Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
On Thursday, November 28, I and another widow will be speaking to a class of pre-seminary students as to the loss of a spouse and how the church either fails or succeeds in meeting various needs; i.e., emotional, physical, or occasional chores that some cannot perform (cleaning gutters, trimming tree limbs, etc.).
This will be the 5th year I have been asked to participate in this classroom discussion. I've found the students eager to understand an event in life that is generally a remote thoughtdeath. Each year I've been surprised by their questions, and it becomes clearer year after year that being transparent with these aspiring pastors may help suffering members of any future church they attend or serve.
My reason for this post is to ask if you have any comments that you would like for me to interject in my interaction with them. What has been your experiences? They may have been totally different than mine. I know from older posts that the church as a whole has been a disappointment to many; to others it has been a lifeline for survival. With time, friends from church and otherwise tend to move on, leaving us to figure out the rest of our lives. And truth be told, most of us will not ask for help. Admittedly, my circumstances have been different from year to year. The 1st year I was still in the haze that surrounds all those raw memories and year of 'anniversaries' (it had only been 3 months); the 2nd year the focus was on surviving; and so on. All those changes were reflected in my conversations with the pre-seminary students. I am a different person now than that 1st year of sharing.
I tell myself I won't do this if I'm asked for the next year, but then I wonder if they would ever get the 'real story' from someone or just continue on in their unfounded assumptions of a widow or widower (textbook knowledge), and so I head for class to discuss one of the worst things that has ever happened to me. It is never easy.
Thank you in advance if you feel like sharing. If not, I certainly understand. It is always difficult to try and put our experiences of loss into words. The enormity of changes that happens in our lives DEFIES WORDS. The death of our spouse and the changes that are put into motion are almost impossible to explain to these bright, anxious-for-life students. Their lives stretch before them with smiles, happiness, and hope. Blessings to you. TJ
This will be the 5th year I have been asked to participate in this classroom discussion. I've found the students eager to understand an event in life that is generally a remote thoughtdeath. Each year I've been surprised by their questions, and it becomes clearer year after year that being transparent with these aspiring pastors may help suffering members of any future church they attend or serve.
My reason for this post is to ask if you have any comments that you would like for me to interject in my interaction with them. What has been your experiences? They may have been totally different than mine. I know from older posts that the church as a whole has been a disappointment to many; to others it has been a lifeline for survival. With time, friends from church and otherwise tend to move on, leaving us to figure out the rest of our lives. And truth be told, most of us will not ask for help. Admittedly, my circumstances have been different from year to year. The 1st year I was still in the haze that surrounds all those raw memories and year of 'anniversaries' (it had only been 3 months); the 2nd year the focus was on surviving; and so on. All those changes were reflected in my conversations with the pre-seminary students. I am a different person now than that 1st year of sharing.
I tell myself I won't do this if I'm asked for the next year, but then I wonder if they would ever get the 'real story' from someone or just continue on in their unfounded assumptions of a widow or widower (textbook knowledge), and so I head for class to discuss one of the worst things that has ever happened to me. It is never easy.
Thank you in advance if you feel like sharing. If not, I certainly understand. It is always difficult to try and put our experiences of loss into words. The enormity of changes that happens in our lives DEFIES WORDS. The death of our spouse and the changes that are put into motion are almost impossible to explain to these bright, anxious-for-life students. Their lives stretch before them with smiles, happiness, and hope. Blessings to you. TJ
We do own a second home in the country next to her hometown and that is where she passed away unexpectedly.
Her funeral was held at the church we were married in (which was nice), but we didn't get to use our pastor for the service.
The local pastor did a good job (was in a daze for most of it, but some of the family was upset with him because he said that somethimes we die because of the choices we make in our life and the way we live.
Some of the family blamed GOD for taking her and the pastor disagreed with that (and I agree).
Our regurlar pastor whom my wife and I loved so much, was asked to leave the church just the year before contacted me and asked if we could get together. That meant the world to me and even though he was not my pastor anymore, he was thoughtful enough to want to help.
After the funeral, I never heard from the pastor that conducted the funeral or the pastor of the church we belonged to.
We need to remember that Pastors are people to and there are some that are better than others.
Showing true love and compassion for their people is the best they can do and we can hope for.