One step at a time!! I know it seems like that is all we say, but baby steps. Some days you may take two steps forward then in a split second you may take four steps back. Personally I felt I was in a funnel cloud of a tornado at times. Never knew if I was coming or going. It does get better. I am at 20 months. I will say I think the 7-10 month range was the worst for me. Make sure you take care of yourself and remind yourself it's ok to cry!! God Bless

I felt the first year was the worst and you can go from OK to horrible in an instant. When it hits you its as if you will never feel better. Just hang on and make it through another day. Survival - that's where your at right now.
Best wishes,
Russ

I'm at 9 months and thought I've been surviving okay the last few weeks. So I have been thinking more and more about preparing to go through Alan's things but the last few days I have felt myself going down and had a few more meltdowns each day. Maybe I'm not quite there yet.

Prayers for you. Breathe and hang on. Just his clothes left, his spirit and love are still with you. Blessings, Doreen

My wife's clothing was given to her daughter and the rest then given the charity. That was a very difficult thing for me to do and I could not give them all away, I kept some of her clothing, the clothing that meant something to me, the clothes she would wear more frequently than others. Those clothes I kept are put away in a plastic container. I know one day I will give them to the charity that often collected here, but I am just not ready to do that.

There are many more items around the house which I know I need to organize but right now, some 15 months after my wife passed, I don't feel ready to do that, but I know I will, I need to. Just one baby step at a time even if one baby step means a lot of time between each step.

I boxed up Tim's thimgs right away, I had to move out of our house. I kept all his shirts/t-shirts for his grown son's but gave all his pants to charity as the boys wear a different size. It was a stark realization to see his personal items fit into 2 boxes. He loved a brand of shirt that was moderately expensive so I gave one to my FIL and one to his Best Friend, they wore them to the funeral. His best friend called me and told me that he put Tim's shirt on and went for a memorial day ride in his memory. Tim and I are both avid motorcycle riders. So it was a fitting tribute.
Hugs, Sandi

I donated most of Cliff's clothes at about 6 weeks - right around Christmas. He was the kind of guy that would give you the shirt off his back, so it seemed the right thing to do. I held onto his bathrobe and the last clothes he wore as they were only things left with his scent on it, but eventually got rid of those, too.

I am in Florida clearing out our house, and finally found the wedding shirt I had sewn by hand for him and will be bringing that back to England with me. All his other clothes are gone.

I have spent weeks shredding and clearing, and it has brought back a thousand memories. It is hard, and I understand what you are going through. Whether it is done in the first weeks or years down the road, it will be hard regardless.

It is perfectly fine and natural to have a good cry over these things. I am not ashamed of it. I have carted so much of the remnants of my life to the curb, I sometimes wonder what is left. But deep down in my heart, I know the 'stuff' is not Cliff's legacy to me, or our kids, or anyone else. His legacy is in the lessons he taught me and the kids, the memories of our friends who he helped, the laughter and goodness remembered by many.

You don't "move on" -- you "carry forward" - it takes awhile to grasp that, that 'all is not lost, etc.' - because the essence of who they were gets carried within us. And nothing can take that away from us.

I hope today is a better day for you.

Love and Big Hugs,
Martha

Martha has said it all, as she often does. This is one of the things that must be done and only we can decide when. In the early months I clung to all material things feeling it was all I had left of him. Now I know that those were the least of the things he left to me. I still have his kind and gentle heart and the precious memories we made. Although I no longer have the chair he sat in, I can still see him sitting there reading the paper. The kitchen table and chairs, I still can see him sitting at his rightful place for dinner. Sharon

I had to box up my husband's clothes yesterday too. It's only been 2 months since he passed away but we have to move this weekend so I had to go ahead and do it. For whatever reason, his shoes made me more emotional than his clothes.
We had young children, one of which is only 5 months old, so I'm actually going to have quilts made out of his shirts for them. The 7 & 8 year old kids thought that was a really good idea.
I suppose at some point that I'll donate his pants and shoes but geez, this is just so hard. I'm so sorry that you're going through this too.

Charrisa, I too am making a quilt (or at least attempt to make it) out of the clothing my husband wore the most. These things are still in his closet. I have started to cut the squares but even this is very hard. We also are having memory bears made. My oldest daughter has made her bear by herself. The other 2 bears are being made by someone else. I kept a fleece jacket too because I sleep with it. Strange I know.

I was glad to read you were making quilts. I think it is a great idea for your children to have. I know it won't be the same as having their father but won't it be nice for them to always have a piece of him and all the memories that will go along with the blanket. My heart goes out to you. I think this is hard on us as a spouse, but I can't 'imagine what it is like for our children.

I wish you much strength & happiness too.

I still have lots of other items to go through yet. I can't yet seem to go into his workroom. If I need a tool I go in & grab what I need & get the heck out of there. For some reason the work room & garage are the hardest for me. I cry every time I go in either of those places. But like everyone says, just take it one step at a time.

It has been 10 months and his clothes are still in the spare room closet. The last time I tried to donate some, I wrapped my arms around them and cried. That was at months. I am getting close to parting with them. They are having a clothing giveaway for men at our church, so I am parting with over 50 of his ties. I am saving some for a memory quilt my granddaughter is making. I think I am so reluctant is because he had such nice clothes and I really want someone to appreciate them and take care of them. I said I am almost there. Maybe further along, I won't be so "picky."

Please forgive me. My carpal tunnel is inflamed and it is hard to type. The last time I tried to part with them was at 6 months.

I put some of his clothes in the dresser, some at my daughter's house where I have a room to myself. I donate half of his clothes. The rest I plan to make quilts and teddy bears with. I already made a baby quilt from all his ties for the grandson who had never met his grandpa. It is very difficult to disposition their items. Now the hardest thing for me is to pack and put the house up for sale. Hugs to you.

I have not touched his work shed. Except to semi straighten it!! I have kept some clothes and the rest are actually in bags in my closet for the rest of my kids to go through.

Thank you Katexyz for mentioning memory bears. If I had seen these before, I didn't remember. But after reading your post, I checked out a couple sites and have decided I can make my own. I have always planned to keep the clothes that were meaningful to me. Some I will wear and some I will give the children, and some I will just keep. I still have clothes that belonged to my parents - some just in plastic bags so I can smell them from time to time.

I am, however, moving all his clothes out of the bedroom so I can switch rooms with my kids. I think this is a good transition because I will be looking at them for the purpose of cleaning out the room, not for the purpose of getting rid of any of his stuff. Because of his health, there's a good bit of clothing that he didn't wear much that I'm not attached to.

I know that I am not as far in this journey as some other folks, but I have had some experience with disposing of people's things. I just want to tell anyone that is getting pressure to discard or store or even move your loved one things - don't feel like you have to do anything. You will know when you are ready. And if you want to keep somethings forever, so what?