Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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FrecklesnCurls 08/08/2015

Well, I am set to move out in Sept. so figured I better get started clearing out the million things that I have to... we have been living in this home for about 23 yrs.. so yes, a lot has accumalated. I figured I would start with our bdrm... ah.. taking down the valentine candy hearts off the wall... yeah I hung up 2 of them... crying jag.... then coming across a belt that was hidden & forgotten in the corner of the closet.. it was his.. the buckle was his nickname Vic... cried, but tossed the old useless belt & kept the buckle.
This is hard... but I knew I wanted to do it by myself. I'm feeling good about getting things done, but damn its hard when I come across certain things. It will be 1 year & 2 mos. on this Wednesday and I still miss him sooo much! He was in my dream the other night... as always I didn't know how to tell him he was dead... in my dreams he never seems to know... anyway in my dream he wanted us to get married... & I was thinking... they are going to ask for your birth certificate... but omg I have your death certificate. This is the hardest, & when is it ever gonna feel like it didn't just happen yesterday!!??

avm99 08/08/2015

I had to clean out because I'm moving too. It has been 3.5 years for me since my husband died. It felt right for me to do because I accepted that he is gone and he has not use for the clothing and he wants me to carry on and be happy.
It gets better with time.

Antonella

dschwartz 08/08/2015

Moving out must be in the air? I just went through a 75% move out, still not complete . . . somewhat bitter sweet. Looking forward to moving on, yet hard to completely let go of my past "home" created with J.

Expending much energy on the new home, I'm viewing as a positive transition. The packing up on the backside was hard, but finding the new creation on the other side is inventive of the new me and new life unfolding. Quite exciting, yet draining and emotional. Taking my time and trying to smell the roses in between chores. I get ya. Not easy, but in my case necessary.

Coming up for air in the midst of all this change. Feels mostly good and a fresh start along with a new beginning. I wouldn't change a thing!!

I wish you much luck in your new transition. Remain positive my friend and it will all work out for your benefit. Many of we have travailed this path . . . survived and endured. You shall too. Hugs, D

joannklingaman 08/08/2015

Amazing how our stories are so similar at times. This time last year I had just sold our home of 10yrs & moved in Sept. As hard as it was, because of the short time frame, was not able to dwell to long. However looking back I know that I made the right decision to move, but am really missing living in Reno.

Like you it has been 1yr/2months.... I miss him just so much if not more. Today for the first time, I thought about the future & it scared me to death. I just can't think of the future.......

Not being much of a dreamer in the past, I would Love to dream about Larry.... How does one do that..... ??? Is possible
I just want to know if he knows that I'm doing things in his honor, because it means so much to me !!!

npc4204 08/08/2015

There's a lot of moving going on!
I moved 2 weeks ago, so that forced me to finally clean out my husband's closet. Like Dayna said "positive transition".

I kept a pile of t-shirts to have a quilt made later on, but the rest of his clothes were donated to the Vietnam Vets.

It was very difficult, and it involved a lot of tears, but at 13 months I felt it was time.

Hugs,
Janie

rosie3435 08/09/2015

Wow I just started to clean out my bedroom today...It was hard and needless to say I didn't hardly get rid of any of his stuff...I found things that I forgot he had its a hard road and I hope to be able to finish it one day...

jenniferalves 08/09/2015

I'm sorry for your loss. My Danny died a few months ago and I cleaned his stuff out within the first month, I guess it was too hard for me to have his stuff in our apartment. I kept a few things that really meant something to us both. Still can't look at them. I hope things get better for you. Hugs

shaneslove 08/09/2015

My heart goes out to you. I am just over seven months in and I just cannot bring myself to clear any of his things away. The last two empty beer cans he drank still sit right where he left them... he was not a heavy drinker by any means... two was his limit (except for graduation parties) He drank two on Monday night, December 29th, and the next morning he was killed.

Most days I still think that I will wake up and this will just have been a long and horrific nightmare.

redrooster22 08/09/2015

My mother and sister helped me take his clothes to the Salvation Army on Thursday. This was almost as hard as the funeral. Maybe because I was in shock then. It has been 16 months. After I got home alone I cried and screamed like an animal. We were together almost 40 years married 35. There was so much clutter at that center, I felt terrible adding his belongings to so much clutter. I pray his stuff will bless someone. I live in a rural area and I was afraid mice would get into his closet since I was not using it. We have that problem, field mice, and he always took care of it since I am really afraid of mice and rats. I did not donate any of his shoes, not sure why not. I am better today no crying yet. My prayer is for peace for all.

kgray41 08/09/2015

When my sister flew in for his memorial service, I planned that I would drive her home to Albuquerque. That way I could spend two weeks with her, and ease into my life as a widow. When we were packing and getting ready to hit the road, I asked her if her husband could fit or use any of Bob's clothes. He was the exact same size!! We packed up all of Bob's things that she thought he could use. We packed up car and then took everything else and packed it for the Goodwill. I kept only his new leather jacket for myself. It was such a blessing to know that her husband wil be wearing my Bob's things. We were all close and vacationed together every year before he got sick. I think it was a great way to do it! I never had time to agonize over getting rid of his things!!

mrcliny 08/09/2015

Interesting, I'm a very new to this. It's been only three weeks. Yet I have pretty much, other than photo's on the walls, have removed everything of my wife's.
While together 18 years only married for six. Three of those years were together fighting her cancer.
To tell the truth after some very serious tear shedding. I feel strangely just empty and lonely?

KittyKai 08/09/2015

I gave myself 2 years as a widow in our oceanside.home. After the 2 years, I leased the beach home and bought a house inland for folks 55 years old and older. I made a mistake and have been homesick ever since. People here are not very friendly, and most of them have a spouse. I think I will move one more time to be closer to my children, then that's it! Moving is very hard on old folks!

KK

kathypadgett 08/09/2015

I haven't been able to get rid of his toothbrush but his Dad came over today and get a few things out of his shop.I have no idea what most of it is, that was his domain.

slimbear 08/09/2015

We had already packed to move. But my wife didn't live long enough to move into our new house. I've been unpacking for a few months. Every so often a box will have things that just make me feel so sad. For a while I was afraid to open another box.

Today I opened a few more. I found some things I didn't know she had. Maybe she meant to give some to me as a surprise.

I feel a good cry coming on. Hasn't hit me yet.

MrCLINY, so sorry for you loss and for your feeling empty and lonely. Only thing I can say is, it's not strange, it's normal.

lmj90 08/10/2015

its interesting to me to read everyones replies. I have no support groups here where I live so this is all I have. I am moving also and I packed up my husbands clothes to have a quilt made from them and then the lady backed out. I kept them in the box but have lots of things still in the place he left them. I put his boots in the same place they always sit, I still have the last pop can he drank from that day, I have his work clothes hung in the closet, and his wedding band on the night stand. for me its both comfort and sadness. It hurts and it helps.

billswifeval 08/10/2015

Hugs to all of you. I'm in the middle of moving in. We had just bought a house when my husband died, Since then I've sold a house and am having a hard time moving in the new one, especially since he picked it. I'm having a really hard time getting rid of his things , even his clothes I really believe this is the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm doing it all by myself and feel like I have to.Best wishes to all and I feel like we all will make it because we have to. Valerie

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