Like slimbear, we had packed up our home of 12 years and were in the process of moving between states. My beloved S never made it, she passed in a hotel room in the middle of no where an hour from the nearest hospital.

In order to unpack in the new home, I was forced to go through each and every box, as they were all mixed together. It had only been six weeks, since her passing, and it was a very emotional process.

We had always been the type of people that when we moved, we would be unpacked and pictures hung on the wall by the next day, it took me months to unpack, and I thought I was going so slow.

I chose to do it all after my youngest daughter (21) went to bed, so that she didn't have to endure it - and it gave me the ability to make the decisions that I needed to make.

My parents were visiting last month, and apparently me father made the comment to one of my daughters that he felt I had to many pictures of her on the walls. Funny, they are pretty much the same pictures that were up on the walls in our old home, I believe I only actually added one - the one that I had blown up for her services.

I was even thoughtful enough to move her urn from the living room/dinning room while they were here, because I knew it bothered him.

I was very cognicent of the fact that I did not want my home to be a shrine, I wanted others to still feel comfortable, why would he think that???? --- PFFFF - those that have not been through it - should learn to just listen and not offer advice or opinions.

We all do things in our own time frame, and when we are ready, there is no time line, there is no pre-determined etiquette, that was the first lesson I had to learn - and I am glad I did.

I just removed my wedding ring on our 25th wedding anniversary, and put it in the safe, it was difficult, but it was time, I guess it was my way of handling the day, and coming to terms that there will be no more wedding anniversaries.

Ok, I am rambling now, maybe I needed to talk more that I thought I did.

I have yet to remove my husband's things except for the medical crap. I may never get rid of them. Or I may. They give me comfort yet make me sad too. I haven't removed my wedding rings either. In fact I can't ha ha. Put on a little weight over the years. At not quite four months, I feel I am still married, still Mrs. May never remove them and I am fine with that too. I don't think there is any particular "rule" we must follow, our journeys like us are very individual. And now it is our decision. Hugs and Love to all, Michele

It's been 2 1/2 months for me and I cleaned out my husbands clothes after 2 weeks. My logical head tells me he wont need them and my memories are in my head and heart not things. For me grieving and healing are easier without constantly staring at his belongings. I do wear his hoodie (unwashed for the smell) every night. I did keep his Hawaiian shirts for my daughter-in-law to make a quilt.

loveddogs, I too have no interest in taking my rings off and even wear his ring on the finger next to my rings. Maybe someday, but not close to being ready for that.

I've been slowly clearing out for 16 months, yet there are some things I can't bring myself to "clear", so they simply sit. I'm now helping a friend clear out their deceased possessions, I must say it's not that easier. Memories abound . . so many personal collectibles, memorabilia, things that wouldn't make a diff to anyone else, but the person collecting. It's really kind of sad, yet at the same time, I get the feeling that I'm starting to really "know" the person as I go through their earthly treasures. Kind of surreal . . . some surprises, some treasures I will keep and cherish . . . words can't describe the emotions one goes through when dealing with a lost loved one's sentiments. Again, a roller coaster and plethora of mixed emotions. BTW, moving is hard, no matter the age . . it's one of the top five stressors in life. I'm trying to take this in small increments as I feel up to it . . . I hope you are able to do this as well. Remember to breathe!~ Hugs, D

Wow, i didn't realize you were Moving, D!! Oh my what a lot of work. I have moved before 3 times and it's tough.But more so after so many years in the home.
I like you, start combing through things and there it is, that something that makes you stop and look and cry and caress it, etc. It is so hard. I feel for you.
I am starting to clean up lots of things but right now only outside. Then the inside whenever i feel like it. And lately i don't feel like it.
I so wish i had dreams like you do!!!!! and remember them as well.
I have had a few but I am always looking for Don and can't find him.
I try to call him and my phone won't work. It's just awful. Why can't i have a pleasant dream where i see him and he talks to me and hugs me. I don't know.
In my dreams instead are people i have never seen before and they are talking to me about nothing actually.
good luck to you lady, with all your work ahead. I wish you the best and some help if you want it.
Take care, my friend.
Letty

My comment was for FrecklesnCurls. Sorry i had an error in my typing there. BUT HI to you D!
Letty

i had to clean out 1.5months after his death...i agree...it is soooo hard and the tears just keep coming.i guess it is one step in the grieving process!!

I know it has not even been a month yet, but I have haven't moved a single thing of hers in the house. I can't bring myself to move it, box it, or even throw it away. She went to the beach for a day with her girlfriends on Saturday. She came home on Sunday, set her bag on the sofa, and we celebrated our anniversary. She early Monday morning.

I've only been able to clear her classroom at the elementary school she taught at. I took a lot of her personal effects, but left a lot so her teacher friends could use them for their students. I even had them come to the house to take anything they could use for school. There is still so much to go through and I just can't do it right now.

I still have the flowers (now mostly wilted) I gave her for our anniversary sitting on the kitchen island. I think about clearing thing, but can't.

I meant to say "She passed early Monday morning".