me that is feeling like I just missed my chance. So here I am sitting here actually sort of upset and wondering why am I still here? A split second took Leonard from me and I just want the same now. I am actually upset that he/she did not hit me. I am realizing now that I am worse off than I know. It is one thing to have these sometime feelings of wishing something would happen to me but to then have it be so close to happening and not and being upset and let down that it did not is a different story. I think I need professional help.