My husband and I began traveling extensively after he was diagnosed with his critical lung disease. He would purchase golf shirts with pockets designating the place where we were. After his death, I began to get all of the golf shits together for a church collection; and I became overwhelmed with his travel golf shirts. I decided to have a memory quilt of the travel shirts -- Linda utilized the pockets for the quilt. It was unbelievably beautiful, and when I wrap it around me, I think of him and the better times of our lives. After that, I dediced to haved a memory quilt made from his beloved New England Patriots clothes. Now I can leave one for each of the children when my time comes. Both are so beautiful. When I went to pick up the Pats quilt, I just sobbed in the shop -- I was remembering those Sundays when he would cheer on his Pats. Memory quilts are a wonderful way of remembering those we love. Love, Jude

At nearly 20months things are still left where they were.
I used to worry/fuss about it, and other things, ie what I should do and when, but I feel like there is more than enough going on, and enough to deal with, so for now they are there and when I am ready, or want to - I suspect I shall just do it, meanwhile I have chosen to take the preassure off and just sit with it as it is.

I put all hubbys clothes in a closet and all his handicap equiptment in the basement, exctep his cane, i left beside the head board. There has been times i have had a memory and i wanted to go get a specific shirt or jacket, to savor a memory or moment, and i am glad i never got completely rid of them. Everyone here gave me the advise that i would Know when it was time and since i havent come to that conclusion, i havent. To each his/her own. Do what gets you through, for however long you need.

It has been 3 years and 2 months for me. I still cannot get rid of his clothes or shoes or really anything for that matter. My family keeps telling me I need to get rid of it all. I cannot imagine walking in my closet and not seeing his clothes or shoes. I feel like it is erasing him, as though he never exsisted (spelling?). I don't know, if it does not bother me why should it bother anybody else!

I gave away a good share of my husbands clothes because two days after his death a good friend of ours house burnt down, they lost their disabled 45 yr old son in the fire. Keith was the same size, so I gave many jeans, shirts, coats, boots to him. It made me feel good, so it was not too much time later I realized there was than no need to keep the remains, I still found some shirts in the ironing, a down vest & snowmobile things but when I decided to take the remains down to our "goodwill" I remember as she wheeled the bags away I wanted to say "no no wait wait" but I knew it was good, they were going to a good cause - I cried once I got back in the car but in my heart I knew. Later I happened to go back there, & I looked for his clothes & luckily did not find any, why I looked I do not know but once I did it was over. His few remaining items they are not him, my photos, my momentos are what mean the most I keep. Photos of stuff his kids took go into a scrapbook much easier to store. For me the early move was right for me. IN fact I moved furnture around in the M bedroom, & living room to make it better for me. It really bothered me badly before I did it. BUT remember I was forced to go thru things because of the stepkids forcing me so maybe it was easier than.

A few months after my husbands death 17 years ago..I packed his favorite outfits in a big green bag and placed them away up in a closet...every Christmas I would see that bag and once in a while I would take it down to smell a shirt..15 years after he died I remarried and moved out of this home..while packing up for the move I took out his clothes and divided them up amoung my 3 children ..I kept my favorite flannel shirt of his and we threw the green bag away...it took me 15 years to part with that bag...it was just a little bag of his clothes that was always there for me. See everyone does this different..there is no clock..no right or wrong.

I must be in the minority as I started giving things away just weeks after Ron's death. There is a homeless "village" near my office and it was cold so I gathered up his jackets and dropped them off. Another time it was sweatshirts and jeans and another time shoes, boots, socks, etc. The people there were so grateful that it made it ok to part with the things. I saw one man walk away with 2 pair of socks and an ear-to-ear grin - I felt wonderful.

Last week I purchased new furniture and our old chairs are gone. It doesn't bother me, I'm ok with change.

As I continue to question myself and my situation, I think I have come to the realization that NOTHING is as valuable or important as the memories within my heart and for me it's ok to let go of material possessions.

Each of us will take this journey via a different path - we're all walking toward recovery, just maybe not the same way or at the same pace.

I wish each of you peace as you travel.

Deborah

My husband passed away almost 14 months ago. I was thinking just the other day, if he came back at that moment, hardly anything would have changed. Even his medicine cabinet. I have given my children and grandchildren a few things. Honestly, it just takes my breath away when I think of getting rid of his things. Sometimes I open his medicine cabinet and can smell his after shave. It makes me catch my breath, but I like it too. So Pete, you're not alone in this struggle.

I'm getting rid of everything - even MY CLOTHES!!!! I'm starting to want a more simple Zen like atmosphere in my home, and want to get rid of the ''clutter'' . Nothing is precious anymore, decorating wise. Our decorating style we used to joke about - it was ''Early Poverty''. Over the years, we mixed antiques, and sort of a Tommy Bahama look. I was in charge of all things having to do with decorating, and move around furniture really often. Jerry never cared about it - except for kitchen stuff. Now I just feel like having a clean slate - white, beige, blah - no pillows, no orchids, no frills. Am I depressed? Maybe. My home is beautiful (to me) I love where I live, this was our dream house (despite old age poverty too), and so much a part of me. I love entertaining and watching people have a good time. Now - not so much. A real change for me. As George Carlin said ....''it's all just ''stuff''.

I left some clothes in the hospital to be donated to long-term patients. Now I wish I'd taken them home. I left his slippers, robe, running shoes and some shirts and underwear and socks.

After a few weeks, I decided to clear out all the clothes he hadn't worn in years. That was fine. Suits, good pants, old shoes, winter clothes,etc.

Then I decided to clear out his dresser drawers. I put all the rest of his t-shirts (except a few), underwear, jogging pants, etc. into a garbage bag to be donated to Goodwill. I could not do it. So after a few days, I put everything into the washing machine, washed and dried it and right back into his drawers.

It's been almost 8 months for me and I cannot imagine parting with those last items. I sleep in one of his sweaters or his bathrobe (not the one I left in hospital, of course, but another less favourite one).

Yes, they are just things, but I need to feel them once in a while. And sleeping in his t-shirts, cuddling his bathrobe or sweater brings me a sense of peace and comfort.
Hugs

I know your pain. I still havent been able to sleep in our bedroom. I have his clothes still untouched. Some of his clothes are on the bed folded from doing laundry. I tried cleaning and sorting through my things and I kept running into his clothes and I had to stop. Like you we had so many memories with the certain outfits he wore. Its so heart breaking. I am still having a tough time I cannot do it yet. I have one shirt that still has his scent and every morning I smell it and hug it close to my heart.

Pete:
I am having a rough time of it also. My DIL and daughter cleaned out a bunch of clothes right after she died. But there was still a walk-in left. We decided to switch closets, mine is one that has doors open. They are always open and stuff just flows out like lava. It always made Linda cringe. So we started moving stuff. My daughter moved most of it Monday while I was at work. She says she will take care of giving it away, but like you I have a hard time of it. There are lots of things that are just "her". It is hard for my daughter also, God bless her for volunteering.

When my Stepmother died, her daughters came in a day or two later and literally cleaned her closets. I gather that is a family thing for some. It might be easier than moving closets. Still there are things I want to keep. I just sort of fiddle at it.

The ratty old flowered shirts, frayed, worn, familiar, are the worst.

One day we will have the strength to face the task.

All the best.

Kirk

I moved Jeff's clothes out of our closets the day after he died. I moved them into the guest room closet just next to our room. I gave my nephew his heavy coat and some of his t shirts.
I had to make changes or I wouldn't have been able to sleep in our room. I moved my clothes to his closet, kept a few tshirts that I now sleep in. His underwear and sock drawer is still full. Those I have not moved. Everything on his side of the bed on his night stand is still the same, except for his clock. I unplugged it.
I have my moments when I think I need to just give his clothes away, but its only been 2 months and I'm not ready.

Thanks for all the replies, I know clothes are an issue for most of us. I still have a half dozen shelves, half a dresser and everything hanging in the closet to go through but I will make progress on that too over time.

BTW, this picture is of the ratty flowered, paint stained shirt that I just cannot bear to part with. She used to stain all my woodwork and cabinetry in addition to doing all the painting.

Hugs and thanks to all my DS friends.

-Pete-

A few months after Rich died I boxed up his clothes - they're still sitting in the basement because I just can't bear to give them away yet. Each grandchild picked out a favorite shirt and I made teddy-bears out of them and gave one to each grandchild, plus one for me that sits on my bed every day. I've kept all his Hawaiian shirts and plan to make 3 small quilts - one for me, one for each daughter. But it's been 20 months and I still can't bear to cut them up yet. That's how I remember him best - in those wild shirts with a big smile on his face.